introvert

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    When you thought that they appreciated you. But then you discover that they think very little of you. #Caregiving #PTSD #Toxic #MentalHealth

    I’ve come to discover what my siblings really think of me. And I have to honestly say that I’m trying hard to get over feeling the way that I feel. It’s like they are moving on and living their lives. While I’m stuck swimming in a pool of emotions. I took my mother into my care in 2020. Because she was living alone 8hrs away and was mixing her meds with alcohol. And when I traveled to check on her I was heartbroken. All of my 4 siblings saw the condition she was in and also her living environment. And we did a group call trying to figure out what to do next.

    No one really knew what to do. But they didn’t seem to be doing anything about it at all besides just talking about it. I’m an at home mom so I volunteered to let her move in with me. In hopes that they will agree to help out. Which they all said they will send money to help, they will let her stay with them during holidays. All of this type of stuff lol. It’s hilarious because none of them kept their words after my mom’s first year with me. They did what they said they would do one time. But no more after that.

    It’s saddening especially when these people are those that I have also helped. I’ve traveled long distances to support them, babysat their kids for weeks at a time. I’ve loaned money. And the thanks I get for all of the good I’ve done for each one of them. Is to overhear them talk about me behind my back and call me sorry. And to actually have a phone conversation with one who accused me of neglecting our mom when I went out on a date with my husband and didn’t include her. Hmm..

    I’ve been on a journey of trying to self heal from all of this because this all happened this month. And November is almost over. And I’m still not over it. I went on a vow silence for a weekend. And it was a super beautiful experience. But two days was not enough for me to completely reap the benefits of silence. I wanted to tap into my inner peace but couldn’t really do that. I would like for it to be a month long experience but with me being a mom and having to take kids to appointments and meet with teachers it seems impossible.

    I just need to figure out another way to heal from this realization that my siblings thinks horribly of me. Although, I have been there for them emotionally and financially. Please someone give me some advice. Because my next appointment with my therapist isn’t til after thanksgiving break. And this will be a stressful first holiday that I am absolutely heartbroken by my toxic family members. #sad #HSP #Highly Sensitive person aka hsp #Depression #Introvert #FamilyAndFriends #TheMighty

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    Moving Shadows

    Time to move those ancient shadows that have been hanging over me, following wherever I go.

    Time to leave behind walls that have stood solidly, built by myself to help me survive,

    distract and avoid the memories that held them in place with fears that tried to define me.

    Time to recognize false dreams and disappointments that have been holding me back. Time to let go of hopes and wishes that didn't even belong to me but belong to others, acting as my prison for much too long.

    Time to open those heavy set gates and walk those ways. My own ways, trusting my own feelings and beliefs - openly and unashamed.

    Those gates that beckon to believe again to finally swing open. Know yourself, find your truth, learn to grow and bravely be.

    Now is the time. No other way forward, no alternative. Experience in waiting and wisdom to grow. Nothing can stop you from moving forward any longer.

    Move those shadows! They hold you in place and recycle the darkness. You need the light to feel the truth and warmth of the sun. Find a better way, a true way, a way to believe in and be yourself.

    It's true: It's all about Love in the end.

    #PTSD #HSP #INFJ #HighlysensitivePerson #Introvert #Depression #Childhoodtrauma

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    “ALONE” #Introvert #Depression #MentalHealth #alone #sad #Ghosting #empath

    I found solitude to be my safe haven. Being alone has become a love affair for me. I am married and a mom. So I don’t mean I’m alone in that capacity . But I am without any real friends who aren’t ghosting me out of the blue.
    And I am without any real family members they all just use me.

    My kindness has been taken advantage of and my feelings overlooked. I won’t beg anyone to choose me the way that I choose them. I’ll just be at peace with being alone. I am at peace with it.

    I have never wronged anybody. I honestly don’t understand what it is. But I will no longer make sacrifices for others when they aren’t willing to do the same for me. I hate being an empath. But I’ll teach myself how to be selfish. I’ll practice a little more self love instead of going above and beyond for others. While they just leave me in the dark when I want to plan something with them.

    It’s so weird and I have yet to wrap my head around it. I have to literally learn to add NO to my vocabulary the way that they freely use it to decline me. I’m sadden that it has come to this and I have warned them before that I’ll no longer call and that I’ll be practicing living a hermit lifestyle. When I did that they were all blowing up my phone trying to see what happened. And begged me not to do that. But nope for now on I’m gonna just enjoy the company of my husband and kids.

