neurod

Being behind in life is something I never really foresaw in my future. I assumed that I was doing everything “right,” following the path I was supposed to. I kept up academically — even socially at times — but deep down, I knew I didn’t quite match others emotionally.

Rethinking Emotional Intelligence

I used to believe I was emotionally intelligent because I was empathetic and in tune with my feelings. But looking back, I realize that my emotional intelligence was actually quite low. I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions properly. I struggled with communication, lacked motivation, and was often defensive.

I’ve learned that emotional intelligence says, “I feel this. I want to understand it and respond thoughtfully.” The opposite says, “I feel this, and I don’t know why — so I’ll just ignore it or react impulsively.” For a long time, I lived more in the latter.

Over time, though, my emotional intelligence has grown. I’ve learned how to regulate my emotions in healthier ways — but it took patience, reflection, and a lot of unlearning. Growth like that happens slowly, and over time.

Living with a Fragile Heart

Personally, I’ve always been a fragile soul. I walk through life with my heart on my sleeve, and sometimes, that heart gets hurt too easily. Living with RSD (rejection sensitivity dysphoria) makes it a challenge to stay strong, be courageous, and stand firmly on the ground. I’m highly sensitive, easily overwhelmed, and often fear being left behind.

For years, I put myself down because I couldn’t stop comparing myself to others. When they succeeded, I felt like I had failed. When they received praise, I went unnoticed. When they were popular, I was struggling to socialize. The more I compared, the smaller I felt.

For a long time, I listened to that voice in my head, the one that kept telling me I wasn’t up to par, that I was incapable, and that I was too weak. But into adulthood, I received my mental health diagnoses, and it all finally made sense. When I reflect on those years growing up, I realized that I was lost, confused, and quite frankly, different from others.

The Trap of Comparison

Self-comparison made me feel lost and inadequate. And with time, I must say it hasn’t gotten any easier. I still compare myself to others and still feel one-step behind everyone else. I’m nowhere where I thought I’d be. I’m thirty-seven, single, no kids, no home of my own, and no real career. Sure, I work as a caregiver and part-time blogger, but still, it’s not what I pictured for myself.

I can’t help but compare myself to other people’s success when it’s constantly in your face. Social media doesn’t help because you see all of these people leading such “happy,” lives. Meanwhile, I feel like a shlub, that’s just been twiddling my thumbs for years, trying to figure out how I can fit myself into that image.

Finding Perspective

But with growth comes new perspective. And now that I’m in a better place mentally, I no longer see my life as a “failure,” I see it as someone who doesn’t follow societal standards, and who moves through life at their own pace. I’m trying really hard to notice my good qualities, and the successes that I have achieved. To be proud of myself, even if it’s just accomplishing the smallest task. I’ve realized that I’m my own person, and that I’m living my life the best way I know how—as myself.

Sure, I may not be where other people are, but I don’t think that makes me any less than. Of course, I still struggle with communication, but I’m getting better at speaking up for myself, and that is something that I never thought I’d see.

Embracing Neurodivergence

Being neurodivergent certainly isn’t my excuse, but it has helped me see life with more clarity. It’s helped me find myself again and become the person I always knew I could be. My passion is back, I’m more emotionally intelligent, and I’m continually healing in areas I needed extra help with. I may not be where I expected, but I’m proud of the person I am. Perhaps for the very first time.

Trusting My Own Timing

Learning to trust the timing of my life has meant accepting that my growth doesn’t need to look like everyone else’s. It’s taken me a long time to realize, but I’m blooming in my own season, and it’s a reassurance that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.

“Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can’t accept who you are.” - Turcois Ominek

#MentalHealth #ADHD #ADHDInGirls #neurod #RSD #Selfacceptance #PersonalGrowth

In all honesty, dating makes me cringe. Which is generally why I avoid it at all costs. For me, the thought of small talk with a complete stranger in an awkward setting makes me want to disappear entirely. I’ve always been the definition of a true introvert. I’m not speaking for every introvert out there, but for me, I’m quiet, shy, and often uncomfortable in my own skin. Dating has never just been about meeting someone new. It’s about energy, and for introverts like me, energy is a precious thing.

When you’re introverted, dating can be mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It’s not about the usual nerves. It’s more about the pressure to perform socially. I’ve had dates where silence felt unbearable, or when I instantly knew there was no spark. In those moments, all I wanted to do was go home and recharge. The thing is, I crave deep emotional connections and intimacy, but I wish I could skip the surface-level small talk and go straight into the real conversations. Otherwise, dating essentially feels like an interview, and I can’t stand those.

Then there’s online dating, which feels even harder. Scrolling through some strangers’ profiles doesn’t make me feel connected. It makes me feel more distant. The whole process feels so impersonal. Judging someone based off their looks without even knowing who they are doesn’t sit right with me. I also hate the feeling of putting myself out there on display for others to “swipe” on. Personally, online dating is a nightmare, and I rarely go on the apps anymore.

I’ve always preferred the idea of meeting someone organically. But as an introvert, I tend to give off a quiet, reserved vibe that often keeps people from approaching me. It’s not intentional, it’s just instinct for me to retreat to corners, stay on the sidelines, and protect my energy.

Being single for so long has been both lonely and comforting. I value solitude and a space to just be me. It’s where I feel most at peace. But I do long for love. Even if the idea of opening up feels terrifying. As an introvert, I know I’m slow to trust and even slower to let people in. And that means very few people have seen the real me.

I’m also extremely picky. Deep connections don’t happen often for me, so when they do, they have to be real. I need both physical and emotional attraction, and I’ll never settle for less. That might mean waiting longer, but to me, it’s worth it.

Why Dating Feels Different for Introverts

Through my experiences, I’ve realized that introverts approach love differently:

Energy comes first. Social situations drain us. A loud bar might excite an extrovert, but for an introvert, it’s a nightmare. Quiet settings allow us to feel safe and present.

Small talk is exhausting. Introverts crave depth. We’d rather skip the weather updates and dive straight into what really matters.

We move slower. Introverts take longer to open up, and that’s okay. The right person will respect our pace.

Connection over quantity. We’re not built for dating dozens of people at once. One meaningful connection outweighs dozens of casual encounters.

Being an introvert in the dating world can feel isolating, but it also comes with some strengths. We don’t settle for superficial connections. When we love, it’s intentional, deep, and very real.

Yes, I’ve avoided dating because of my fears, awkward experiences, and need to protect my heart. But I also know this: when I do meet someone who understands my introverted heart, it will be worth the wait. And if that never happens, at least I’ll know I stayed true to myself and never compromised who I am.

Because at the end of the day, introverts may struggle in the dating world, but we’re also the ones who understand the true value of love when it finally arrives.

“For introverts, love isn’t about quantity—it’s about depth.”--Unknown

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Introvert #neurod #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder