Setting healthy boundaries with my mom
My mom is extremely judgemental and hyper critical of me. We talked on the phone today and I was telling her about how I cleaned my apartment over the last two days... Then she said "so your caseworkers saw your messy apartment?" And I was not going down that rabbit hole. I said "we're not having that conversation. Let's talk about hot dog condiments instead" and she said ok . I usually hang up on her when she becomes a royal pain but I decided to try to steer the conversation in a healthy direction this time. She talks about how perfect my younger sisters are, their jobs, their kids, their husband. And then she shreds me.
I have tried explaining to her about my disorders but she thinks I'm lazy and need a hobby. She's old and set in her way and I have to remember I can continue to live my life without her in the way cuz she doesn't want to see me.. the last time I saw her was 6 years ago. And that was the only time I saw her in the last 14 years..
I am her dirty secret, she doesn't tell anyone that I'm trans, not even my uncle who I told this year and he responded with calling me by my chosen name, which my mom won't do . I've been out of the closet for 14 years now. I haven't used my legal name in 12 years. It boggles my mind. She has talked about Caitlin Jenner and used female pronouns and used her chosen name but she won't do that for me.
My mom is difficult to handle sometimes but I do love her even if she doesn't respect me. I just got to live authentically and do my best despite my mom being the way she is. I'm a good boy. Not the best but I'm good enough.
I'm actually out of the closet as a leather puppy to her. A few years ago she bought me my first puppy hood. I was in a puppy competition and had to give a 2 minutes long speech and she let me practice it over the phone with her. She was very supportive. She says it's weird but she knows I'm happy and have always had a very strong imagination. It's not hurting anyone or anything and it's a release for me and brings me joy. She just says I spend too much money on puppy gear. I am going to try to get a leather vest and custom back patch this Christmas. Then I'll be set.
I'm not perfect. I'm weird. But I'm a lovable weirdo.