minority

My black mom was a horrific severe narcissist. The things she did to me is not common amongst black moms at all. I’m sure not even other black women would hold space for me as it’s just not a thing that happens

So with that, I have no value in this world. I cannot fit into other abused groups of black people because my abuse is not a thing in the black community

#black #Abuse #narcissist #abusiveparents #blackmom #Race #minority

Here's my situation: I'm in high school and I love my Cross Country sport. It is my life. Those people are my community, my religion, my everything. IF anyone denied me the right to attend or did not allow me to ever do that again in my life ever, I would simply not be able to live without it. IN A LITERAL SENSE.

I am a minority and my family is not known to have a sport or any exercise in their life. They do not know the joys of a real friendship or a real loving community. They are alone in the US and do not have family members.

I feel that:

they do not understand me. They forbid me from going to practice because it is a hassle for them and they prefer I skip practice to attend their church.

Personally: I am religious, I believe in God. But I do NOT have all the time in the world to sacrifice my exercise time (health), or organizations and events that I am in and attend (like clubs, Latinos In Action, Deca, WCYC, NHS, etc). I am striving for the best and school is demanding for the best. And I demand for the best, but the way I see it is that attending all the sermons is not healthy for me in any spiritual, physical, or emotional way.

Here's why:

That church is only full of old Mexican people: I do not identify with them and their problems are not relevant to mine.

That church has unhealthy times/schedules for me: The church expects me to come on Mondays from 7:00-9:00 pm and it is about a 30-minute drive to my home so I get home at around 10:00 pm. This is not healthy because I need to wake up at 5:00 am and need at least 8 hours of sleep to go to my XC practice (the sport I have a passion for) The same goes for Thursdays. And Sundays are the worst because it is right in the middle of the day and is from 1:30 pm to 5:00 pm. My family always go out to eat on sundays and I am forced to go with them and they take like 2 hours so by the time I get home it is 7:30 pm, where I have a mountain of Homework to do from all my AP, CE, and Honors classes, Clothes to prepare for the next day, Meal preps to do for the week, and trying to go to sleep early.

I feel that church does not help in any of my problems. I see it as any catholic would. Just a thing I have to attend every three days of the week that wastes my time. I get no social benefit because it is not a community. It is a mandatory thing I have to attend and suck it up, even if it's boring, irrelevant, and not going to do any difference in my life.

#HighSchool

#strictparents

#minority

#churchisntmything

I’m leaving my job at the end of the week and it’s scary . It’s scary and sad how abusive the work environment has become since I started working there two kids and three surgeries ago. It’s also frightening how I did not realize how hellish it had become till I was on medical leave. Now I’m doing my two weeks. I’m back to drinking which I had not felt the urge to do the entire time I wasn’t working. It’s taking time to emotionally disentangle like an abusive boyfriend. But thank god the process has begun this is a scary but hopeful time