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The inhumane of part of being human

Another morning and the pain is up before I am . Twelve years seven surgeries and now I'm awaiting my eighth surgery a lower lumbar revision surgery and I know it's going to be brutal. I'm stressed because every waking hour I'm in pain and can barely walk. I'm f##@&n human I feel the emotional and physical pain to the point most of my day I'm confused and can't stay focused on anything.
We are all human we all suffer some pain but it has become un manageable it's inhumane. Just venting this morning I apologize when you live alone your brain can play tricks on you. #ChronicPain #Depression #chronicalodynia #musclespasns #periphoralneuropayhy # inhumane 🙂🌄🌄🌄😎

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Healthy distractions

Japanese flower hat jellyfish found in the West Pacific I find these creatures so amazing and beautiful.#chronicoain #MDD #Disabled #neurogenicmuscleatrophy #chronicalodynia #healthydistraction

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Hope with new surgery

Yesterday I met with my surgeon and after several MRIs he believes I would benefit from a lumbar revision surgery which entails removal of existing hardware and fusion from L2 to L5s1.
Some of you may know my story I'm suffering from bi lateral neurogenic muscle atrophy and chronic alodynia I'm in pain 24 7. This surgery won't relieve all my pain but it will stop the the atrophy and with the help of full leg orthesis allow me to hopefully be able to walk again with a normal gait.
I'm excited and apprehensive at the same time it will be my 5th lower lumbar surgery and my eighth spinal fusion I know post op will be brutal.
I'm just so happy that this surgeon has taken in my case it will give me another chance at a better life and this time I won't put my health in jeopardy by over exurtion.🙂🙂🌄🤠 #ChronicPain #neurogenicmuscleatrophy #chronicalodynia #Disabled #Hope #Surgery

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The soul needs the light

We as humans are prone to enjoy life with a certain amount of friends and family who along with other worldly things bring us light. When these sources of light disappear because of our circumstances and we are imprisoned by our own bodies the darkness sets in. In the beginning of your decade long journey of chronic pain and surgeries you find different ways to bring back the light with a few friends and activities that stimulates your spirit in the right direction. Then one day you find yourself rejecting the light because you are in too much pain and now you sit in the darkness because it is safe nothing can hurt me here or so we think. Now the darkness has become your foe and a much worse advisary than the light and now it's personal because it's just you and the darkness.
Can we let the light in will it hurt us ?of course not we can totally let the light in we need the light. Don't stay in the darkness too long or it will leave scars on your soul embrace the light for after all it is the light and every soul needs it to thrive.
Whatever souce brings you the light hang on to it and don't let go because I speak of how we need the light to thrive but in the back of my mind I think do I need to survive . #ChronicPain #neurogenicmuscleatrophy #chronicalodynia #Depression #Disabled #alone

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My best friend

Love this guy right here he has been my therapist for over a decade. He gets me walking again after surgeries because he always wants to go outside without him the chronic pain would be unbearable.#Depresion #chronicalodynia #neurogenicmuscleatrophy #Disabled #periphoralneuropathy #ChronicPain

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Hope the double edged sword

We all do it most of our lives whether it be through prayer or self reflection we have hope. People in chronic pain or with chronic illnesses use this tool to soften the blow in our minds that some day we will be better some day we will be without pain or immobility but someday never comes. We go through procedures and surgeries knowing post op will bring excruciating pain for at least the month following because we want to believe that after this surgery I will be better after this surgery I'll be able to live a pretty decent life.
I love hope but I hate hope also because when your simple wish for more mobility and less pain doesn't come true your hopes were all for not.
This post wasn't designed to be negative I posted it because I'm afraid of the false hopes but yet without them I wouldn't bother living another day and I take nothing for granted I'm very grateful for the things I do have.
Just wierd to think that if I don't start living my life now I'll wake up one day when it's too late with a handful of hope that I wasted too much time waiting for something that will never come. People in chronic pain and with chronic illnesses must enjoy the time now instead of waiting for false hope to make you happy. What has hope done for you good or bad did you find waiting for the day with no pain or illness is worth it? Did you find an even better way to deal with this situation?
Hope everyone has a great day 🙂 #neurogenicmuscleatrophy #Depression #Disabled #chronicalodynia #BPD

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