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Physically beside you but lightyears away. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Love #Emptyness #Forgiveness #lack of selfworth #Lettinggo

I love her fiercely. I could write a love story like none before based solely on our life as one...
So why can I not say it to her everyday? Why can I not show her how much my life has changed?... How Every.Little.Thoughtful.Word has pieced together a heart and soul which shattered long ago, before she watched
the pieces turned to sand. One by one. She stood by my side waiting for our time. Watching in horror as everyone from my mother and family to friends and exes break me down. Each day of my 'old life' is filled with memories that bounce back and forth between sleepless nights in fear of the terrors, a painful addiction I have allowed to take over. My mind races, I see the faces of my two little ones. Lost to my mother... But safe and together which is what really matters, still every day I cry for hours on end. Missing them is the only pain worse than the fear I have that one day she will wake up and realize that I am not worth the effort, the time or the headache.
Yet everyday as she pulls me close and tells me that day will never come, that no one could ever take my place and I will be at her side for all the coming years of our lives.
#Loveofmylife #amazingwife

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#lack of energy/focus

I seem to spend a good portion of my day trying to get myself to do things: clean, bake, cook, shower- (this I do - some days it takes a while-) then when I get stated I am usually good for a while w a little stop here and there. Sometimes w more thought mustering up energy - I am good to go again.
It was easier for me when I worked. Then I had to do something. It was part time work.

Now- I sit and try, try, try...


#lack of money is feeding my depression

Losing my battle over depression due to my lack of finances.I feel so done. Don't want to live don't want to die but living this existence is exhausting.
If I can't work anymore because of my mental issues and I am 66 years old where do I go from here ?