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Trying to work doesn't work for me?

I can't sleep thinking about this part time job I took I shouldn't have even bothered to look for a job and start it! I was very specific about the hours days I could work and on my first week not in training she scheduled me for during my regularly scheduled counseling a standing appt that I explained last week that I have! My new boss screams and cusses freaking out if something doesn't go her way? I always try to work because people society treats you differently if you don't or can't hold a steady job! I can't sleep because I am thinking about the anxiety and stress it causes me to think about having to go in and deal with people all day in a store and I didn't know that I was going to be expected to make sellibg my major job? I thought people would come in pick out what they want and I would ring it up? No I am supposed to aggressively sell to each and every customer that isn't a rewards member?! Ugh! I just am not gonna be able to do this job and I won't be able to sleep worrying about it?! I'm not on disability yet but am trying just starting to get shit together to file!? Anyway I won't be able to do this job that is for sure I am over 50 and never held down a job? My anxiety panic attacks self esteem emotions being everywhere just doesn't go good with reg employment!? #BPD , #Bipolar , #opiate addiction,#domestic violence, #CPTSD , #Depression #Anxiety #panic attacks I am embarrassed and ashamed and poir and still won't be able to do this job so I am going to have to say so but I prolly won't I will probably just call in so many times she fires me!? This sucks! I always feel good looking for a job then getting it then the problems show and I bounce. I can't listen to her screaming and tripping out that triggers my shit!? When will I just accept that I can't do it? Man this really does suck!!!


Just my luck!

I was so bummed then it got worse! #BPD #Bipolar #domestic abuse #Addiction #opiate addiction #PTSD #Codependency So I typed a few paragraphs about my emotion pain after Leaving my controlling manipulative addict boyfriend and how much it hurts to go! After I typed the whole thing I realized I wasn't logged in and ended up losing the whole post! All I can say is my thoughts are stuck on this man and how much I miss and love him! I wish I could be with him! So many struggles why does everything have to hurt why do I have to go thru all this bs? I just want my heart to stop hurting!

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My journal ✏️ #Depression #PTSD #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #suicidal #eating disorder #domestic abuse

This is my journal. I write in it when there is too much spinning around in my head. I find it extremely helpful to write it all down because then I can track how I feel day to day, clear my head a bit more, and I can show my psychiatrist important things that I might forget to say. Does anybody else keep a journal for their mental health? ❤️


Infidelity and abuse. Both led to my depression. #infidelity #domestic abuse #Depression

I should have walked away the first time he cheated. When I forgave and stayed it just gave him the green light to continue. 6 years later it has been patients, neighbors, employees, I stayed because? I was in business with him? I liked the lifestyle after being a single mom and struggling all my life? He did and said all the things I wanted to hear? He gave my kids what I couldn’t afford? Or was it because it was what I was comfortable with after my dad did my mom that way? I think my picker is broke and I pick losers. I never opened my heart up to anyone until him and it’s because I didn’t want the pain of it being broken. He has put me in a place I have never been. I keep telling myself I am not crazy. He saw me as a strong independent lady with good kids, a good job, debt free, and it was a challenging victim for him. Now I am in debt, my kids want the lifestyle I alone can’t give them and I guess he is a drug. The only way to stop addiction is to get away from the drug. Will the depression ever go away?


Why is it so hard #domestic violence survivor

3 years out feel like i'm losing my mind. Just want to have happy thoughts not the ones I have.


Caught totally off guard!!!

I almost ran into my abuser face to face today!?!
#domestic violence #Bipolar #BPD #PTSD #opiate addiction I have been in the womens shelter now since June 11th. Iam actually not sure at all where I'm going to live and only have 1 and a wake up before its destination unknown!?!! Anyway my abuser and I went to a methadone clinic together and when we broke up I was told within a day or so that he transferred to a clinic closer to him so today while I'm sittibg in my counselors office he shows up and it was so weird for me I was shaking all over!!!


#domestic violence #Bipolar #Borderline #PTSD

I worked so hard to get free of my emotional abuser its been 6 days and today like feeling lonely feeling like what if he was a great personand I am the problem like he said!?!? If someone said to my face I will love you if you beg me I woukd laugh and be arrogant like no way but essentially thats what i was doing!!! Why are my emotions so confusing!!! I know in my mind I wasnt happy and he was a total control freak manipulator so why all of a sudden do I feel like I lost my best friend!?!!!!!

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A very inspiring book to read

I thought I would share this book with you as it definitely helped me process what I had been through and gave me inspiration to keep fighting and to make myself a better version of myself.

The book is about Suzanne Rogers growning up in domestic Violence, subject to all forms of child abuse, She tells her story and leads the reader to see how from the ashes she grew into a loving wife and mother who ultimately realized that an instrument of love she had made wise, compassionate choices for herself and her family. #Child abuse #domestic violence #Loss of a child


Just Wondering

I am a survivor of an almost 2 year relationship in which I was the victim of domestic violence, and more. I say I’m a survivor because I am literally lucky I got out alive, and I’ll leave it at that for now. In general, this topic is not really openly discussed, it seems extremely taboo in our culture, and I don’t talk about it because of the victim blaming and shaming I have pretty much uniformly encountered every time I’ve talked to anyone about it. I have found it very difficult to find suppport groups where I am living as well, not for lack of trying. I am wondering if anyone else has a similar experience, and if you do, I would really like to chat because I am finally out of the relationship for 2 months now and rebuilding my life, and I am doing so much better, but I really need to talk about some if it to someone who can understand or listen without judging. Now that I’m safe all the PTSD is really coming up and out for me and it’s a daily struggle. I can’t talk about it in much detail to my friends and loved ones because I just can’t tell them because it would hurt or upset them. I’m finding that some of my friends that I’ve tried to really generally mention or explain it to get angry at me, which I guess I understand, but it isn’t helpful and I really am focused on healing and getting through this so I can navigate how to restore my relationships and also process what actually happened during the last two years so that I can ensure moving forward that it never happens again. #domestic violence, #victim blaming, #PTSD