Hidingmypain

My life has changed so much these last 3-4 years. Migraines became chronic and I’m now peri menopausal. Essentially, I’ve gone from a svelte healthy runner to an overweight hermit. I cannot exercise or go out in the sun (migraine triggers) & and now an empty nester. My husband of almost 30 years has NO compassion. My friends have for the most part given up on me due to all the cancellations. Easily crying and constantly thinking of exit plans.
I’ve almost had enough. I live for my dogs and my kids. I cannot wait to see what my 21 yr old (the baby) will do with her degree. The others have done great. #needtohangon #NeedSupport #EmotionalSupportDogs #MajorDepressiveEpisodes #Cryingspells

I realize that I always seem so happy at school and I am sometimes. When I'm smiling with others I make myself believe that my own mask is real but as soon as they're gone and I'm all alone walking through the halls the mask is there but I no longer believe it's real. There are no intelligible thought processes just emptiness worthlessness guilt anger fear and desperation. I want to let them know how I really feel but I know very well that this will do nothing but have a negative effect on my friends. I don't want to hide anymore but not hiding means affecting them and that's the last thing I want to place on my loved ones' shoulders. I think I'll just drown instead of weighing down everyone else's boat. #Depression #SocialAnxiety #Hidingmypain

On the subject today when I get so stressed I just want to throw myself in a cocoon. Where it is warm and protective and peaceful.
I can face my demons most times but I get overwhelmed and just want to hide so I do not effective others with my mood!
#Hidingmypain