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He reached out today (sorta).

“I will send you $100 this Friday.”

It took 118 days, but he texted me directly this morning. He owes me a lot more than $100. I wanted to say more to him—how are you, are you feeling better, what’s new. I liked the message instead.

I came back from a trip without him where I stood, alone, in front of professionals and a camera. I conducted my grief out. I shared with my therapist that grief has transformed my conducting. I’m defensive. I’m emotional. I’m angry.

The professionals this weekend included my mentors. They helped me be genuine. To not smile unless I feel like it. To relax and not feel like I have to defend myself.

I’m trying. This is what my grief looks like. It hides itself well.

#Grief #breakup #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Music

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Music helps me feel better

I found a playlist of fairy core music. I was getting burnt out on George Ezra and Benson Boone. This stuff is pretty good. Bunch of singers I've never heard of. Very comforting. What are you listening to?

#Music #MentalHealth

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I’ve Written an Album About Bipolar Disorder 💿🎼🎸 #BipolarDisorder #Music

Wishing you all a very blessed weekend 🤗
I hope you’re all doing well today. I wrote an album a few months ago about my experience with Bipolar Disorder and I have attached a link to it below. I would be grateful if you could take the time to have a look at it and share your thoughts and ideas on it. If you relate to any of my experiences or have any different experiences or patterns that you feel you would be comfortable sharing. Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I look forward to hearing from you all as always 👌
Finished My Album 💿
#MightyTogether #MentalHealth

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Finished My Album 💿

I’ve just finished writing my album entitled “Bipolar Disorder”. Hope you like it 👍 Bipolar Disorder – Track Listings 1. Self Medication 2. Mania 3. Antipsychotics 4. The Psychiatrist 5. Sort…
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Heal Song by Tom Odell

I have had this song on repeat this week. I hope you listen to it free on YouTube or however, but a video with the lyrics is even more helpful.
I hope these lyrics with his voice on this particular song helps wash away some of your pain too.
Try consciously breathing in an out while you listen to his resounding lyrics:

Take my mind
And take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal

And take my past
And take my sins
Like an empty sail takes the wind
And heal, heal, heal, heal

And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last

And take a heart
And take a hand
Like an ocean takes the dirty sand
And heal, heal, heal, heal

And take my mind
And take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal, heal, heal, heal

And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last

#Pain #Trauma #heal #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MajorDepression #ClinicalDepression #Fatigue #ChronicIllness #Disability #TRD #TreatmentresistantDepression #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MoodDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #DepressiveDisorders #Grief #Songs #Lyrics #MentalHealth #MightyMusic #musictherapy #Music #BipolarDepression

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Gifts and rewards

Just before con, I had earned a reward for doing my chores on the app we use called obedience. One reward is an item from my Amazon wishlist. She surprises me with something special. She got me a pair of Bluetooth noise cancelling headphones! They're perfect. So comfortable, can't hear shit except for the music. I missed art group today but I'm hoping to go next month and I'll bring these with me. I can listen to my music without bothering my caregiver. Flutter is so good to me.

#selfcare #Music #Relationships

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Music is balm for the soul

I recently started exploring different music. I'm currently obsessed with Livingston. He's really good.

What music is on your playlist?

#Music #coping #MentalHealth

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A Timely Self-Empowerment Anthem with Inspirational Lyrics

From “Firework”— Katy Perry

……. Do you know that there's still a chance for you?
'Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework
Come on, show 'em what you're worth
Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
As you shoot across the sky
Baby, you're a firework
Come on, let your colors burst
Make 'em go, "Oh, oh, oh"
You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow
Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow
And when it's time, you'll know…..

#Music #MightyMusic #TheMighty #MightyTogether #MentalHealth #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #TreatmentresistantDepression #Anxiety #ChronicFatigue #ChronicIllness #Loneliness #DistractMe #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

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What music helps you get through?

Music has always been my escape, since i can remember. In the last years i have listend to more of music that would not be my typical genre, but i can connect with in some way, if that makes sense.
What are some songs you listen to to help you through hard times.
I'll start. My favorate atm is "Hi Ren" by Ren #Music #Depression

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