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Community Voices

Missing Friendship - Can anybody relate?

Feeling a bit lonely today guys, can anyone advise? ❤

Probably like a few of you on here lots of my 'friends' abandoned me 2 1/2 years ago when I got sick.

I tried to stay positive as I had 3 separate girls who I thought were 'keepers' I've been hearing less and less replies from them over the past 6 months.

Yesterday I messaged all 3, and none have replied. I feel even more lonely then before I messaged them.

There's nothing worse than feeling alone, when having friends is something you want.

I don't even know where to find anybody new. I find myself talking too much to anyone now doctors, nurses etc. Just because I don't have anybody else. It hurts.

What is worse is that it's my 'best friends' and my 10 year anniversary since we met this month, we were literally so close this is something we would have celebrated. she doesn't seem interested. She was like my family but seems to have moved on with new friends, as she's moved to another nearby town.

When she does message me im always hearing about a 'friend' when I ask what she's been up to.

Messages used to be often but now it's always 'sorry I didn't realise I didn't reply' or 'sorry I didn't send a reply i typed' or 'I completely forgot to reply' daily now. Where she's obviously messaging others and forgets about me.

I just feel at such a loss. I'm lucky to have an amazing husband but it's not the same as girl time.

Can anybody else relate? Sorry for rant. Happy Sunday everybody lots of love xx

#lonely  #Friendship  #Friends  #COVID  #longcovid  #longhauler  #CFS  #ChronicFatigue  #Fatigue  #Autism  #ADHD  #UndifferentiatedConnectiveTissueDisease  #UCTD  #MixedConnectiveTissueDisease  #hiatushernia  #housebound  #CheckInWithMe  #lookingforchat  #lookingforfriendship  #UK  #England

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Community Voices

Losing a friend as some with BPD.

I feel like I am losing my friend to someone else and it has left me in a jumble of emotions. I am heartbroken, I never knew I could feel so much pain at the prospect or even reality of losing a friend.

We are no longer close to each like before my friend spends all their time with this other friend and it has me feeling conflicted. I worry it's because of my mental illness, my friend was going through something and they didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me about it because I think they worry about how I would handle the situation but they told the other person and I overheard them say that the only thing my friend needs to worry about when it comes to our friendship is the emotional stuff and not the financial stuff.

I get it that sometimes I overshare or that I am oblivious to how heavy some of the stuff I go through and how it affects the people around me, but this has been my reality for years so I deal with it how I have for years, therapy and laughter.

I feel sad, I feel angry, I feel jealous and I don't know what to do. I am scared to confront my friend because then it is going to seem like I am making it all about myself or I might break down and cry and I don't want them to know that this is affecting me greatly. Even worse is that it is making me highly dislike the other person.

I don't know what to do.#BPD #Borderline #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Friendship #MDD #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Community Voices

Soul Full of Grime

Wish I hadn’t said goodbye

the sadness envelops me

I keep asking myself “Why?”

Why not put me out to sea

You were a wonderful friend

Can’t believe this is the end

You were there around the bend

Truly a friend to the end.

But in the end, they all leave

that’s the way it’s gonna be

I’m just too screwed up to love

please just put me out to sea.

My emotions are intense

I live on the Borderline

my emotions are suspense

My mind is simply fried

I wish I could turn back time

This message will have to do

because I don’t have a dime

and I have so much to lose.

You told me you’d be a friend

as long as you could be one

now it has come to an end

All in all and one and done.

I wouldn’t give up those times

they were the best in my life

although my soul is filled with grime

I will always fight for life.


Recently I fell off the DBT wagon. My thoughts became ambivalent, and unstable. I realized I needed to start using my skills again.

So I started re-reading the skills…specifically mindfulness. I’m not the biggest fan of talking about my feelings. I always get squeamish. People either tell me I’m too sensitive and I need to get a thicker skin, or that I’m messed up and they don’t know how to help me.

I had a therapist tell me that. To my face. Fun times.

To be honest, I’m glad I wrote that note to my ex-friend. It felt good to tell her how much her kindness meant to me in high school. We’re different people now but I still care about her very much.

People change, my dude.

Especially me.

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Friendship #Emptiness #Depression

1 person is talking about this
Community Voices

Trauma and friend issues

Got a bit of a heavy issue.. I've endured some heavy traumatic stuff especially over the past couple years.. And when times get tough, I retreat into my shell.. I don't talk to anybody, possibly for fear of rejection or being a burden.
Well with a couple of recent traumas when reaching out to a particular friend, I wasn't greeted with such a warm welcome. He is also a friend of one of the people I was in a traumatic situation with. I feel he didn't believe/want to understand the situation, as a result wasn't supportive. I then went through an S-assault about a year later, and didn't really get any emotional supportive response through that either.
So for a good while I decided to not keep contact.
Fast forward to recent months I've gotten back in contact with him, and still not so warm welcoming.
I try to explain that I turn into a hermit when things get tough and it's nothing personal on us as friends..
But his response was basically that I've been a shit friend and i need to step it up.

