Narsissistic

#Narsissistic mother

Hi, I’m new to this but long story short, I dated a narcissist for 4 years and basically screwed my mind up. My fiancé now, doesn’t necessarily get annoyed or anything but I feel like I’m annoying him by asking repetitive questions and a lot of them are about his past and I’m always second guessing him or thinking he’s lying about stuff.. I just need help and I can’t find a good therapist. I don’t really know what to do..

It is the time of year where loneliness is the hardest. This year is harder. I lost what I thought would be my close friend forever or potential mate. We were never together but we felt connected from our similarities. Sadly our similarities would only damage our mental health.

I fell for his words, he encouragement and how he looked passed my disorder. I thought to myself where did you come from. Times were tough when he’d overeact about little things I did. It started to break me down mentally. I failed my first practicum because my emotional well being was so unhealthy. I believed it was just my disorder but I knew I was in bad shape. At times I was crying hysterically on weekends. I was not well but I knew it couldn’t be anything to do with him.

We stopped hanging out which was very frustrating. I was lost and missed him. As time went on he would get angry if I called. He blocked me off instagram, his phone and facebook.

I have developed an unhealthy attraction to a guy who has a few narcissistic traits. I lost a friend who said i would be an amazing mom. I lost a guy who said i had wife qualities. I lost a guy whom maybe is incapable of love. #Narsissistic #BPD #clusterbpersonalitydisorders #toxiclove

I have been through a friendship where 1) I’m not sure it was a real friendship, 2) my awareness and expectations of who this person really was was entirely wrong, 3) I’m not sure if I did anything to bring about her rapid change in tone with me, and 4) I’m sure I was dealing with a person with one or more personality and mood disorders.

Let’s call this friend (or should I say “friend”?) Tara. Tara works with me in the same company. She’s a couple years older than me, now in her mid-40s, and has been in this company a couple more years as well, not a supervisor, more of a senior colleague. Tara was divorced/single when we met, and I am married.

Some background: Tara had married young, she married her husband when they were classmates in grad school, and then were classmates during an arduous 5-year training program, and then another year in practice working together until they had - what I heard to be - an ugly divorce (he had taken money from her, I heard). She never spoke much about him, occasionally mentioned she thought he was an alcoholic, but said they probably would have stayed together if they had had kids (they never did, she didn’t talk about that).

So she had been in her early thirties, divorced and single. She proceeded to go through several relationships, none lasting more than two years (one man she mentioned she had been “almost engaged” to, not sure what that means). She had also been through several jobs in the same field, with different companies.

At our company, she worked two floors above me for the first couple years after I joined. She was always friendly and cordial with me, I only saw her occasionally. But I began to hear that there was some rift between her and our other staff on her floor. I never heard what exactly had happened, but know Tara to sometimes be defensive, irritable, and territorial about her work - which she occasionally expressed in angry emails to the team!

The chiefs of the department had to switch her office for other purposes, so they transferred her downstairs to my floor, a quieter floor.

Our friendship started pretty quickly then. I had been one of the few coworkers who she had been casually friendly with even before she came downstairs and I felt sorry for her about how the others were treating her upstairs. Although I didn’t know the details about what happened up there, I felt that she was a good worker who was being unfairly maligned.

We hit it off quickly. Mornings and afternoons chatting in each others’ offices, lunch together in the team breakroom, went to conferences together, walks to the company store together. We began emailing and texting quite frequently. Text conversations almost every day. Book and movie ideas, political discussions, you name it, fun chats. Her mother passed away and I spent several long phone conversations with Tara, although she later told me she generally did not like to talk on the phone. Tara describes herself as an introvert, she certainly is, and when s