estranged

Hello Fellow Mighty's
Im very tired & should prob go to bed- but i need to talk, & the Mighty is presently the only one listening.
Long story Im too tired to explain- but Im the youngest of six- & we are all in our 50's, 60's & 70's now with one sister passed.
A long standing theme in my family is that No Matter what happens to, or people do to me- I shouldnt complain, because me & my feelings, my entire self is not worthy of consideration. I dont matter. Further more- If other ppl are A**holes to me, somehow thats my fault too.
& at 57, I got roped in one more time- "we love you"- only to be humiliated, discounted & blamed again. And of course, Im just taking things wrong. I Am the Problem. Everyone else is blameless. The Only Acceptable Role for me in this family is As the Doormat. & I oughtta be Grateful to be so.

Im mad at myself for wanting that family love so much- that I allowed myself to get hurt again.

Im really struggling tonight. Any helpful words appreciated. Hope everybody reading this had a better day than not. 💕

I used to love being alone, in fact I enjoyed my own company over others at times. I'm an introvert and extrovert. When I go to the store I talk to everyone. I love meeting people and hearing their story. I planned to go to a bar/restaurant that has trivia tonight. I'm not a drinker but do enjoy being around people for a limited time. Now I just want to climb into bed and cry. I heard the following on a TV show I watch "life isn't meant to be solved, sometimes it's a tragedy that you endure" (not exact) but it's tragic but somewhat true " I'm not sure I can endure it any more. #sad #Hopless #Depression #ComplicatedGrief #estranged #alienated #alone #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder