I haven't experienced a single moment of joy in just over a year (not even a slight exaggeration).
Since my boyfriend and I broke up last May and my best friend of 22 years ended our friendship due to inability to tolerate my emotional breakdown, I haven't been happy, I haven't laughed genuinely, felt clear-headed, inspired, motivated or hopeful in any sense.
I attempted getting back into the dating world only to find myself in an abusive relationship that made me feel much worse (I've luckily been out of that now for 2 weeks).
I've up-ed my anti-depressant dosage from 10mg to 20mg which is still rather low. I'm even considering coming off them in fear they are to blame for my zombie-like state.
At least when I was in said abusive relationship we were going out to do things, restaurants, nature walks, family events, etc. Now all I can manage to do when I get home from work is sit on the couch, and scroll on my phone while the TV plays in the background until I fall asleep. I've gained 5-8 pounds.
I feel traumatized. Not mentioning all I've been through in the past but just within the last year. I feel paralyzed and afraid that I will never a joyful moment ever again. Every once in a while I will force myself to partake in one of my hobbies or visit with a friend. But I dread the commute home each day because I know I'm driving home to a lonely Hell on Earth.
Is it ok to hide from the world for awhile? Is it ok to do nothing until I feel right again?
#MentalHealth #breakup #Heartbroken #PTSD #Trauma #Depression