I’ve ruined my husband & marriage. Long vent!!!
I did a really stupid thing. I can’t fix this and now I’ve ruined my husband and my marriage.
Let this be a warning to anyone who wants to help family.
2.5 yrs ago my niece was having a crisis. Mentally, & emotionally. Her family life was crap, with 2 addicted parents. Her mother actually knew that when she was 13 she was involved(boyfriend) who was 19. She was a very beautiful young girl who at 13 looked 18. Her mother knew they were having sex and would drop my niece off at his home. In my opinion she was trafficking her. Any other attention she did receive at home was mostly being yelled & screamed at. She was also allowed to drink and smoke pot. She had actually been sexually assaulted when she was 13 by an unfamiliar adult male at a party she attended that was mostly 20 yr olds. She was 14 now & already sexually promiscuous looking for love & attention.
I knew she would do so much better in our care, we could offer her stability & the attention she didn’t receive at home. At this time I was very very happily married to my best friend for 25 years. I knew my husband did not like or trust her, because of her past actions. He really didn’t want her in our home but he knew it was important to me to try and help so he went along with it regardless of his own feelings. We brought her into our home and I took full guardianship. She seemed like she was flourishing & above all happy, & doing well in school which she wasn’t before. She went from D’s to A’s. About 3 months into her being with us she claimed my husband sexually assaulted her by kissing her on the lips( which in our family we do) and touched her butt, through clothing. I knew she was having a ptsd reaction. I took her to the Dr in the hopes of getting her help & therapy for her mental & emotional problems.
She told the Dr he sexually assaulted her. As required the Dr had to make a report even tho she(Dr, has know myself & husband for more than 20 years). She agreed with me that she had actually probably had a ptsd reaction. I know my husband he is a REALLY good man, when I say I knew that he is absolutely not the kind of person to do this I MEAN IT. I never ever once questioned the accusation and fully supported him throughout all this. She was removed from our home and placed back home with her mother who trafficked her in the beginning.
Then began the nightmare. My husband was charged with felony sexual assault.
The system is so completely screwed up. One &1/2 years later after almost 40,000 in lawyer fees he was charged with 2 felony counts in the 2nd degree. He had been an avid deer hunter and gun enthusiast. He was made to surrender all his weapons, had to be on the Sora list for sexual offenders for life. He had to participate in an online state run therapy for sexual offenders. He was in therapy with actual guilty parties while he himself was innocent.
This has mentally & emotionally ruined him! He isn’t the same person he used to be. It has ruined who he thought he was. He now is labeled pedophile because of her age. He has developed severe depression & anxiety and is full of sadness & anger & rage.
It has actually come to the point that he is having a difficult time with life in general and has been suicidal. All of which I can understand.
Unfortunately the anger & rage is usually directed at me. Our marriage has lost all its specialness. There is no intimacy between us anymore and no communication.
I have ruined my husband and our marriage. I’m so lost & angry myself. There was zero proof of anything just the word of a ruined comprised child. The court took zero interest in her past life and upbringing. She wasn’t the one on trial he was. An innocent man.
I’m so afraid he now wants to end the marriage as this was my fault for bringing her into our happy life.
It is literally killing me to watch what is happening to him. I dont know what to do.
Her mother failed to take her to therapy when she needed it. She has now after this and she has been diagnosed with bpd & cptsd. (which is accumulated over years not 3 months). She has had to be hospitalized several times for self harm. I believe it is the guilt eating her up.
My marriage has been ruined.
My husband is falling apart
I can’t fix this.
I live with the guilt everyday and don’t know how to overcome this.
The system is completely screwed up. Also her mother was never charged with trafficking her or providing alcohol & pot to a minor. Nothing happened to her for her negligence.