    We will continue to plan our own adventures and celebrate our milestones without them. In tired of being there for others without receiving the same energy. I’m introverted so being alone is something that I find comfort in. I’ll just have to accept the fact that it’s now becoming a way of life for me.

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    I’m an introvert, and I hate when someone forces me to talk #venting

    I really hate when others go “why isn’t anyone talking?” or “be more social”.

    No.

    That makes me mad.

    I can’t socialize more, and now I won’t because of you saying that. I have social anxiety and look away from strangers to avoid being misgendered, and that’s if I’m lucky. And plus I don’t trust most individuals anyway to even be that social. Everytime I run into stuff like that online, it feels like a middle finger to my existence and to my problems saying “I don’t care if you feel uncomfortable.”

    If I’m just lurking online, then don’t ever force me or tell me to join the conversation. I’m lurking and that’s that. Plain and simple. Don’t force me to talk or rush me to give an answer when I’m not feeling like it. Introverts exist. Stop telling us to socialize more. Stop making us the villains in school or work projects or whatever. Stop. It’s very annoying.

    /nbh /vneg /srs

    #Introvertproblems #Introvert #SocialAnxiety #anger

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    Please don’t be mad at me….. #Anxiety #Introvert

    So I’ve realized that I miss lockdown.

    Not the fear.
    Not the death.
    Not the strain on our healthcare system.
    Not the risk for our workers.
    Not being unable to see family.
    etc. etc.

    But I miss the quiet.
    The calm inside my house.
    The way much of our workforce decided what was truly important and Zoomed for it.
    That all appointments were cancelled or Skyped.
    That so few decisions needed to be made by me.
    That entire days could be spent on self-care.
    The way the rest of the world finally had to be introverted, not the other way around like it always is.

    That aspect is what I miss.

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    I love my bed especially when I feel overwhelmed as a wedding planner #Anxiety #Introvert #Depression #MentalHealth

    I am a homebody introvert. I have always loved the idea of working from home. So, I took a course online and became a certified wedding planner. My husband got ordained to officiate weddings then we created a home-based wedding business. I was super excited with the branding I came up with for my business. I committed so much time to getting couples to choose us. I made a decent Instagram page which gained a nice following from the locals in the wedding industry. I invested money into marketing and I just suddenly feel like this isn’t what I want to do anymore.

    My wedding business isn’t a huge success. But it has the potential to be. But my introverted ways and mental health gets in the way of it’s growth. I’ve been invited to networking events but I decide to stay in bed and only been to one.

    I’ve been contacted by couples who wants to hire us. But I respond with unavailable.

    I was featured in the wall street journal as a wedding planner. And I wonder to myself. Why am I thinking about getting rid of my wedding business?

    I just feel like I don’t have the energy or passion that other wedding planners have. I feel like I should close this chapter since it been almost 8 years since we have had it.

    I really want to pursue writing full time. This is something I can comfortably thrive in as a introvert. But if I get rid of my wedding planning business will I seem like a failure? It’s not that I don’t love weddings (our business mainly focused on elopements and mini matrimonies). I just get overwhelmed every time I have to do a consultation call or meet up with the lovely couples. I feel crazy nervous when it’s time for the big day. But after it’s all over I feel accomplished especially when they leave super happy reviews.

    But, writing is what I feel is my true purpose. Because when I see other wedding entrepreneurs do they job it’s always done with so much joy like they can’t live without it.
    I have done it with excitement for the couples but am almost always uncomfortable mentally and emotionally. Marriage to me is such a sacred thing and I think that why I’m always filled with so many crazy feelings.

    As a author the only person I have to worry about is me. Which is why I feel more comfortable writing books. I haven’t been at any author events yet but I feel like it’s something I can do. I feel confident in what I do as a author.

    I loved being apart of couple’s happily ever after but it is such a stressful career. So many different emotions are involved not just from me but from the bride or groom who is saying “I Do” to forever and ever. I think that writing about happily ever afters is something I am better off doing. #EmotionalHealth #TheMighty

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    FOR WHEN YOU REACH ROCK BOTTOM

    You have survived everything you have been through, and you will survive this too. Stay for the person you will become. You are more than a bad day, or week, or month, or year, or even a decade. You are a future of multifarious possibility. You are another self at a point in future time looking back in gratitude that this lost and former you held on. Stay.
    ***Matt Haig, The Comfort Book

    #MattHaig #thecomfortbook #positivereading #hopeful #encouragement #besupportive #HoldOn #stay #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #HighlysensitivePerson #empath #Introvert