There's been no understanding from my perspective of post traumatic stress, depression, reliance on substance..
I know I've been a shit friend to a few people.. But my other friends have been pretty understanding when I apologise and explain.

This situation has also been rewinding my brain to some horrible experiences meanwhile too..

I'd just like to see if anyone has been through something similar and how they've approached it..

Much love xoxo
#Trauma #traumatic #Depression #PTSD #Friendship #friend

8 people are talking about this

How My Depression Stops Me From Hanging Out With My Friends

T-Minus Eight Hours Until a Hangout I need to get out of bed. If I get out of bed now I can get my laundry done, and maybe even call my parents back. Crap, I actually have a few missed calls. I got this. I just need to pull this blanket off of me, swing my legs out the bed, and go do what I have to do. Actually, I have eight hours. I can nap for two more. I’m still so tired and my body is so fatigued. It shouldn’t be because all I do is work from home, but it’s still work. Things have also been a little rough lately too. I deserve this rest. T-Minus Six Hours Until a Hangout It’s the afternoon. I still have time to get ready. I know my friends want to see me, but the longer I lay here the more I want to cancel. They know I’ve been going through it, so they shouldn’t be upset, right? But what if they are? What if they stop inviting me to things. I’ll lose all the people who love me. I need to go. If I set my alarm a little earlier than I planned, I can still get everything I need done. I’ll just rest my eyes a little more. T-Minus Four Hours Until a Hangout They probably wouldn’t even notice I’m not there. I’m pretty forgettable anyways. I don’t contribute much to the conversation, and my anxiety makes it so I don’t enjoy all the same things and places they do. I’m a burden and I’m just going to ruin the night. I always do. It’s for the best if I don’t go. I’ll tell them later though. I’m still exhausted. T-Minus Two Hours Until a Hangout What if I’m wrong and they want me there? I may hurt their feelings and the last thing I want to do is do that. I love them too much. Crap. Why can’t I just be excited about these things like everyone else? If I pull myself together right now, I can put make-up on and look cute so I don’t step out looking like a gremlin who hasn’t seen the sun since Obama was president. I can wear that one dress. It’s simple and casual enough. That’s if I go, which I don’t know if I’m going to. I can text them in 30 minutes and let them know my decision. Maybe I should tell them I may not come and see their answer? Yeah. I’m going to do that. T-Minus an Hour and a Half Until a Hangout They’re understanding. They get it. They love me, that’s what they say, but what if they’re lying. Shit. Now I feel horrible. Ugh. OK. I’m going to go. I’ll get ready in 10 minutes. T-Minus 30 Minutes Until a Hangout Shit now I’m running late. OK, I’m going to get ready now. Please tell me they don’t hate me. I always do this. I hope they aren’t mad. This better be worth it. T-Minus One Hour After a Hangout Fine. I’ll admit it. I’m happy I went. I’m so thankful my friends love me.

Community Voices

This group is now a private- full privacy- group!

<p>This group is now a private- full privacy- group!</p>
9 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Welcome friends

