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Room 314, the last door on the right

I hope yall can read my chicken scratch from 2019. This is the first page of my #diary at that time. If anyone would like to read more, let me know in the comments below

#Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #Journal #PersonalGrowth #whatdoyouthink

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Tired.

Feel free to ignore, just need to get this out...

I'm tired. Exhausted. All the time. I'm tired of insomnia and restless nights. I'm tired of nightmares and flashbacks. Tired of racing thoughts swirling through my mind every second of every day. Tired of anxiety and panic attacks. Tired of depression and dissociating 90% of the time. I'm tired of being tired. I try to focus on the good in my life, but I feel like the bad far outweighs the good regardless of the balancing act I try to play. While I know I'm not where I used to be, I'm not where I want to be. Even when I have moments where I have the mental, physical and emotional capability to do what I need to do to get to where I want to be, it never lasts long and I take 1 step forward just to take 50 steps back. It's true what they say, we are our own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy, this I know to be true. I feel like I am stuck in my head so often that it makes me feel like I'm stuck in life. There are too many moments where I wish I didn't exist. At the very least, I wish I could disappear and not have to exist, not have to answer to anyone or anything, and could just rewire my brain so I could function like a "normal" human being, whatever that is. I'm just tired. I'm tired and want to disappear for a while. #PersonalGrowth #Anxiety #Depression #tired #exhausted #Insomnia #PanicAttacks #Disappear

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Finding the light isn't easy. The fight to stay above the water isn't easy. But I'm here. I'm here and I'm trying. Trying to find the light in the depths of the darkness of my mind.
#Anxiety #Depression #Life #PersonalGrowth

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Forgiving Myself

Dear self,

I forgive you for your perfectionism. Despite the pressure growing up on fixing all mistakes, you've realized the unhealthy pursuit perfectionism is. I'm excited to see you keep growing!

#perfectionism #Anxiety #Depression #PersonalGrowth

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Acceptance of your Whole Self 🌺

Acceptance of one’s whole self is seemingly difficult these days. The criticism and scepticism that people face from others on a daily basis is scary, unbelievable and daunting. I think what makes these feelings of judgement and worthlessness worse are the thoughts that we believe them to be true. These self-doubts can become debilitating at times. When these feelings and beliefs arise, I have a look at the passage below. It speaks of acceptance of one’s self. Self acceptance is vital in these times we live in. We rely on it to heal from our past to ensure we understand how to better our actions/ reactions in the future. Be patient in this process and know you are trying your best every day to simply be better than the day before. Accept the good and bad parts of yourself. Never condoning, nor judging, the side that requires the most growth. That’s all you can do. You are worth your own love 🌻🌻🌻

#Acceptance #Selfblame #Selfcare #Selfworth #PersonalGrowth #selfgrowth #loveyourself #patience #Takeyourtime #Positivity #Forgiveness #Healing #loveyourself #growth #freeyourself #Selflove #journey #movingforward #itstime #LetsGo #MentalHealth #Recovery

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I just need to vent about my sad feelings #MentalHealth #Depression #PTSD #PersonalGrowth

I am so heartbroken. But, I am keeping my cool and trying to be happy for myself.
So, I am in the process of self-publishing a new book. And I no longer have a supportive author platform. I used to have a author page on Facebook which had about 2k followers. I was pretty proud of that. Then there were some awesome supporters on my personal Facebook account. They purchased my books, posted photos with their feedback and it made my heart swell.

Unfortunately, awhile back. I lost my Facebook account due to it being hacked. And instead of trying to start all over with building a following I decided to just commit to using Twitter. Because I felt like since I already had 3k followers there it should be easy to find and connect with new readers. But, right now it is just me being swallowed into the void. My tweets aren’t being seen. Maybe it’s because a bunch of my followers are other indie and self-pub authors. I don’t know.

But, I do occasionally try and post and self promo my book releases on Snapchat. It is just so mind blowing that no one acknowledges it. With a congrats or anything. Especially when majority of people on Snapchat are either your family or friends. Like, woah wow. Okay. Lol!

Like, I wish I could just leave social media completely alone but, if my dream is to be a full time author I’ve gotta have a social media presence. I am so sad and frustrated about this situation.

My new book is available for preorder on amazon. Search the title: Lipsody

You can visit my website at: jalissacarter.com

And if you’ll love to show support please connect with me on Twitter at @jalissacarter

I would appreciate it so much. I am just tired of not being seen. My author life was going so well in 2017 lol.
But, 2022 not so much. x

It could be because of current events?
I know that life isn’t as it used to be for all of us.

I pray that all of us who are hurting inside begin our healing soon.

Thank you for reading. #Life #MightyQuestions

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My story has had it's ups and down in life. There's pages that I've ripped out that I refuse to read. But there comes a time where I have to force myself to look back on things that have happened that have more or less shaped how I am today. It's ugly, it's painful like no other, and most of the time I just break down and cry letting myself go back to the time in my life where events occured that changed everything in an instance. But allowing myself to feel and to look back and take a hard look at things and where I'm at now and who I want to be, it's the only way that I can finally move forward and allow myself to heal those hurts that I've allowed to dictate my life. Last night my anxiety was horrendous and I had a few panic attacks and I'm still feeling the effects from that today. But I know it's all part of the process. So here's to trying my damnedest to break down those walls that I've built so high and thick.
#PersonalGrowth #Anxiety #Depression

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