darkness

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    I just wish people wouldn’t blow me off. Or act like my feelings are too big. Or get so uncomfortable when I try express what I am going through that they get off the phone or rush the conversation. I get it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant, scary, taboo. Whatever word you want. But it is happening and it is happening to me. I need my people. They act like they can’t handle it but what about me? They may say sound selfish. But sorry your feelings are uncomfortable but I am planning my funeral so my parents know my wishes should that happen. Like get a backbone and be there!

    Friend: some people can’t handle death… they can’t comprehend it.

    I can’t either so it is frustrating when trying to process and people are like I don’t this well. Well **** you! I need my people. That is my biggest fear about dying. Not having my people, being without my twin, who will comfort mom who is having a nervous break down, who will take care of dad while he is aging, who will be there to hug me in the darkness? And the darkness isn’t here yet and I am already alone…

    #gastroparsis #COVID #longcovid #longhauler #Stroke #Seizures #Dystonia #scared #darkness #TooBig #valid #IamVaild #Twin #DoNoLeaveMe #help

    Community Voices

    Long covid is killing me….

    I just wish people wouldn’t blow me off. Or act like my feelings are too big. Or get so uncomfortable when I try express what I am going through that they get off the phone or rush the conversation. I get it’s uncomfortable, unpleasant, scary, taboo. Whatever word you want. But it is happening and it is happening to me. I need my people. They act like they can’t handle it but what about me? They may say sound selfish. But sorry your feelings are uncomfortable but I am planning my funeral so my parents know my wishes should that happen. Like get a backbone and be there!

    Friend: some people can’t handle death… they can’t comprehend it.

    I can’t either so it is frustrating when trying to process and people are like I don’t this well. Well fuck you! I need my people. That is my biggest fear about dying. Not having my people, being without my twin, who will comfort mom who is having a nervous break down, who will take care of dad while he is aging, who will be there to hug me in the darkness? And the darkness isn’t here yet and I am already alone…

    #Gastroperasis #COVID #longcovid #longhauler #Stroke #Dystonia #Seizures #tubie #PegTube #StarvingToDeath #IronDisorder #ImmuneDeficient #Death #FinalWishes #darkness #BigFeelings #TooBig #iamvalid #valid #LeftBehind #DoNoLeave #Twin

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    This #Song “Better Days” by my absolute favorite singer-songwriter Dermot Kennedy that has one of the most #Powerful , #relatable #MusicVideos

    “It’s about #perseverance and shows the feeling -the actual physical assault that life can throw at you and pushing through and pushing through -the image of the rain actually hitting you and hitting you, but always knowing that something better is on the way and that the #darkness will always give way to #light

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    The farther between

    Ever since I moved to Texas to be with my love things have improved drastically. I don't mean it's even about Josh. It's not New environment, different people, new scenarios and not n my shit hole 21,000 population hometown. I've been awake for 3 hours now. It's been a bad bad week. Monday I gashed my shin open at work and I was pissed they had me scheduled on a Monday anyway. I don't do Mondays because I hate them and my customer service isn't up to my standards. I'm like Garfield comic strip about Mondays . It was also Mexican Mother's Day. I'm a server/bartender in a text mex joint. They were trying to clean me up and I'm bleeding everywhere so I could stay. No fuck that. So I just grabbed my bag and ran to my truck and left. Got home pissed and crying and in pain. I've been saying for a while I'm going to leave this job. Tues heard nothing from Anyone at work. Cool, they get the hint. Blah blah sent an email to the general manager and the went to an interview to be a bartender for the Hilton. I'm feeling low and worthless anyway. My leg is fucking killing me. Thursday I try to get n the shower and throw a pizza n the oven and go to shut my front door and smash my thumb in the door frame and it get stuck because of the screen door latching over it. I finally get it out. It's 3x the size of my other thumb. Fuck it's broken. I don't have insurance here so fuck . Of course it's throbbing a d I get a migraine on top of that. I'm feeling really fucking sorry for myself. I'm depressed. I may way more money than josh and I feel so bad we r counting out change this week for gasoline. I can't do it anymore. He deserves better than my bullshit and I really just want to get on a plane and pick a random ass state and just be alone. I'm a klutz anyways always hurting myself and I'm crying for the 5th time since being awake. Josh went to the bathroom and saw me at the kitchen table. He knows I have insomnia and asks if he can do anything. I was like "no one can do anything for me" rather flatly. I know it's Saturday and I just can't already. I've taken all my natural happy remedies and nothing. #Insomnia #self -sabotage #darkness #anger #Depression #numb

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    What Darkness Have You Conquered?

    <p>What Darkness Have You Conquered?</p>
    4 people are talking about this