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    Community Voices

    I’ve ruined my husband & marriage. Long vent!!!

    I did a really stupid thing. I can’t fix this and now I’ve ruined my husband and my marriage.
    Let this be a warning to anyone who wants to help family.

    2.5 yrs ago my niece was having a crisis. Mentally, & emotionally. Her family life was crap, with 2 addicted parents. Her mother actually knew that when she was 13 she was involved(boyfriend) who was 19. She was a very beautiful young girl who at 13 looked 18. Her mother knew they were having sex and would drop my niece off at his home. In my opinion she was trafficking her. Any other attention she did receive at home was mostly being yelled & screamed at. She was also allowed to drink and smoke pot. She had actually been sexually assaulted when she was 13 by an unfamiliar adult male at a party she attended that was mostly 20 yr olds. She was 14 now & already sexually promiscuous looking for love & attention.
    I knew she would do so much better in our care, we could offer her stability & the attention she didn’t receive at home. At this time I was very very happily married to my best friend for 25 years. I knew my husband did not like or trust her, because of her past actions. He really didn’t want her in our home but he knew it was important to me to try and help so he went along with it regardless of his own feelings. We brought her into our home and I took full guardianship. She seemed like she was flourishing & above all happy, & doing well in school which she wasn’t before. She went from D’s to A’s. About 3 months into her being with us she claimed my husband sexually assaulted her by kissing her on the lips( which in our family we do) and touched her butt, through clothing. I knew she was having a ptsd reaction. I took her to the Dr in the hopes of getting her help & therapy for her mental & emotional problems.
    She told the Dr he sexually assaulted her. As required the Dr had to make a report even tho she(Dr, has know myself & husband for more than 20 years). She agreed with me that she had actually probably had a ptsd reaction. I know my husband he is a REALLY good man, when I say I knew that he is absolutely not the kind of person to do this I MEAN IT. I never ever once questioned the accusation and fully supported him throughout all this. She was removed from our home and placed back home with her mother who trafficked her in the beginning.
    Then began the nightmare. My husband was charged with felony sexual assault.
    The system is so completely screwed up. One &1/2 years later after almost 40,000 in lawyer fees he was charged with 2 felony counts in the 2nd degree. He had been an avid deer hunter and gun enthusiast. He was made to surrender all his weapons, had to be on the Sora list for sexual offenders for life. He had to participate in an online state run therapy for sexual offenders. He was in therapy with actual guilty parties while he himself was innocent.

    This has mentally & emotionally ruined him! He isn’t the same person he used to be. It has ruined who he thought he was. He now is labeled pedophile because of her age. He has developed severe depression & anxiety and is full of sadness & anger & rage.
    It has actually come to the point that he is having a difficult time with life in general and has been suicidal. All of which I can understand.
    Unfortunately the anger & rage is usually directed at me. Our marriage has lost all its specialness. There is no intimacy between us anymore and no communication.
    I have ruined my husband and our marriage. I’m so lost & angry myself. There was zero proof of anything just the word of a ruined comprised child. The court took zero interest in her past life and upbringing. She wasn’t the one on trial he was. An innocent man.
    I’m so afraid he now wants to end the marriage as this was my fault for bringing her into our happy life.
    It is literally killing me to watch what is happening to him. I dont know what to do.
    Her mother failed to take her to therapy when she needed it. She has now after this and she has been diagnosed with bpd & cptsd. (which is accumulated over years not 3 months). She has had to be hospitalized several times for self harm. I believe it is the guilt eating her up.

    My marriage has been ruined.
    My husband is falling apart
    I can’t fix this.
    I live with the guilt everyday and don’t know how to overcome this.

    The system is completely screwed up. Also her mother was never charged with trafficking her or providing alcohol & pot to a minor. Nothing happened to her for her negligence.

    #angry #sytemsucks # lost

    5 people are talking about this
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    × " Why Do People Chose To Steal From Other's " × #angry

    × " So I Started Re-stocking On Food Again.. And I Count Everything That I Eat To Not Over Spend Or Over Eat.. So I Bought Pop-Tart's For My Breakfest It's 12 Count Box.. I'm Never Home I'm Alway's Working... And 3 People Stay Working From Home.. But Since It's Thier House.. They Littetly Come Into The Room That I'm Staying In.. And Leave The Door Open And Open The Blind's.. I Hate That It's My Private Space.. I Don't Go Into Other People's Space... Unless I Ask.. I Don't Eat Thier Food.. Because They Never Leave Food To Share.. So I Buy My Own.. I Was Left With 2 Pop-Tart's.. I Have Already Counted That I Had 5 Left.. No Respect What's So Ever... This Is Why I Hate Family... " × #venting ☆☆☆☆ ▪︎ S.K. ▪︎☆☆☆☆

    33 people are talking about this
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    Depression, Guilt, Numb

    My depression is so heavy.. I can’t get my ass out of the bed before noon. Every step feels like I’m full of cement. I just daze through the day, dissociating. I feel nothing but angry at myself and guilty. I hate myself. I can’t do anything right. Everything I say is stupid and wrong so I don’t say anything at all. I’m a failure because I’ve let my family down. I’ve been chronically depressed for 12 years. I have 2 therapists, but I can’t be seen as much as I need to. I’ve been on 13 antidepressants and they don’t really help. I have one friend. All I do is sleep because I’m exhausted from not sleeping. I oversleep and wake up feeling like shit anyway. Yesterday I slept from 10pm to 4pm. I sleep because i don’t have to face the day and pretend I’m happy. I have no interest in anything anymore. I impulsive shop and eat fast food because I don’t have energy to learn how to cook. I’m numb. Empty. What’s wrong with me? #Depression #Anxiety #Selfhate #lonely #Antidepressant #MentalHealth #ChronicDepression #PTSD #angry #oversleep #Sleep #Insomnia #Nightmares

    31 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Grumpy days.

