Heartbroken

So it finally just hit me like a tonne of bricks and has suck I’m that I will NEVER BE HIS PRIORITY!
His cars and every other cunt out there are his priorities. I’ve been by his side for 30 fucking years and I still can’t be said to be a priority.
He can plan a weekend away (and take annual leave) in the drop of a hat but can’t organise or get leave to take me on a fucking weekend away. NEVER EVER EVER🤬😭😭
I’ve just realised that it’s never gonna change so why the fuck I even here?! I don’t want my kids having a broken home. I love him so so fucking much!😭😭
WHY THE FUCK CANT I BE HIS PRIORITY!!!! God damn even just one time. We’ve been one time and only bc I PAID FOR IT ALL!!
He only agreed to come bc I told him I’d go without him. Basically he went out of obligation….not bc he wanted to be with me. Fuck I just want a few days; is that too much to fucking ask😩😭.
He’s left me behind all these years and goes and does whatever the fuck he wants but can’t commit to a few days away with me….ME the stupid cunt that’s had his back and loved, cared and looked after him for all these years. Now the kids are grown id always thought that this was when I’d get MY TIME with HIM!
I’ve literally waited all these years believing that when the kids were grown I’d finally have my time with him. Well it turns out I’m just a dumb cunt bc I’ve been waiting for absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.
I literally can’t put into words how sad this has made me and honestly if it’s not gonna happen now then I need to have a serious think about a lot of things. I’m so fucking hurt I feel destroyed and hopeless.
I’m fucking heartbroken

I haven't experienced a single moment of joy in just over a year (not even a slight exaggeration).

Since my boyfriend and I broke up last May and my best friend of 22 years ended our friendship due to inability to tolerate my emotional breakdown, I haven't been happy, I haven't laughed genuinely, felt clear-headed, inspired, motivated or hopeful in any sense.

I attempted getting back into the dating world only to find myself in an abusive relationship that made me feel much worse (I've luckily been out of that now for 2 weeks).

I've up-ed my anti-depressant dosage from 10mg to 20mg which is still rather low. I'm even considering coming off them in fear they are to blame for my zombie-like state.

At least when I was in said abusive relationship we were going out to do things, restaurants, nature walks, family events, etc. Now all I can manage to do when I get home from work is sit on the couch, and scroll on my phone while the TV plays in the background until I fall asleep. I've gained 5-8 pounds.

I feel traumatized. Not mentioning all I've been through in the past but just within the last year. I feel paralyzed and afraid that I will never a joyful moment ever again. Every once in a while I will force myself to partake in one of my hobbies or visit with a friend. But I dread the commute home each day because I know I'm driving home to a lonely Hell on Earth.

Is it ok to hide from the world for awhile? Is it ok to do nothing until I feel right again?

#MentalHealth #breakup #Heartbroken #PTSD #Trauma #Depression

It happened. And I never thought that this day would come and how hurt I will feel… he let me go because I am not independent on my own and couldn’t find a job. I tried SO hard to make it work with my art. But I am a struggling artist. He just Couldn’t take it anymore. He told me he was thinking about ending things with me for months, sleepness nights etc. I’m 28 and This was my first boyfriend and partner. We were together 4 years. I just moved back to my parents as I had nowhere else go. Unpacking mu things halfway through and I started breaking down again. I feel so broken. So useless and lost. I don’t know what to do, what to feel, where to go. I am so scared. I just want to cry and hide from the world. I feel like i am not going to make it. I feel beyond repair. I feel shattered. #breakup #heartbreak #Heartbroken #lost #hurt #useless #scared #Broken #Shattered

Discouraged and giving up on situations I have been praying over, crying out for and believing for the past few years. They are consequences of my mental illness that I have done all I can to rectify, mend and heal for. I guess it just wasn't in the cards. #timetomoveon #movingforward #notsupposedtobethisway #Heartbroken #Itiswhatitis

I was wondering does anyone with anxiety or depression, have days when they feel alone? They don’t have anyone who really checks up on them to see if they are doing okay.. but , there’s a ton of “friends “ who expect you to do so for them ? The past couple of days I have been really down and the most I’ve received was “ My parent was in the hospital and you haven’t answered any of MY messages.” You’re not depressed you’re just selfish and looking for attention!!” What do I do now?!! #confused #Heartbroken

Has got to be one of the WORST feelings of all time! I made the mistake many of us do, by molding my world around him as he stood at the center of it, so without him, I have nobody. I’m feeling all these annoying normal feelings of a breakup ON TOP of this stupid depression. I feel like any progress I made is gone and I’m back at square one. I don’t know how I will get through this. The pain is unbearable. I sincerely feel I don’t deserve this. I gave him everything I had to give. 6 years of on again off again, it’s like we always found our way back to each other. However now I’m wondering if it was all just a trauma bond. How do I get over this and move on when the stupid depression keeps me in bed?? I am soooo lost and depressed. 😭😭My soul feels shattered. I don’t know what to do, how to pick myself up or how to move on. It’s been him and only him for 6 years now… and after 3 months of being back together after breaking up for a year, he just decided to cut it off for good… I don’t understand. Nothing makes any sense right now. I’m just hurting so bad right now.
#MajorDepressiveDisorder
#Anxiety
#Heartbroken
#lost
#BreakupsSuck
#sad
#ineedafriend
#confused
#hurt