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Gone when I need you most

#Depression #Anxiety
To make this post more fully understood, I feel I need to go back several years. In 2015 my best friend was diagnosed with a rare but treatable skin cancer. She was diagnosed in October and told me not to worry because it was very treatable. Long story short, she went through he'll. My mom & I visited her in the hospital. After her family left us alone, she told us that her family didn't know yet but they had found a spot on her lung. This was right before Christmas and by the last week in January, she was gone. Her birthday was a few weeks later so I went up to spend some time with her mom and take her a gift. My mom wasn't feeling well so I made the visit alone. Four days later, I took my mom to the hospital. Three days after that she passed away. I had a mental and physical breakdown after that. The Drs found conditions that I must have had for years. I was so busy taking care of other people in my life that I ignored my own health. Fast forward 5 years. I'm no longer able to work but was coming to grips with my new normal. Then my brother passed away 5 years and 10 days after my mother's death. So, also in Feb. Aside from my husband and my stepdaughter and her family, my family had all but abandoned me.
This year in October, I had a pap come back with ASCUS and positive for HPV 33/58. Those are high risk for causing cervical cancer. Not the highest but high. I went through colposcopy and then a few weeks ago a cold knife conization. My anxiety was through the roof constantly waiting. Meanwhile my cousin was going through treatment for the second time with cervical cancer. Here it is the holidays and I was trying to stay positive. I wanted Christmas to be special in case it was my last one or in case I would be going through treatment. My stepdaughter had my granddaughter text me to invite us up Christmas morning to "hang out". No food. No celebrating. Just sit there. Keep in mind, she is fully aware of my diagnoses and the procedures I had gone through and the upcoming biopsy for me. I figured they needed a day to just chill. I didn't care what day we celebrated Christmas so I offered to do it at our house. I was sent a text dripping with attitude letting me know that they would have to decline. No explanation. No offer to do it at a different time.
So, praise God, my biopsy came back negative. I don't know whether my stepdaughter knows or not. She hasn't asked so, I haven't told her. I am not healing well from the procedure itself yet. So, I am supposed to take it easy. I purchased some things to make everyday life easier in case I had to go through any treatments. They've been sitting in the boxes since the beginning of December. All they required was installing pull out drawers for our cabinets. So, measure and drive 12 screws. Keep in mind I am disabled and he does maintenance for a living. I've been having extra trouble with my feet lately. He let me know that it would be nice to have instructions. They came with instructions and a template. Now for some unknown reason he is giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking. He's treating me as though there is no reason that I shouldn't be taking better care of the house.
I need to go to a clinic about 2 hours away for a procedure for some of my GI issues. For this one, I could drive but I get extremely anxious driving in that city. I know it's going to be a fight because he keeps asking if I "need" a driver. He reluctantly drives when I am put out for procedures locally. Now, I went to the Dr this week and there is a spot on my foot that may be melanoma.
I don't feel like I have anybody to count on anymore. I've always been there for everybody else. Why do people peel away when you need them most?
I'm sorry for the long post but as I said, I have nobody to lean on. I needed to get this out. Just needed to vent.
BTW...I installed the pull out drawers.
Thanks for reading.

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When will this crazy Woe Train come to an end?

Since August 3rd - I had COVID for 15 days, kidney stone, double kidney infections for 6 weeks. I then had a breast biopsy that indicated something was wrong. Lumpectomy 11/29 that was invasive carcinoma. Fell in the driveway. 12/19 two lymph nodes removed (negative for cancer). 12/28 my PCP referred me to a dermatologist, melanoma on bridge of my nose and 2 questionable moles on the back of my right should. 4 solid months of exhausting, painful issues on top of my chronic back pain, fibromyalgia and gastroparesis.

I did not decorate for any of the holidays. Haven’t worked in the yard ( which I enjoy) haven’t sewn or crafted. Basic meals for my husband. I’m not in a funk, I’m hurting, tired and now stressed.

Once the pathology they sent out today for more tests comes back from my cancer it’ll tell them if I need chemo on top of the radiation.

I want off this train of woes

5 reactions 4 comments
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Finding Authentic Words of Support During Serious Illness

Part 1 of 2 Receiving a diagnosis for a serious illness unleashes fluctuating emotions like a rollercoaster that no one wants to be tall enough to ride. If you have been through that or are going through it now, it’s likely you’ve been on the receiving end of well-meaning, but less than helpful comments. Sometimes that’s because people don’t know what to say, and other times, they are too uncomfortable with their own feelings of worry, lack of control, and fear to confront difficult truths. Either way, it can be hard to deal with those types of comments on top of the all-consuming health challenges.

