journaling

A few weeks ago, I struggled with depression. I had weaned myself off my meds hastily. Well, for the past 2 years since my diagnosis I felt fine. I was doing better than I had imagined. I recently started a new job, in an industry I loved. I was happy. I was alive and it felt great to be alive. I felt my life was moving back on track and, I was glad I was back to my old self again. What I didn't realise is how quickly all of that would end for me, the happiness that is.

My body shut down. I was at the gym and experienced a panic attack instantly. The calm I had known, became a raging storm. It was the feelings of inadequacy, an overwhelming sense of emptiness that engulfed me and it was the constant thoughts of doubt that flooded my mind. I felt extremely empty and fatigued. I knew two things:

If I relapse now, I will potentially have to be readmitted. I just started a new job and relapsing isn't a great impression when you trying to impress a new employer. I can fight this. I may not win the battle instantly, but small steps daily to deal with my triggers including; reaching out for assistance and taking my meds can make the journey easier for me. I need to realise it is okay to seek and ask for help. The challenge I have found with battling depression is trying to convince myself out of the existence and destructive nature of a reality I create in my mind. Which is often flawed compared to my present life and reality I live in now. I also am trying to learn to be kinder to myself and listen to my body more.

I have gone back to my meds, I realised that because I experience days when I am "happy", they are often far and few when I decide to actively go against doctor's orders by not taking my medication. It is okay not to be okay, but sinking a ship which can be saved is not worth it.

#MightyMinute #DistractMe #CheerMeOn #MightyPoets #CheckInWithMe #Journaling #Depression

In case no one has told you this lately: Your story is important. The Mighty is living, palpable proof that sharing what we’ve been through, however we choose to do so, gives collective strength to a choir of voices that might otherwise go unheard.

That leads us to today’s creative exercise: If you were writing a memoir about your life (it doesn’t have to be about your health, but of course it can include it), what would you title it?

Mighty staffer @xokat would probably name hers “Wobbler,” in honor of her bilateral vestibular loss that makes her swerve through life (and fundamentally changed the course of it).

#MightyMinute #DistractMe #CheerMeOn #MightyPoets #CheckInWithMe #Journaling #MentalHealth

Fʀɪᴅᴀʏs ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ; ʜᴇᴀʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴇʟғ-ᴇsᴛᴇᴇᴍ, ɪᴍᴍᴇʀsᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟғ ᴛᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴄʜᴀʀɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʀᴇᴊᴜᴠɪɴᴀᴛᴇ ʏᴏᴜʀ sᴇʟғ-ᴄᴀʀᴇ.

Eɴᴇʀɢʏ Gɪᴠᴇʀs ᴛᴏ ᴛʀʏ

#Nature
#Music
#Sleep
#WholeFoods
#Journaling
#Yoga
#movement
#FreshAir
Nᴀᴍᴀsᴛᴇ 🗣️🪷💥

Yesterday, I shared how my mornings go. Today I will elaborate on why "Every Morning" is so very exhausting.

I've been in the mental hospital more times than I would like to admit. However before that, I went to college majoring in biology and neuroscience. I wanted to understand my chronic issues and "fix me".

Unfortunately, I did not find for what I was looking. Going through several different specialists, I found some diagnosis (treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety disorder, a circadian rhythm disorder, sleep apnea mixed in with a bit of obsessive compulsive disorder and perfectionism).

I never found a medication or medication combination that revolutionized my life. I found many coping mechanisms that helped like medication, a proper diet, journaling, blue light therapy, talk therapy, yoga, dance, deep breathing techniques, transcranial magnetic stimulation therapy (TMS), acupuncture, Chinese herbs, teas and lately, homeopathy.

However, as I alluded to earlier life happens and you are left flat broke (literally), unable to pay for most of these services. For example, due to my mental health, I had to leave graduate school and move in with my parents. My business failed, and at this point no one will hire me. My ex-husband left because he couldn't support us (along with a mental breakdown of his own). So, I am left alone, depressed, anxious, unemployed, living with my parents, picking up the pieces fighting the strong urge to just give up. Did I mention I my mornings are actually afternoons? (More on that later.)

Yes, this is officially a "Cry Me a River" post. However, that's why I joined this platform. I officially have no one to really talk to or in my case 'vent'. However, I think that is why we are all here. Am I right? Let's get all of our problems out in the open and support each other?

Well, I definitely hope that is the case because most 'normal people' look at me, when they hear my story and say, "I am praying for you". They also say, "I am sending you good vibes".

That's all very nice and appreciated but I am sincerely looking for the support and strength to keep going. I want to keep finding the good things in life, the joy, the wonder, the excitement, anything that makes my life worth living. I don't want to give into the perpetual desire to clock out of the human race. (Not that there is any guarantee things will be better on the other side, just saying.)

As Angelica Hudson says to Drew Barrymore in "Ever After" (It's a really sweet movie by the way.) "No matter how bad things may get, they can always get worse."

It's up to me to make it better and that's a hard concept to swallow. It's just me against this crazy spinning rock. :/

#Support #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #Community #Support #venting #circadianrhythmdisorder #Journaling #TMS #Acupuncture #chineseherbs #homeopathy #financiallystruggling #unemployed #Divorce #Burnout #Loneliness #Hope #strength #NeverGiveUp #onwardandupward #togetherwecan

Hello everyone I’m from Michigan and just came back home from a nice vacation in Orlando to beautiful universal studios!! The weather was just so warm and there were just so much to do in so little time. Living in Michigan it can be hard in the winter time when the weather starts to change you just sometimes lose sight of who you are and all the people around us doesn’t seem to matter. Climate change definitely can be a big trigger for depression. But what I always tell myself is that it is only temporary-although in those moments when depression hits it can seem like nothing else matters. In the end it does matter- and this is just a little positive reminder that you’ve got this!! Feel free to comment and let me know where you come from and how this effects you. #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression