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Lost my mom on Valentine’s Day 7yrs ago today 2021
Miss you momma, everyday, you left after 7 short weeks, gone from the tall, strong, proud and fiercely independent woman to a frail mommy who needed a wheelchair. Still in the middle of a bowling competition and even though you were losing your life, you still worried about letting the team down. So organized to the end that you contacted all dr’s and optometrist etc to tell them they could take you off their books now as you were dying. All that in the week or two you had at home, where you wanted to be. Prior to that you were having tests, so many tests in hospital. I can’t count how many dr’s now told us, definitely no cancer... until that fateful day when you had to undergo surgery to take out a ‘benign’ lump they told us and then we were told, it’s everywhere! It had hidden itself so well that not 35 blood tests picked it up, nor a 3D colonoscopy plus all the other tests. When they found it, they didn’t think you’d make it home. But they underestimated how determined you were, and so with the help of hospice and the self feed morphine injection, you made it home for your last two weeks.
I stood back, letting all my older siblings have their turn with you during that time. They never saw you on Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day or your birthday....always some excuse. You were my friend momma, more than that. Anyway, I gave them time and I quietly paid the bills from my recent divorce settlement. Thinking all would contribute as promised...oh well, things people say. I regret not having the voice to tell them all that I wanted to be with you, I regret not being able to spend as much time with you then as I would have liked. But it was a privilege always taking you where you needed to be and being just around the corner from you so I could see you often. I remember at 12 yrs I started getting embarrassed with my mom holding my hand when crossing the street... but in the end before we knew you were sick, just for a clinic appointment and then always having our toasted sandwiches together and me taking your hand as we walked.. there was no more embarrassment, only pride that I then got to hold your hand. I miss you momma, think of you so often, can’t wait till I get to see you again. I love you my momma.
#lossofmom #