I have been successfully treated for both malignant melanoma and squamous cell carcinoma, and while cancer is just one subset of serious illness, it is currently the second leading cause of death in the United States. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Over 1.6 million people in the United States were reported to have new cases of cancer in 2020, which is the most recent year for which data is available (Cancer Statistics). So, chances are each of us is or will be in a position to need or offer support at some point in our lifetimes.

Throughout the health issues I’ve experienced and witnessed, along with the current testing I’m undergoing for a plasma cell disorder, I’ve heard a variety of supportive and non-supportive comments. As a result, I’ve reached the conclusion that it’s best for me to directly express my needs and concerns to family and friends very early on in the diagnostic process. This is not only empowering during a time when everyone involved is facing a lot of unknowns, but it also helps create the most supportive community of care to surround me as together, we deal with the ups and downs of unique health concerns.

Looking back, I know I have made plenty of “off” comments to people prior to dealing with my own illnesses. But one of the lessons there is seeing ways to be more present and compassionate with myself and with others. With that in mind, the following are some common things people say when someone has a serious illness, along with how that might be interpreted, and suggestions for developing a more authentic, supportive connection.

Comment: “You look great, though!”

Thoughts: This can feel invalidating. Many disabilities, cancers, and serious illnesses are invisible to others, and it can be frustrating to explain that our insides may not match our outsides, and looking well externally doesn’t mean we feel well.

What to say instead: “I’ve been wanting to check in with you. It must be frustrating to deal with an illness that others cannot see.” This shows interest and is validating.

Comment: “Let me know how that goes,” or “Keep me posted.”

Thoughts: A person facing serious illness has a lot on their mind. A LOT. This isn’t about a job interview or an offer on a house. Don’t trivialize a person’s illness and add to an already heavy emotional burden.

What to say instead: “I’d like to check in with you to see how you’re doing. Would that be o.k.?” This is engaging and asks for consent, which gives the recipient control. Asking about the frequency of check-ins can also be a good way to ensure you’re not inadvertently over-communicating or potentially contributing to feelings of loneliness and isolation. Another option is, “Is there someone in your circle who’s managing communication around your health?” If not, consider offering to be that individual, along with “and if not, that’s o.k., too,” which offers choice.

Comment: “You’re so thin,” or “You’ve put on a few pounds.”

Thoughts: Some cancer drugs cause weight changes that can make a person feel self-conscious. And we shouldn’t be commenting on others’ appearances, whether a person is healthy or not.

What to say instead: “I’ve been thinking about you. Can I ask how you’re doing?” This demonstrates care and concern and invites a conversation while giving the person with illness the choice whether to share a health update.

Comment: “I’m going to think positive! Fingers-crossed!”

Thoughts: This can come across as invalidating and dismissive, as if we can wish away illness and is usually indicative of someone’s inability to sit alongside uncomfortable feelings.

What to say instead: “I care about you deeply and want the best possible outcome for you.” This is honest, direct, and creates connections.

Comment: “I know someone who had the same thing you do, and they’re totally fine now.”

Thoughts: No. Just no. If you find yourself starting to tell a “success” story, please stop immediately. No two health situations are exactly alike, and it can feel like the person with illness is not measuring up when things aren’t going as well as they did for the person in your story. Also, centering yourself at a time

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Cancer & OCD

So over the past 4 months I have had three spots of skin cancer removed. All were non- melanoma and all were caught early. I am in my mid 40s so not super young, but certainly not very of either, granted age is simply a number and mindset. But I also suffer from OCD and this situation has pulled me so far into deep dispair that I am feeling like I am
struggling to find hope and contentment.

It doesn’t help that I am also a highly negative person and have generally looked at things in a darker manner than I would truly like to.

I am seeing a couple of counselors about all this but it still sometimes feels like 1 step forward 2 steps back.

I know I am not facing terminal issues currently but my mindset seems to have gone down that rabbit hole.

I could use some words of hope or wisdom for handling this and any suggestions for care are welcome too.

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Definitely my feelings #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #catheterlife #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #MentalHealth

Ive not been on here in a while .Since march I have long term catheterised which has caused so many issues,non stop hospital stays which along the way now dealing with other problems.Mentally I am so drained I feel miserable that I'm not who I was 9 months ago,I can barely do anything.ive become basically house bound and most days the pain stops me even doing simple daily tasks.i feel like such a failure as a mum and as me in general .I hate seeing myself in the mirror now with cathter, more scars from the skin cancer biopsies,having to use walking aid due to the spinal issues & pain I just hate what I see and what i am now.But I'm so fed up feeling this way and I try so hard but each day between pain and everything going on my aims to try and feel better seem to just completely become non existent.....

