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Long covid is killing me….

I just wish people wouldn’t blow me off. Or act like my feelings are too big. Or get so uncomfortable when I try express what I am going through that they get off the phone or rush the conversation. I get it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant, scary, taboo. Whatever word you want. But it is happening and it is happening to me. I need my people. They act like they can’t handle it but what about me? They may say sound selfish. But sorry your feelings are uncomfortable but I am planning my funeral so my parents know my wishes should that happen. Like get a backbone and be there!

Friend: some people can’t handle death… they can’t comprehend it.

I can’t either so it is frustrating when trying to process and people are like I don’t this well. Well fuck you! I need my people. That is my biggest fear about dying. Not having my people, being without my twin, who will comfort mom who is having a nervous break down, who will take care of dad while he is aging, who will be there to hug me in the darkness? And the darkness isn’t here yet and I am already alone…

#Gastroperasis #COVID #longcovid #longhauler #Stroke #Dystonia #Seizures #tubie #PegTube #StarvingToDeath #IronDisorder #ImmuneDeficient #Death #FinalWishes #darkness #BigFeelings #TooBig #iamvalid #valid #LeftBehind #DoNoLeave #Twin


When it all unravels

My mental illnesses trigger eachother to conquer my mind in an orchestrated opera. Last week my Panic disorder appeared, follwed by my generalized anxiety, which invited my major depressive disorder to cue in my PTSD. The melancholy song is debuting every day now, each of these thing interwoven.

I know I am stronger than I think, I know I need to be as kind to myself as I am to others, I know I will get through this, and I know my feelings and symptoms are valid. #panic #PanicDisorder #strong #iamvalid #Anxiety