I’ve suffered from #Migraines since I was in 6th grade, so 12-13yrs old. I’m now 27 yrs old and have tried what feels like all the medication out there. But the problem is, as someone who has #ChronicIllness and #MentalHealthIssues what do I do when a ? I have to see the doctor because my current #Medication isn’t preventing or stopping #Migraines and I’m getting them daily now. The only two things that seem to help me are #Sleep and taking some sort of #sedative , like cough syrup. It isn’t healthy or wise to do this, but in the face of so much uncontrollable pain what other choice do I have? I can’t drive myself to the ER, I’m not going to call an expensive ambulance just over a #Migraine but I need something to relieve the pain, nausea, and blindness.
Since I was little it was ingrained into me to have a #thickupperlip and not to talk about #myproblems . I didn’t even tell the dr when something hurt, I just shied away like a horse, made a face and clenched my hands. My mom always chided me for doing this, saying, “How will they know what’s wrong if you don’t tell them where it hurts?” but it was her position on doctors and pain that made me this way. She’s very much a #suckitup sort of person and #pullyourbootstrapsupbyyourownhands all of which I find impossible. This past year she even went to work one day when she was coming down with pneumonia and had bronchitis. She always says of #drappts , “I don’t have time to take off, I have to work” but for me #drappts are part of my life. As a child I would feel guilty every time I got sick because she had to take off to take me to the drs, even though I have #ChronicIllness. Today she still resents the fact that I need someone there at important appts that are out of town.
So why did I explain all about her just now? Because as someone with #chronicillnes and #Migraines and #ChronicPain I am always fighting a battle. A battle of what to do. Should I take more of this medicine that I don’t technically need but will stop the pain and help me sleep? Should I just stay silent and then be accused that I’m fine when I’m really not? Should I complain to let her know how much I do suffer? I seem to be losing a war. I just recently lost my job because of my illness (they wanted to cut my hours to 5/week and with all the crap I was already taking I said no thanks, bye) and at the most unfortunate time I got bronchitis, ear infection, and pneumonia. I still haven’t recovered and she’s talking about a new job when we agreed #Disability was best. But for #Disability you have to be out of work which is something she doesn’t seem to realize. What do I do? Get another job, become sick and run down again? More fights? The worst was when my sister told me that when my mom dies I will become her #Burden. #ABurden