#hey crunchy mammas I am so sorry I haven’t posted in so long. It is scary but scientifically proven that cancer could be anything. Have you been seeing little things on your hands or feeling like you have food poisoning. It’s probably cancer. I would go get checked at your nearest doctors office. Love you crunchy mommas stay safe and most importantly stay crunchy.
So the last two days has been pretty tough for me, I can’t put my finger on exactly why but I’ve been pretty mopey 😔 and teary-eyed. I always have in the back of my mind the what if’s just sitting there taunting me but I don’t think that’s what’s bothering me. I’m 27 I’ve had lupus since the age of 8 so I’ve lived more of my life with it then without it so it’s pretty much all I know. I’m a pretty bubbly person for the most part I think why let everyone know how miserable 😩 I am if there’s nothing they can do about it and have them feeling down because I’m down and they can’t help then I’ll see them down and make me even more down so I figured I’ll fake it till I can’t😁. Music normally helps me out a lot but it’s just not doing it for me, maybe spending some time with my bf will help out. How has your day been? Share with me I really wanna know. #hey #toughday #Lupus #MentallyTired #tired #Exausted #Share #Fibromyaliga #Depression #MentalIllness #Music #DeepThought #musictherapy
I read the things you wrote on your page about your former friend that lives in the hell of bpd.
1st) bpd is a mental illness and the push/ pull is a part of it. If someone struggles with Schizophrenia and has hallucinations in your presence would you say" maybe these people aren't real friends because they had hallucinations around me??" or if a friend who has cancer had chemotherapy and later came to your house and threw up on your floor - because that's what chemotherapy does -it makes people sick- would you say " maybe i was wrong to imagine "these people"- who have cancer and throw up after chemotherapy - to be real friends. I would hope not! It is the same with bpd! The pushing away is part of the illness!- just like hallucinations is part of schizophrenia and hair loss and getting sick is part of chemotherapy.
The pushing away has nothing to do with you. It is part of the illness of bpd! you're taking it personal and it is not personal. It's part of the illness!
I have a friend who suffers with schizophrenia. He came to my house one day having a psychotic break- full blown hallucinations and delusions! I did not take it personal because i recognized it for what it was -I knew because, as his friend, i educated myself on schizophrenia and was able to help him through it and get him the help he needed. I never once took it personal and sure never contemplated that maybe "these people"- those who suffer in the hell of schizophrenia- aren't real friends because he came to my house in a psychotic break. What i wonder is if you have such compassion and love for former friend and so much wanted to help her, how much research did you do to really understand bpd. The pushing away is part of the illness. both the push and pull.
I push/pull when i experience closeness. When i push people away, it's when I'm feeling intense, chaotic, overwhelming hell of emotions and I'm just trying to make it all stop! people who really know me and have educated themselves on bpd ( like my partner of 29 years and my therapist) know and understand that it is NOT personal. They don't take it to heart and they ride it out with me until i can get back to leveling out. They don't ever make me feel bad. I'm the one that ends up hating myself for it. I would do anything not to be like this!!! I hate living in this hell and i hate what i put those who love and care for me through. There are times i have pushed people away to keep them from involving them in my hell. I can not get away from this intense, chaotic hell inside, but i can get people away to protect them from it. The guilt and shame of involving other people is intense and overwhelming. We do not do the things we do on purpose!! It IS part of the illness of bpd!!
I did once end a frienship because it was toxic to me and i never regreted it.
I thought this Mighty sight would be a place i would be understood. Now i never want to get on here again. I have been up all night so upset about what you said.
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