Gone when I need you most
To make this post more fully understood, I feel I need to go back several years. In 2015 my best friend was diagnosed with a rare but treatable skin cancer. She was diagnosed in October and told me not to worry because it was very treatable. Long story short, she went through he'll. My mom & I visited her in the hospital. After her family left us alone, she told us that her family didn't know yet but they had found a spot on her lung. This was right before Christmas and by the last week in January, she was gone. Her birthday was a few weeks later so I went up to spend some time with her mom and take her a gift. My mom wasn't feeling well so I made the visit alone. Four days later, I took my mom to the hospital. Three days after that she passed away. I had a mental and physical breakdown after that. The Drs found conditions that I must have had for years. I was so busy taking care of other people in my life that I ignored my own health. Fast forward 5 years. I'm no longer able to work but was coming to grips with my new normal. Then my brother passed away 5 years and 10 days after my mother's death. So, also in Feb. Aside from my husband and my stepdaughter and her family, my family had all but abandoned me.
This year in October, I had a pap come back with ASCUS and positive for HPV 33/58. Those are high risk for causing cervical cancer. Not the highest but high. I went through colposcopy and then a few weeks ago a cold knife conization. My anxiety was through the roof constantly waiting. Meanwhile my cousin was going through treatment for the second time with cervical cancer. Here it is the holidays and I was trying to stay positive. I wanted Christmas to be special in case it was my last one or in case I would be going through treatment. My stepdaughter had my granddaughter text me to invite us up Christmas morning to "hang out". No food. No celebrating. Just sit there. Keep in mind, she is fully aware of my diagnoses and the procedures I had gone through and the upcoming biopsy for me. I figured they needed a day to just chill. I didn't care what day we celebrated Christmas so I offered to do it at our house. I was sent a text dripping with attitude letting me know that they would have to decline. No explanation. No offer to do it at a different time.
So, praise God, my biopsy came back negative. I don't know whether my stepdaughter knows or not. She hasn't asked so, I haven't told her. I am not healing well from the procedure itself yet. So, I am supposed to take it easy. I purchased some things to make everyday life easier in case I had to go through any treatments. They've been sitting in the boxes since the beginning of December. All they required was installing pull out drawers for our cabinets. So, measure and drive 12 screws. Keep in mind I am disabled and he does maintenance for a living. I've been having extra trouble with my feet lately. He let me know that it would be nice to have instructions. They came with instructions and a template. Now for some unknown reason he is giving me the cold shoulder and barely speaking. He's treating me as though there is no reason that I shouldn't be taking better care of the house.
I need to go to a clinic about 2 hours away for a procedure for some of my GI issues. For this one, I could drive but I get extremely anxious driving in that city. I know it's going to be a fight because he keeps asking if I "need" a driver. He reluctantly drives when I am put out for procedures locally. Now, I went to the Dr this week and there is a spot on my foot that may be melanoma.
I don't feel like I have anybody to count on anymore. I've always been there for everybody else. Why do people peel away when you need them most?
I'm sorry for the long post but as I said, I have nobody to lean on. I needed to get this out. Just needed to vent.
BTW...I installed the pull out drawers.
Thanks for reading.