    This is just a full blown vent, if you're in need of uplifting and motivating content today then please don't read this ❤️
    I normally try to see the bright side of everything and I don't like to show everyone what I'm really feeling. I went off of my Prednisone in the beginning of March and it took 2 months to get through the mood swings and finally start to see my normal face shape, I had to start taking them again because I hit a bad flare up. It frustrates me that my family know how much I dislike being on them and how bad the side effects actually affect me. And yet they still make remarks about how I should keep taking them because I seem better when I'm on them. After everybody dealing with my moods from going off of them, I feel like they all secretly wish I stay on them because I'm less groggy when I take them. My dose is tapering down again and I'm not sure if that's why I'm feeling so angry all the time again. I'm frustrated with everything and everyone. Every little thing seems to bother me lately and I don't know how to deal with it. I can't keep going to my family about what I'm feeling because it seems that the easy way out for everyone is to shove more meds down my throat. I'm tired of taking so much medication. I'm tired of the side effects. I'm tired of feeling like a pufferfish and everyone telling me how fat I'm getting. I'm tired of feeling irritated by everything , this is not me ... #tired #frustrated #angry

    Community Voices

    Who even am I?

    Started back to #Therapy this week. My homework was to “do something just for me, something I enjoy”.

    I had to think about that, I’m still thinking about that. My career and my life revolve around caring for people. I used to say that my #Joy comes from seeing others happy but maybe that isn’t true anymore. Maybe I have cared too much and helped too much and maybe I don’t enjoy it anymore. It’s sad to say that and I still care of course but I don’t get joy from it, I do it out of duty and responsibility now.

    So what do I enjoy? What will I do this week for me?

    I’ll set myself #free . I’ll allow myself to not care about anyone else, even if just for an hour. I may not know what my #selfcare will be just yet, but I’m going to let myself find it.

    #Nurse #Burnout #Stress #overwhelmed #tired #angry #anxious #depressed #fighting #journey

    Community Voices

    Just a Brief Vent

    I'm tired, but I want to speak out how miserable I am. My boyfriend snaps at me, puts things in places that trigger my OCD, is controlling, emotionally, mentally, and financially abusive. I miss my cats so much. Stores are out of cat food. I sabotage myself. I'm stupid. I'm bad with money. No one will help me in the way I need. I don't feel safe. My body never feels right anymore. I owe money. My boyfriend makes me feel like crap. I want my cats. Nobody cares. Nobody can help. I try to stand up for myself, and people think I'm a B. They think I don't want help or I'm not ready. There are certain things I've learned and experiences I've had that taught me how the usual treatments (and new treatments) don't work for me, wear off, or cause damage later. I have no family or friends. I want out of this state so bad. I want new experiences. I want my freedom. I was scared before, but this new world terrifies me. I'm afraid of what else is going to happen. I was in the bookstore a couple of days ago, and four kids, two boys and two girls, I'd guess about 18 to their early 20s, were laughing and snickering at me. I'd turn to look at them and they'd turn away, but peeking back. I heard one say "She's so short!" I don't get bothered much about comments about my height, but it just took me back to childhood and high school. One of the said something, and the other girl said, "That's mean!" but still laughing, and the other girl said, "I know, but it's funny!" I was just minding my own business, looking at the magazines. I want out of here, and I don't know how to do it.

    #OCD #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #PanicAttacks #lonely #Depression #angry #abused

    5 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Frustrated, angry, in pain, depressed and feeling useless. #Depression #angry #useless #inpain

    I just posted that I have been doing photography again as art therapy to help distract me from the depression. It is helping, but it is only short-term temporary relief.

    I have also been in a lot of pain and discomfort with my back, so when I do go out to photograph things I really feel it afterwards. It also effects my job where I do a lot of bending and getting into abnormal positions.

    My mind has been a big problem as well. I am having huge problems with focus, attention and retention. I get easily distracted which makes things take longer to do because I am constantly having to refocus. It is so aggravating. I am so frustrated with this. It effects everything I do in life, including the photography. I have seen doctors about this for years and have taken every medication to treat these problems. Nothing has worked. It has even gotten worse, especially after having ECT treatments.

    I am really struggling and feeling hopeless and useless. What has really been frustrating and aggravating is that friends, doctors, therapists and well wishers all tell me this is all temporary and things will get better. Sometimes they do, but I always seem to end up struggling again. This has been anything but temporary. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for more than 40 years. I keep looking forward to better times. I have been let down so many times I don't look forward anymore.

    #Depression #angry #inpain #useless #hopeless #ECT

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    I’m struggling mentally/emotionally after diagnosis

    I’m angry and depressed. I don’t have anyone to talk to that understands what I’m going through. I have a therapist. But I don’t have anyone that has the same struggles as me. I feel like I can’t talk to anyone and feel 100% understood. I feel alone and exhausted. #depressed #angry

    Community Voices