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    Trying to work doesn't work for me?

    I can't sleep thinking about this part time job I took I shouldn't have even bothered to look for a job and start it! I was very specific about the hours days I could work and on my first week not in training she scheduled me for during my regularly scheduled counseling a standing appt that I explained last week that I have! My new boss screams and cusses freaking out if something doesn't go her way? I always try to work because people society treats you differently if you don't or can't hold a steady job! I can't sleep because I am thinking about the anxiety and stress it causes me to think about having to go in and deal with people all day in a store and I didn't know that I was going to be expected to make sellibg my major job? I thought people would come in pick out what they want and I would ring it up? No I am supposed to aggressively sell to each and every customer that isn't a rewards member?! Ugh! I just am not gonna be able to do this job and I won't be able to sleep worrying about it?! I'm not on disability yet but am trying just starting to get shit together to file!? Anyway I won't be able to do this job that is for sure I am over 50 and never held down a job? My anxiety panic attacks self esteem emotions being everywhere just doesn't go good with reg employment!? #BPD , #Bipolar , #opiate addiction,#domestic violence, #CPTSD , #Depression #Anxiety #panic attacks I am embarrassed and ashamed and poir and still won't be able to do this job so I am going to have to say so but I prolly won't I will probably just call in so many times she fires me!? This sucks! I always feel good looking for a job then getting it then the problems show and I bounce. I can't listen to her screaming and tripping out that triggers my shit!? When will I just accept that I can't do it? Man this really does suck!!!

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    Doing better #DomesticAbuse #BPD , #Bipolar #PTSD #opiate addiction #EDS #Codependency

    I just wanted to update I was struggling with the grief of a break up after 8 yrs coincidentally a week before our anniversary on the holiday weekend ugh! Anyway I left because it is the best thing for me! I'm gathering all the love I feel for him and I am gonna give it to MYSELF!!!

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    Caught totally off guard!!!

    I almost ran into my abuser face to face today!?!
    #domestic violence #Bipolar #BPD #PTSD #opiate addiction I have been in the womens shelter now since June 11th. Iam actually not sure at all where I'm going to live and only have 1 and a wake up before its destination unknown!?!! Anyway my abuser and I went to a methadone clinic together and when we broke up I was told within a day or so that he transferred to a clinic closer to him so today while I'm sittibg in my counselors office he shows up and it was so weird for me I was shaking all over!!!