plan

Everybody complains when I talk about how I feel and want to die or anything like that...they call me selfish for not considering them and rude...even saying bringing it up is manipulation..

But I get these strong feelings and I can't talk to anyone about them..my friends..my significant other..my parent..and I don't have any help at all

I just want to express my feelings and understand them better, I wanna die but I don't wanna die, you know? And it hurts so much when I realize that I'm feeling like this and then I can't talk to anyone about it because it makes me a bad person..I'm so sad and lonely and it hurts me even more to not be able to talk..

I just don't know what to do anymore, for the first time in a while I feel very scared of my own ideations and realizing that my plan becomes more and more concrete everytime this happens..I want help, I want to be able to talk about how I feel without hurting or invalidating others.. I want to be able to express the pain I feel inside and better understand...

I try, but it just gets worse everytime I talk about my suicide thoughts or ideas ..or I make them feel bad or I don't know. This is really hard and I don't know what to do honestly...because instead of talking about my feelings and crying it out I guess I accept my eventual fate and juste find the best ways to end it... Not being able to get help or be supported when I feel like this feels even shitier ..

I don't know if anyone is gonna read this or let alone understand..

#SuicidalThoughts #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #plan #imdone #Idontknowwhattodoanymore

I wish I had money to go to prom with my friends. I lost all my friends in my first 2 years of high school because of all my mental issues so for the past 2 1/2 years I've been alone and depending on my family. I recently spoke with some old friends from middle school and found out they're going to my school for prom. I feel confident, despite my crippling social anxiety that I can have a good time at prom with my friends but I'm low on money.

My best pet to going to prom is as the following instructs;

-I use the money my dad sent over to pay for my ticket

-ask my mom if she has $40 for fabric

-bring the fabric to my cousin to sew up a dress in time for prom

-borrow a pair of heels from her cause I also don't have shoes

-ask another friend to be my escort to the dance

-and then ask if I can ride with her to the dance.

I don't really like it because I'm still relying on people a lot and not really doing much for myself but it's my only chance to hang out and make friends again.

I can only hope and wait until I'm old enough to get a job so I can pay everyone back.

#SocialAnxietyDisorder #Friends #Prom #HighSchool #money #socialize #plan