I’m a giver, giving so much of myself to others but at the end of the day all I feel is this Void. Emptiness of self. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve tried some of my usual unhealthy coping habits but nothing has “helped “ me distance and forget even for a little while (please know that I’m NOT endangering myself or others) Nobody sees how emotionally starved I am, not my parents, family or the few people I could as friends, and definitely not my emotionally repressed depressed narcissistic husband. I’m consumed at night by my Void of a life, and in the morning I’ll put on a happy face and start again my routine of giving. #Borderline personality #Codependency
i got diagnosed with BPD very recently and still work my way through understanding myself. its a rocky road but sometimes a bit of a relief too because now my traits are more visible to me and there is a name for all of this. i was really ashamed for a couple of weeks when i got diagnosed because i had such a bad impression of what BPD is. i thought we are bad and evil people with no control and a very wrong perspective on ourselfes and others. now, with the help of my therapist and reading stuff here i begin to understand that i am not crazy or a bad person. i am learning about my traits and how to be more clear about situations when intense feelings like loneliness, anger and random fears come up. i am also recovering from a super unhealthy relationship that was abusive in many ways and now i understand that i do not choose a partner because i want to be with them, its more i need them to feel complete and through them i can finally see who i am. at least that is how it always felt. but now i understand its not healthy and this leads to poor boundaries, codependency issues and deep fears get triggered, also massive anger. but understanding those issues is the first step to learn how to cope in a more healthy way. :) right now with understanding all of this, i feel numb towards my ex (that i so much wanted to marry 3 month ago) but i have this strong feeling that i need a new partner. it is very hard for me to accept that i should not date anyone right now and work on myself. i cant do that when i am involved with someone because then all my traits take control. i am trying to stay away from potential dating but i have no idea how long i can resist. and on top there is that little fear inside of me that one day i will see my ex by chance and might feel massive pain about the loss. i remember clearly that pain i had the first weeks after breaking up. had to take medication to reduce the panic and anxiety. i couldnt move and had panic attacks because there was so much pain. and the anxiety that i am super lonely and empty was really bad. then my ex began to stalk me for 2 month and the pain over the loss went to pain of being abused again and not respected because i learned that stalking has very little to do with love. is anyone out there also struggeling with needing a partner so much? or anyone who also got diagnosed recently? #BPD #Toxic relationship #DBT #Emptiness #Codependency
I just wanted to update I was struggling with the grief of a break up after 8 yrs coincidentally a week before our anniversary on the holiday weekend ugh! Anyway I left because it is the best thing for me! I'm gathering all the love I feel for him and I am gonna give it to MYSELF!!!
I was so bummed then it got worse! #BPD #Bipolar #domestic abuse #Addiction #opiate addiction #PTSD #Codependency So I typed a few paragraphs about my emotion pain after Leaving my controlling manipulative addict boyfriend and how much it hurts to go! After I typed the whole thing I realized I wasn't logged in and ended up losing the whole post! All I can say is my thoughts are stuck on this man and how much I miss and love him! I wish I could be with him! So many struggles why does everything have to hurt why do I have to go thru all this bs? I just want my heart to stop hurting!
Hi there! I'm on a journey of learning. Love having community though. Currently in the process of an MSW, policy directed. Figuring out life and mental health for myself in the process along the way.
Thinking of it as 'stepping into my power.' Would that be tripping up the stairs? Feels like all at once in this emotional whirlwind!
A fresh start, new perspective, empty slate, limitless possibilities, put yesterday behind you and move forward, and breathe and lean into a new day. You can set new objectives, new goals, and new challenges for yourself. There is only the new moment…be present and enjoy the day. It will pass too, then the cycle begins again. Like Ground Hog’s day, as each new day comes you can adapt with new knowledge and confidence from your past experiences. Take a new step…knowing you can achieve whatever you desire…
… but it’s not always easy leaving the past behind. Painful memories can linger, past failures take away our confidence. Depression can hold us back and only have us thinking of struggles behind us and future worries, but it really is a new wonderful day! Enjoy!
#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Fear #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #ADHD #Addiction #AddictionRecovery #Alcoholism #drugaddiction #Sexaddiction #Codependency #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #BackPain #COVID19 #longcovid #Migraine #Headache #Disability #MightyTogether #MightyMinute #MentalHealthHero #Hope #Joy #Happiness #IfYouFeelHopeless #Hope