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    Community Voices

    When Life Goals Change

    <p>When Life Goals Change</p>
    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    I'm back

    Hello everyone, it's Jhana. I've stepped down from this group for awhile because of personal reasons. I'm happy to be back. I will start Sharing my diary entries. I hope everyone has been doing well.

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    Coping With Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria in High Rejection Rate Jobs

    So, you have rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and you decided to work in a high rejection rate job. I’m not judging. In fact, I’m that person with RSD who works in not one, but two to three high rejection rate industries. I’m a writer and performer by trade, meaning I’ve heard no more than I’ve heard my own name. In the beginning, I was a bit naive and thought I’d be an exception to the rule, and then I wasn’t. I was rejected left and right by publications, literary agents, editors, casting directors, casting teams, and people whose names I have never even heard. It’s not because I’m not talented or gifted. I’m incredibly skilled at the things that I do, but in these industries, it’s not about talent. It’s about luck. Sure you have to have the talent to back it, but talent only gets you so far and that’s the hardest thing to accept. The tough part about rejection-sensitive dysphoria is that any amount of rejection, whether it’s actualized, perceived, or otherwise can send someone into a debilitating spiral. RSD can be a true hindrance in life that stops us from pursuing new opportunities and hobbies, people, and even situations. Failure and rejection for me are synonymous at times, so my choice to work in the fields I do could be considered ill-advised. That being said, even with all the no’s, roadblocks, and doors slammed in my face, I’m thriving. Maybe it’s just due to how often it happens, or that I expect a “no,” while hoping for a “yes,” but either way I’m able to exist and grow in industries that my brain shouldn’t really play well with. How? Operating by these four key principles: 1. It takes 99 no’s to get one yes. This is advice my mother once gave me, and it’s what I credit to my being able to keep pushing on even when things aren’t technically going my way. I force myself to think of rejection and denials as a countdown, versus a true roadblock. This slight mindset shift helps me not see every no as the end, but rather just as a part of the journal. 2. A delay is not a denial. One of my mentors loves to say this, and boy has this saved my ass. If you’re in an industry where you’re just waiting for the “yes” to change your life, but you keep getting “no,” then it’s easy to feel like a delay is a denial when it’s not. A delay is just that, a delay. What you want is still coming, and it’s going to be perfect for you because it’s going to be for you. This is another mindset shift that really helps me deal with the countless forms of rejection that I get a week. 3. You’re in control the entire time, not the other way around. I know this doesn’t seem accurate because you need their “yes,” but hear me out. Let’s look at the acting industry. Movies need what to make a movie (generally speaking)? Actors. Without actors, it’s really hard to make a movie. Casting directors would have no one to cast and crafty no one to feed. Ultimately, they need you, you don’t need them. These industries rely on people being passionate enough to continually pursue something where their chance of failure is inherently greater than their chance of success, but that puts a lot of power in our hands, because if we decide to say no and enough is enough, everything stops. 4. Everything, and I mean everything is subjective. Even things that aren’t subjective are! It’s so maddening only because you could be perfect on paper (whatever that means) and still not be the perfect fit. As enraging as that is, what we have to keep in mind is that even our tastes are subjective, and subjective opinions are very different from objective facts. Someone having an opinion that you aren’t talented or worthy doesn’t mean that you aren’t. Someone disliking your project doesn’t mean it’s not good. It just means it’s not right for them. This could be due to personal taste or bias, but it doesn’t stand up to your actual value or worth, no matter how you may feel. Rejection is hard, but these four principles, affirmations, whatever you want to call them, are what keep me going and in the game. There have been so many times I wanted to give up and quit, but then I remember that I’m only on my 46th “no,” and so I have 54 to go before I can really make any decision on whether or not my project, or myself, is viable. You’re in control. You have power, even if you don’t actually feel that way.

    Community Voices

    I found a new love!

    I recently started journaling, once a day, before I go to sleep. I usually write about what I did that day, both exciting things and typical/mediocre things. The great part is, I usually end up finding small things to be grateful for that I would otherwise not give much thought to, whether it be the people I was surrounded with that day or small, unnoticeable steps I took to reach my long term goals. I suggest every one to find a piece of paper and a pen, and just pour your heart out. I guarantee you will learn something new about yourself :) #Journaling #Gratitude #reflect #Confidence #Happiness #grateful #Writing #activity

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    Community Voices

    I Finished A (Big) Accomplishment Today

    Disclaimer: This thought contains themes that may trigger you.

    Although this might sound like an easy task to carry out, I have been struggling to find out how to carry myself forward. Every single day, I have been feel nothing but dread and lethargy to such extent that bringing trash downstairs takes a lots of balls and hours of anxiety-driven planning before I could get it done.

    Days turned weeks, the anxiety has become more unbearable that I had no choice but to do something about it. Today is the unfortunate day when things turned upside down. In other words, everything I have written and posted today are events that happened not too long ago.

