I'm not aloud to talk about my suicidal thoughts...
Everybody complains when I talk about how I feel and want to die or anything like that...they call me selfish for not considering them and rude...even saying bringing it up is manipulation..
But I get these strong feelings and I can't talk to anyone about them..my friends..my significant other..my parent..and I don't have any help at all
I just want to express my feelings and understand them better, I wanna die but I don't wanna die, you know? And it hurts so much when I realize that I'm feeling like this and then I can't talk to anyone about it because it makes me a bad person..I'm so sad and lonely and it hurts me even more to not be able to talk..
I just don't know what to do anymore, for the first time in a while I feel very scared of my own ideations and realizing that my plan becomes more and more concrete everytime this happens..I want help, I want to be able to talk about how I feel without hurting or invalidating others.. I want to be able to express the pain I feel inside and better understand...
I try, but it just gets worse everytime I talk about my suicide thoughts or ideas ..or I make them feel bad or I don't know. This is really hard and I don't know what to do honestly...because instead of talking about my feelings and crying it out I guess I accept my eventual fate and juste find the best ways to end it... Not being able to get help or be supported when I feel like this feels even shitier ..
I don't know if anyone is gonna read this or let alone understand..