Hello/Living with Schizophrenia
I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in high school and my current psychiatrist is treating me for bipolar disorder mania (which he also prescribed lamotrigine in addition to the abilify). I am not sure about the bipolar as a diagnosis and want to make sure my mental health/wellness is being properly treated via meds.
I have posted in the other schizophrenia group and want to try here
I want to describe a few big events that happened for me.
My first time with schizophrenia was in high school in which I said I thought my Dad wasn't really my Dad. I thought my family was poisoning me via bottled water. And I thought that people were being poisoned via fluoride in water or something. But this never came back and became something else.
In June 2020 I thought I was a demo singer and that singing the songs of people like Katy Perry, Ariana Grande, etc the money got used for terraforming (which is making something Earthlike) Mars (despite a NASA website saying terraforming isn't possible with technology at the moment). I was also jealous about dating guys from New Zealand from primary school (my family left NZ for PA in the US when I was 10 years old).
I irrationally posted the delusions of being a singer and terraforming while criticizing someone being paranoid that they were out to get me/being abusive on Facebook and email to professors, classmates, and random people from New Zealand. I think what I thought was that NZ had to know I was a singer and doing terraforming so I could date guys from NZ and I wasn't thinking right at the time. It had been a while that I had the delusion of being a singer and the terraforming delusion came a little later.
It did not end well. Needless to say old professors and old classmates got offended but I didn't care as much about this. What bothered me was that someone from NZ had reshared the post with her friends and suddenly there was like 100 people from NZ defending the person I criticized mistakenly thinking she was abusive attacking me on my facebook wall and inbox. They were saying things like I was worthless and deserve to die and that wasn't right picking on someone with a mental health problem.
I have had 2 therapists and 1 counselor to process things so I have worked through things but there is just the tiniest bit left I have to process. My counselor thinks it is just sharing the story with someone.
I started a PhD in the end of August 2022 at the University of Texas at Arlington.
In Octber 2022 I had a blackout in which I couldn't remember how I got to the library and forgot how I got myself home. I also was hearing voices of people from New Zealand including a voice named Tania which I know isn't real. I had a delusion that I had connected to New Zealand and that people from where I was (which is currently Arlington Texas) were from NZ. I wasn't really thinking that I was a singer and the terraforming but it has been a concern for me worrying that it will come back but I hear that just being on the meds will help with that so it doesn't come back.
I was having a few breakthrough symptoms faintly hearing the Tania voice and the delusion connecting to NZ which got my abilify adjusted upward to 20 mg.
I heard from people on the other schizophrenia board that it might be temporary thinking I am a singer (and doing terraforming) and I hope this is the case and that it passes. I am wondering what you all think about my case!
Currently I am taking abilify 20 mg (used to be 15 mg and prior 10 mg) and I am really hoping that meds continue to treat and get rid of the delusions and hearing voices. I also like to get good sleep, exercise, and do meditation. I am hoping that these simple steps which are good lifestyle choices will help me so I don't hear things in my head that aren't real and work on my thinking. I think meditation isn't said to typically help with schizophrenia but I think just the nature of it doing breathing and sitting there with your thoughts that it helps me. I also like to drink tea as one of my good health practices.
I have gained from 150 lbs to 230 lbs from the antipsychotics/abilify and I am starting a journey to lose the weight I had gained from being on the meds. It is hard being hungry but I continue to do daily exercise and want to see my weight shift. My target weight is 180 lbs which is reasonable for me as I like eating.