Can not breathe but no one is chocking me
Can not sleep, but no one is making a noise
Do not want to accept, even if it is the truth
Do not want to be reminded , even if I forgot
Has never been easy, I wish those memories were long gone
But I need to be kind to myself and move on
My black mom was a horrific severe narcissist. The things she did to me is not common amongst black moms at all. I’m sure not even other black women would hold space for me as it’s just not a thing that happens
So with that, I have no value in this world. I cannot fit into other abused groups of black people because my abuse is not a thing in the black community
The more I work with the mentally ill - abused when children #Bipolar , #BPD , #Depression , and more, as a #councillor and one who has these illnesses too, due to obscene #Childhood trauma, of which I’m on the mend thank goodness.
I’m no longer surprised at the horrifying abuse my clients have been subjected to when they were children, leaving them with mental illnesses, Rather, I’m sickened, with a deep sense of fury , lost on how utterly cruel, and evil their parents or family members who perpetrated the abuse are.
The abuse I suffered for years as a small child, leaving me with borderpolar, which I’ve spent years recovering from, I’m no longer angry about, it doesn’t affect me anymore, but I do still have borderpolar
My years of studying, & working on myself, helped me. I learned that healing comes when we let go, and move forward, and this helps my clients.
My point is a serious concern, about HOW is its possible, to prioritise things like #black LIVES MATTER, or #fighting CANCER, or #the WAR ON DRUGS etc, which DO matter, and ARE important subjects, needing attention, , but where’s the headlines, the hype, #help , #Care or #concern for children ( now adults) - who've been #brutally abused? And the circumstances have left them #mentally ILL as a result? And who are mostly #Homeless , #addicts to numb the pain. Who society has thrown away?
It’s overdue, long overdue, to make headlines, hold fundraising events, highlight and educate people on #mental ILLNESS, and DO SOMETHING real to help, , to do your part in the desperately needed love and care, who’ve #suffered HORRENDOUSLY, leaving them sick and thrown away.
Does anyone else have black outs and disassociation? With this last one I guess I was doing crazy things (almost ate dog food thinking it was hamburger). My mom was able to get me to bed but I woke up the next with cuts, bruises and a hairline fracture in my thumb. I hate this. And by the way I don't drink or do drugs because of a genetic disease I have. I feel frustrated, lost, out of control and embarrassed. # #black outs