<p>Welcome friends</p>
6 people are talking about this

9 Tips For Navigating Changing Friendships in Your 20s With Anxiety

Do your friends hate you, or are you just in your mid-20s and your friends are trying to figure out adulthood, jobs, relationships, bills, and the cataclysmic world we live in? I’m willing to bet on the latter. Do you remember when you were in your young 20s and you were able to see your friends almost every day? Sure, you may have had jobs or internships, but for the most part you were able to see and talk to the people you loved platonically every day, almost all day. Then one day the responses started getting a little slower and longer. Hours would turn to days and all of a sudden you haven’t seen them in a month when you used to see them every single week. The shift, as slowly as it can happen sometimes, is still incredibly noticeable, especially when you live with anxiety. Already struggling with the internalized fear that everyone hates you, this transition can be scary as the nature of your friendships change. That being said, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they love you any less or that they don’t want you in their life, rather they’re trying to figure out their new life, and their absence has nothing to do with their feelings for you. If you’ve been internalizing these social shifts, your feelings are completely valid. That being said, there are some ways to handle it. 1. Be honest and talk to your friend. Tell them how you feel. Don’t let pride get in the way of telling them that you miss their presence in your life. Things aren’t always going to be the same, but one thing that hopefully can remain is an open door policy in your friendship where you can say “I miss talking to you more.” Let them know how you feel. They care about you and your feelings, so open up. 2. Really try to understand what their life is like, and express genuine empathy and sympathy. Like I said above, life transitions are hard. Depending on the transition they’re in, they may be having a really rough time themselves with only so much energy to extend towards others. Yes, tell them how you feel, but also listen to what they’ve been going through. It may help quell your own anxiety and any internalized thoughts that they’re intentionally avoiding you. 3. Ask them if they think it’s possible to talk more often, and if not what solutions work for them? Some people are good with sending random blurbs about their day throughout the day, and other people like waiting for a more concentrated time (such as a phone call or a hang out) to really tell you everything you’ve missed. Ask them what works best for them, and also advocate for what works best for you to find a common agreed upon solution, and even perhaps a set of expectations. 4. Define with them what quality time really looks like for the two of you. You could use love languages here to figure this out, but what does time together well spent really mean? Do you just want to sit in one another’s presence? Do you want phones away as you sit at your favorite burger spot? Define what makes the both of you feel seen and heard so you can make the most of your time \ when you’re together. 5. Maybe this is anal-retentive, but plan your calls and hangouts ahead of time and send them a calendar invite. I’ve found this to work best. As dismaying as it may be to have to schedule a call three weeks ahead of time, sometimes it’s just what you have to do to connect to the people you love. Schedule that time, and send a Google invite so neither party forgets. 6. Make sure you communicate about how being left on read makes you feel, and ask them for clarity there. This is huge. Being left on read is hurtful at times , even if it has nothing to do with you. Every day I get texts, messages, DMs, and Tik Toks sent to me that I look at, smirk, and then put my phone down to continue what I’m doing. I almost guarantee you I forget to respond back on top of that. If I leave you on read, there’s no deeper meaning other than I simply didn’t respond. However for people with anxiety it’s easy to misconstrue that as “Did I make her upset?” or “Did I do something wrong?” No, you didn’t, I also didn’t hit you back up immediately (or at all). Communicating with your friend about your feelings around a lack of response and what it means for them when they don’t respond could help quell your anxiety. 7. Don’t rely on one form of communication. Twitter, Tik Tok, Instagram, Meta, Messenger, Snapchat, Tumblr – the list goes on. Sometimes a friend won’t respond to a text, but they’ll heart react to a meme I send through IG. Remember that there’s multiple ways to communicate, and that while different people weigh different measures of communication differently, sometimes it’s easier to send a heart react or a meme instead of a prolonged conversation. It still means they care, but also if that’s not enough for you, make sure to communicate that. 8. Have an emergency text code. This way in case you really do need one another immediately, you can get through to one another. I call my friends to talk about anything and everything, but every once in a while there’s an immediate emergency where I need them and I need them now . Having a little code, whether it be “911” or an emoji so they can realize that they’re needed now and it is in fact an emergency. Do: Use this under agreed upon “emergencies,” and effectively communicate what that means to the both of you Don’t: Be like me and use it to get your friends to talk to you when the emergency is the latest drama on “Real Housewives of Atlanta.” 9. Work on accepting that friendship dynamics change with time, but that doesn’t mean the friendship is over. Any kind of -ship, whether it be platonic or romantic, changes over time. Once upon a time y’all were on the playground together, then you were going to prom, and now you may live across the country and you only see one another in person once a year. That’s hard, I know it is, but it doesn’t mean that the friendship is worse or over. Accepting that your relationships will change is a toughie, especially if you live with abandonment trauma and/or anxiety disorders, but it’s really necessary because the hard truth is that your relationships will continue to change for the rest of your life. Some will be for the better, and some will be for the worst, but adapting to a changing social climate as you mature is integral. At the end of the day, honest and genuine communication is important. Your friends love you, and you love your friends, so don’t internalize the changing social landscape. It takes two (or more) to tango, so dance through these new social dynamics together.

Community Voices

Trying to understand #HighfunctioningDepression ..and my friend whom has it.

Y'all, I want to understand High functioning Depression so that I can understand my friend better. I do wish she would try to understand my inability to function at the level she can. She doesn't get it at all and tends to seem judgemental towards me. However, my perception may be off, since she is very high-strung and boisterous in the way she communicates.

In the meantime I have been depressed for more than 9 months. During that time, it's all I could do was just get out of bed. Almost everything came to a halt ...personal hygiene, cleaning my apartment, talking to family members, etc..all out the window. Now, my mood has lifted but I still struggle with daily tasks. I have no motivation. My friend tells me she just does it anyway. Sigh...I would love for it to be that way for me. I know her struggle is real..
Just different from mine..but the low mood, not wanting to eat, tiredness, and anxiety are what we share. #Depression #Anxiety

I try my best to understand how she.manages to get everything that needs doing done. It's hard. But I keep reminding myself, she is struggling too and that she's not any better than me.

Can any of you share your insight, experiences etc? Thank you in advance.
#Depression #Anxiety #insecurity #Friendship #Understanding

11 people are talking about this
Community Voices

*Twilight Zone - Text Only Club*

I find myself at a weird intersection in life.

I will admit that I'm someone who prefers texting when it comes to communication.

What I hadn't anticipated was it being a substitute for getting together in person, having phone and or video calls.

I have a friend that for years, the only way we communicated or interacted regarding our friendship was through text.

I try to initiate in-person plans without success. So I isolate and reaching out is harder to do.

I have trouble getting out and being social. I'm already so overwhelmed having to be in public that adding in "talking to and meeting new people" is pretty much impossible at that point.

When I bring up what I'm struggling with people are often dismissive and that makes in harder to open up in the future.

I'm trying to stay hopeful, but it's been hard.

#Anxiety #Friendship #PTSD
#nvld #Depression #Isolation #Connection

11 people are talking about this