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Am I machine?
"Here's to being human
All the pain and suffering
There's beauty in the bleeding
At least you feel something"
-Three Days Grace
While I know I'm human, there are times I feel more like a machine; heartless.
Sometimes, when people yell and scream at me, I don't cry, I don't flinch, I don't care. I let them tell me how pathetic I am, how useless I am, while I stare at them blankly.
My "best friend" has been living with me for a while now, physically I'm fine, but everything mentally? Its in ruins.
She says "talk to me," so I do. Then she uses it against me or tells other people, people I don't know, people I don't trust. When she's upset, I'm try to be there, but she pushes me away, turning to everyone else except me.
I wonder if I can even feel things properly. My physical pain tolerance is high, according to my family, and so is my mental tolerance.
I have been used, played with, judged, and put down so many times, my feelings always being put third or fourth, almost never second.
I love my boyfriend, who puts me first, but I'm scared I'm more machine then human.
How do I open up when my box has no doors or windows?
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