I hope everyone is well ♥️
#ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #catheterlife #Endometriosis #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #biopsies #SkinCancer #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #AloneTogether #loveyourself #Selfcare #Melanoma #Bekind #loveyourself

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A smile can hide many things .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #Depression #Selfcare #Parenting

Just because someone is smiling doesn't mean they're FINE .Just because someone you see that is unwell or has been dealing with any physical or mental health issues is smiling doesn't meant they're BETTER .It doesn't mean they're OK now or that they're not in pain .Usually alot of the time it's because they are used to dealing with their struggles and pain and are just trying to put on a smile and get on with it .You never know how much someone is really struggling so don't judge them .Don't just assume or make comments to them about their health being better or because they don't look sick if they're smiling or have managed to get dressed or go out .You've no idea how much it's taken them to even do that ....
And you never know just how much someone need syour kindness today ♥️

BE KIND ♡
YOU MATTER ♡
LOVE YOURSELF ♡

#MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BladderPain #BladderProblems #bladder #Endometriosis #AloneTogether

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Reality .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #ChronicPain #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #CheckInWithMe

😂😂😂 this is definitely the reality when suffering with chronic pain , anxiety ,depression ,fatigue ,physical pain or just mentally struggling.
When you feel like you need a rest after just taking a shower because your so drained .....

It's the little things that seem so simple to others that can really take so much working upto actually doing & then struggling so much after doing it .

#MentalHealth #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #bladder #BladderProblems #Endometriosis #Catheter #Melanoma #Anxiety #mentalhealthmatters #Bekindtoyourself #loveyourself #Positivity #Bekind #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Parenting #GeneralParenting #Insomnia #ItsOkNotToBeOk #SkinCancer #AloneTogether #struggling #youmatter #Selfcare

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Upcoming summer break is causing me so much anxiety ......... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Parenting #GeneralParenting

So tomorrow is the little ones last day at school before the 7/8 weeks summer break.
I had been hoping g that I'd have had some sort of surgery or treatment by now before this instead doff just being left like this for nearly 4 months now.I am feeling so anxious about trying to be mummy everyday over the break ,making it fun for them ,keeping them occupied and busy and making memories while mostly being housebound.If it's nice we can spend time in the garden and do things ther ebut even that I know I will struggle with ,so on the rubbish weather days when we're estuck at home while I'm in constant pain I am stressing about how I can make it fun for them ,be mummy , not ruin their break because I am in agony and supposed to be on bed rest !! I feel frustrated that I have been left like this and still waiting on appointments regarding teats and if can get the surgery etc. I go in next Wednesday for biopsies ,two for cysts they found on my thyroids so I'll have stitches and stuff too and probably not be feeling the greatest. So my anxiety is just so bad ,feeling so guilty that compare dto last year I can't do the things I always did with them plan trips,days away, swimming,fun activities etc as even doing simple things at home are such a struggle pain wise and then totally drain me ......
Really trying to think of lots of little ideas to do with them to make memories and make it as fun as I can for them but I am really stressing over it .
While also trying to make sure i have little moments of self care for myself to help with my anxiety & to try take those moments to do things for me to just recharge myself so i dont end up completely burntout.Having chronic pain ontop of other health issues while trying to be the old me and best mummy I can now is definitely challenging 😭😭😭

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Bekind #loveyourself #GeneralParenting #Parenting #MomGuilt #Positivity

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Reality ........ #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness

I have so many health issues and symptoms going on at the moment I don't know whether I'm coming or going !!! I have had Meds increased and also on new medication and trying to take some vitamins on top too to try help with some symptoms and issues .

I feel like I am a million different versions of myself daily as if it's not one symptom playing up it's another and at this point I feel like I've lost all control & awareness of it all some days .......

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #Positivity #Bekind #catheterlife #Catheter #loveyourself #Parenting #GeneralParenting

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Really struggling with this .... #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness

I am really struggling with getting used to the NEW me ! The reality if chronic pain & illness & struggling with the fact I am no longer rthe person I was before. I am no longer able to make plans in advance as I really do not know which way I will be when I wake up.Between the constant pain ,the fatigue,anxiety,restlessness,feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and trying to just get through a day it's just impossible. I no longer put pressure on myself for being unable to do this or feel guilty as I have enough going on without constantly putting myself down over things I CANT control.I am struggling at times though feeling frustrated that when I do things even someday just walking around the house or garden a little more I make my pain so much worse and with having this infection now over 3 months someday walking is just unbearable!!

I am struggling but I will keep trying and trying to be kind to myself and proud of myself if all I did was make it through another day 👌😊

#MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #Anxiety #Depression #Selfcare #Melanoma #SkinCancer #Insomnia #longcovid #COVID19 #PTSD #Upallnight #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #InterstitialCystitis #Endo #Positivity #Bekind #Bekindtoyourself #Catheter

143 reactions 44 comments