    With almost 10 years in the freelance writing business, one could imagine that I am this kind of person who is an expert and ideal for business success. While that was how it seemed from the surface, what’s beneath was far from reality.

    I was rotting inside. My soul was crushing and dying. Physically, I became a fan of self-inflicted bruises and wounds. Mentally, I was not able to think for myself right to such a point where choosing the most basic of things took a lot of time and effort. Overall, I wasn’t okay.

    Years forward, I am still working on my new chapter of my life. The urge of self-inflicting damages has been gone, as well as the loud scream of my bulimic tendencies has been whispered.


    Since 2 months ago, writing a book has been helping me out in my journey. It has been years since I’ve started this self-improvement journey through writing.

    How about you? What keeps you going?

    #Writing #recover #transformation #writingformentalhealth #Selfcare

    Community Voices

    Questions on Thursday

    Sorry this is late. I've decided to do Questions on Thursday. So every Thursday, I will ask a question and you to answer it. There is no right or wrong answer. So answer it honestly.

    What inspires you to write? #Writing #WritingTips #WritingThroughIt

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    Jalissa Carter

    Writing About Sexual Abuse as a Ghost in My Fiction and Poetry

    I loved being closed up inside of any room writing stories; it was my way to mentally escape. I tapped into my inner emotional being to push those broken feelings out and sprinkled them inside of fictional characters living chaotic lives. I enjoyed the feelings of peace and serenity that it brought me to release those hidden burdens. It saddens me though that I had to fictionalize memories that are tainted by a few horrific encounters that I’ve had with sexual abuse and trauma. My small circle of loved ones are unaware that I’ve been through more than I’ve admitted. There is one painful memory that I never wanted to bring attention to because I felt confused, ashamed, and unsafe. The only abuse that my family was made aware of is a molestation case that happened when I was 13 by an adult in his mid-30s. I was targeted by a child molester after my 13th birthday. I never understood what he was doing when he slid his hand in my pocket to feel. He said that he was, quote on quote seeing if I had gotten any birthday money. He moved his hand around in my pocket inappropriately. That moment made me feel uncomfortable. Although at the time I was an oblivious teen. So, I thought nothing more of it afterwards. Fast forward to a few nights later when he held me down in my bed, and told me not to tell anyone as he molested me. I had slow, tired tears flow down my cheeks. I felt that if I kept another molesters secret, I’ll forever endure this painful cycle of abuse until I withered up and died. So I told my family of the cruel and sinister act before he planned to do it all over again. All of the whispers and stares that I had to experience on that frightful day by neighbors wasn’t worse than being constantly sexually tortured. A lot of mental disorders were triggered within my family, which is probably the reason many of my relatives choose to keep their secrets as ghosts to haunt them. My mom was diagnosed with schizophrenia soon after the incident. The fragile life of my siblings and I instantly flipped upside down. With what transpired I never had the courage to tell my family that there’s one more abuser who didn’t care. This abuser held my tongue hostage so that I would never say a word. I never felt like people would believe me anyway or be there for me since my mom had been institutionalized. I tussled with heartbreaks, insecurities, depression, suicidal thoughts, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which crept in when I was a teen and has tormented me at 32 years of age. It wasn’t until 2019 that I mustered up the courage to write metaphorically about the sexual abuse that took place by a different abuser that no one in my life knows about. It is written inside a few poetry pieces that can be dissected by readers who read my chapbook, “Poetic-Li.” Hence the ghost inside my stories. There are a few other books that I have written that also references certain trauma scars that were left by the ghost. I wrote about the ghost with poetry because it wasn’t something that I felt comfortable vocalizing out loud. I was afraid that I would be viewed in a negative light by peers and become unloveable in a romantic relationship. It wasn’t until recently when I read a story on The Mighty by Mariel Bosque of her experiencing child-on-child abuse that I decided to open up about the pain of my past. I was unaware that there were other people that have also experienced a similar type of sexual abuse. This horrible act made me feel incapable of having a healthy sex life with my husband. My mind would replay the trauma repeatedly making me feel dirty and unworthy of real lovemaking. My stories and poetry reveals sexual dysfunction, sexualization, and rape. I’ve touched on these topics as a coping mechanism. It was how I told parts of my story without it being about me per se. Here is a piece of poetry where the ghost lingers: Forever on the brink of untold truthsDaring to tell the tale that was withheldSettling for zipped lipsLike a silent filmLipstick on the rim of a glass fluteIn my evocative ageThe era of sageI’ve decided to speakMy words unraveling in ink Jalissa Carter, Poetic- Li My first attempt at revealing the secrecy of that sexual abuse was in my poetry chapbook release. I feel like writing this today, in 2022, is a step towards more healing and less haunting of the mind.

    Community Voices

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    Community Voices