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I just wanna scream

#scream is something that would feel #good right now... But will it #help ?? I have been #struggling a lot and it has not been the #best #Feeling ever. Tonight I went over my recent #Events of #Life and thought that perhaps I had fell behind somehow.

I am #Trying to see what is #True !

What can I do to feel better about this #Job life? (And trying to find something more meaningful).

Please #helpme

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Healer Pains

Healer Pains

Full of Anger and rage
Feeling like I’m a animal locked in a cage
My nature is so misunderstood
Perhaps it’s time to move on from the hood
But I Love my independent city
Even though the committee ain’t take no pity

Isolated and assets frozen
Although they don’t yet know I’m part of God’s chosen
Treated like a hardcore criminal
My poem are definitely subliminal
If you know me, you’ll get it
Ain’t the usual one to quit

I walked away for self protection
So, wouldn’t be forced into flexion
Straight forward as it can be
Though I did flee, At least I’m free
Self love is a priority
Even if I ain’t in the majority

That don’t stop us from doing as we please
Perhaps, why I’m a narcissist that is to be put in a freeze
From trauma and vulnerabilities we came up,
Banged up, beat up - yet we still worked hard and built up
So, why the hate?
And all the jealousy mate?
Took you for free spins and fed you during your worst

You were injured and I was the one to bring you back to health and nursed
And now I’m cursed?
Don’t bite the hand that feeds you
One day, you gotta regret it my boo
True love, acceptance and understanding- heck, gave even my soul
Now, all this hurt masking as anger and making feel like a burning coal

Quite the toll, though I thought your love was free
Then, why the hefty fee?
Anger and rage on the front
Amidst a manhunt
Hurt and grief under the front
Perhaps, nows the time to get blunt

Yes, I am fucked up
And the only one who saved me is my pup
You were right, I was stupid
The only mistake I made was chasing Cupid
Don’t know my story yet think they know all
Destroying me so I forget to walk and can barely even crawl

Malicious prosecution and defamation
Think it’s a game of persuasion
It’s nothing more than a crime
To prevent me from the social and corporate climb
You think I forgot, that’s cute
I never forget a learned friend dispute

You know I’m better than you
And that’s a strong fact that’s more than just true
Don’t let simple nature and humble attitude fool you into arrogance
You caused me to lose my soul and become spiritless
The student is now the master
Now that deserves a round of applause and laughter

Karma is a mogul’s game
And though I don’t care for the fame, it ain’t gonna stop me from bringing the claim
Justice is overdue, stayed quiet for too long
Have come closer to being proven wrong
My only regret, had I spoken earlier
I would be worthier

Money is important but my people are my assets
They are the ones to get my out of bad debts
Got my back because we init for ride or die
They ain’t no supply, they real niggas on which we can rely
Now that’s a fact you cannot deny
My team here for the full and permanent long haul

And although right now, I’m back at the stage of crawl
I got the mindset and approach to stay resilient
Cuz I found out way too late that I’m more than just brilliant
Genius and gifted talent, that’s God’s chosen
So, let me give you a glimpse of my life in slow-motion
Watch out cuz this girl’s a tornado, not to be tamed

She won’t remain for much longer chained
It’s time to break free
And I think that’s something y’all agree #heartbreak #Love #Pain #growth #soulpain #selfhelp #SelfHealing #writings #Journaling #feelings #Emotions #validation #hurt #Grief #Loss #Rejection #abandonment #social isolation #punishment #Karma #sins #good #bad

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Thought Process

🌷 #happythoughts .

I have been feeling #good today. It feels weird to be naturally #happy in moments where you think that there could be something to take it away soon. However, I learned that I am not going to let that #Happen to me. I will not let anyone #StealMyJoy today. 🌞 I know that I am #Blessed even in the #darktimes .

Everything is going to be OK when the storm passes. It may feel #scary right now, but it will pass through. There may be an aftermath, but take heart that you will not be alone in this.

I Am Here For You.

#BipolarDisorder #AnxietyDisorder
#PanicAttacks
#PanicDisorder
#distortedthinking
#Depression
#strength
#movingforward
#workinghard
#DealingWithGrief

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Good Cancer #cml #Leukemia #good #BloodCancer

I am tired of being told that I have a good cancer compared to other types.
I am tired of being told that I am strong.
I am tired of being told to accept my healing.
I’m tired.
I’m tired of it all.
No, it’s not a good cancer. It’s still CANCER.
Yes, I am strong, but no amount of resilience will cure a life long blood cancer.
And,
What healing? I’m still dealing with it and will deal with this the rest of my life.
I can’t even get the medication going with out breaking into a rash.
I don’t have energy.
I don’t have motivation.
I just dont.
But,
I’m trying.
I’m trying to get back into the swing of things.
I’m trying to move past this diagnosis.
I’m trying, but it is exhausting.

#Motivation #Support #Cancer #ChronicMyelogenousLeukemia

7 reactions 2 comments
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#Insomnia or Awake After Enjoying The Day? #Perspective Matters ❤️

Wow! What a day! I really had fun today, well, yesterday. I went outdoors and enjoyed a day of exploring my local area! This has been a hard task during the past six months. But????? Why I am still awake at 4:00AM? I don’t have a clue. But once again, no worries, I am simply enjoying this quiet time of the day. And I think it is because I am finally embracing my medical leave because of this breakthrough.

Two days ago, I woke and my mind was flipping thoughts like crazy! I tried to pray but my thoughts kept shifting; this is my new norm I often experience after sustaining my fifth concussion a year ago. But this time, as my thoughts flipped from one thing to the other, I had a thought: write each of your thoughts down. So I did. And within five minutes, I had recorded nearly twenty thoughts!!! And after writing every one my thoughts and feelings, which lasted twenty minutes, I was exhausted but….RELIEVED!!! 😁

So, I feel as if a new me has emerged from that moment on! The multiple thoughts stemmed from me viewing other’s lives on social media sites. But those thoughts faded after I jotted them down, in real time. Why? Because I realized, once I wrote down each anxious thought, how those thoughts and feelings were all based on comparisons: me comparing my life to posted photos of others, which are really my assumptions of other people’s lives. And those comparisons and assumptions have led me into a maze of fractured emotional thoughts AND anxiety.

Therefore, shortly after listing those many thoughts, I started enjoying my day. And now, after today’s fun activities, I am still awake because I am not emotionally overwhelmed from wasting time lamenting over my real life compared to posted snapshots of other people’s lives. Remember, those comparisons and assumptions are based on ONE SECOND of a person’s life captured by a camera.😉! But most importantly, those comparisons and assumptions are deceiving and very deceptive.

So, I will now address such thinking, instantly, before succumbing to the negative emotions that accompany my deceptive assumptions and comparisons. We are not on this earth to live like others. No! Instead, we are here to be our #unique selves impacting lives we encounter with our special personalities, skills, and talents.❤️

#BeYourself #conquer your #mindset , for you ARE #TheMighty person #created for #good #works !

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#Cat for #Christmas

Well, didn't work out with the shelter my friend & I went to a little over a week ago. As I posted earlier, they tore out my broken heart. #good thing is, another friend & I are working on an alternative means of adopting from a different, more considerate #Shelter , where we will have a much better chance of my bringing home my new #Furbaby . Here's putting #Hope into my #wish & that it will work out #wonderfully . 🙏

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