Friends

I could be a friend
I could be the burden
But when your mind may bend
My personality may worsen
Living with flaws is hard to bare
Being so damaged I and you
I understand your saddened stare
Let us hope we can see this through

#Depression #Friends

The one thing life had taught me is that people always leave. Always. It's just a matter of time. I'm tired of people leaving.
#Relationships #Family #Friends #alone #lonely #misunderstood

My name is Ashley, I am 25 years old from Georgia but I recently moved to California but I just want to introduce myself but this is me venting now.
I really would like to get things off my chest but to be honest I don’t know how to feel anymore but anytime I try to make new friends I end up getting hurt, lied to, ghosted, the feeling that nobody cares and not want to support me along with everything else which cases me to think these negative and depressing thoughts I don’t want to have. When I really needed a friend to support me instead they didn’t want to be my friend anymore, talk down on me, called me names which at the time it was over my ex boyfriend who I did not find healthy because it was a very toxic relationship I had to get out of. I thought me coming back to Georgia and thinking everything will change but it still feels the same with me getting ghosted, I don’t know if I can trust them anymore or if I even want to talk to them. I am just done with reaching out to people just to get hurt, ghosted and the feeling that nobody cares. Ever since I moved to California, I have been finding it hard to make new friends which I am not really good at socializing especially in public that when I get around new people I get very nervous, anxious and I come off as very shy especially in crowds which I hate being around by myself or leaving the house alone. It is just hard for me to put myself out there when All I do is get hurt and I been trying to not think about it so much but it is really hard which causes me to want to break down which it is hard for me to stop or breath once I do. I have lots of times I have these depressed episodes where it is hard for me to stop crying for hours because I was recently in the hospital, I made a friend who was also my roommate but a part of me feels disappointed, let down, a mistake, a waste a space, not good enough and everything I feel about myself because I thought she will reach out to me as much as I tried then she read it but never replies but it might be possible that her parents are controlling her. What if she never talks to me? What if she hates me? What if she doesn’t talk to me? What did I do to deserve this when I did nothing wrong? We had a good friendship, we talked about things in group but when I get close to people it is really hard because I get attached because I am afraid of people leaving but I have been recently thinking about her to the point it seems where that I cry over her or things because it really hurts me inside. I just have never message people first because I don’t know what to say, I am afraid of being judged when it comes to my mental health, my learning disability or just anything but I feel the same thing when I am out in public. I am in a better relationship so I don’t see why my friends would not talk to me and not worry because I got a good guy that treats me right that at first I was in a long distance relationship With. I have been with this since July 3rd, 2021, I moved to California in august after that and I have been living in California for almost a year now. I don’t want nothing to stop me from making friends but I am afraid of people leaving me, ghosting me, not supporting me or anything when I give my heart out to people because I care so much and too much. I have been dealing with all these depressed and anxious thoughts because I wish I had real friends which I want to make online but I don’t even know where to start because I am not good with starting a conversation, what to talk about or how to get to know people. I am a huge wrestling fan, music lover, I love shopping, doing my makeup, once in a while dye my hair, paint my nails, and everything! My favorite bands are motionless in white and black veil brides that Gets me through dark times that I have been listening to on repeat constantly. I may not go out to meet people because I can’t afford to travel or the money so people would most likely have to come see me but I feel comfortable with talking to females because I miss having a female friend that can call me their best friend or who I can consider like a sister to me. I can hang out with friends when my boyfriend isn’t working and before my boyfriend goes to work as long as I am home by the time he has to go to watch because I am the only one that can watch his son. I just have been going through a lot, I am very shy, nervous and anxious when it comes to being around new people, leaving the house alone which I am afraid to go anywhere alone because I am afraid of bad things happening. I would love to go hang out at the mall, go to the movies, get coffee, listen to music together and chill if that isn’t a problem but anyways I just needed to vent but sorry if this is too much but I don’t usually vent because I am afraid of being judged, not supportive, misunderstood along with a lot of other things. #MentalHealth #Support #Friends #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #Depression

So this past week a very close friend of mine was hospitalized for a mental breakdown. Her boyfriend, who is at least 25 yrs younger than her, gave her aunt permission to give me her phone number. I run a private fibro group of 16 women, and all I told them that she needed prayers. I respected her privacy. So I kept in touch with the boyfriend, but for 2 days he didn't respond to me. He plays a lot of video games. The nest day I was a little upset that he didn't respond to me, so I texted that I don't know what to think 🥺. He answered me with 2 words, "I'm busy, she fine". Then only "no" one when I asked if she was home. So today she comes into the fibro group to tell everyone else what's been going on. She also threatened that whoever bugged her bf and was nasty to him better "be stepping stepping (maybe a typo). I told her I had tried to check in with him every day, but there was a time I interrupted his video game. I said that I would NEVER apologize for caring too much, and that I would probably me more upset if anyone in our group didn't give a damn about why I was absent. Next thing I know is that she blocked me as a friend. We've been FB friends for at least 12 yrs. This is hurting me very much. She war even an Admin in my little fibro group. Now, nothing. I've lost her regardless of my concern. 🥺🥺. Was I wrong?? I don't hide behind my feelings, and I never sugarcoat anything. She knows that and is the same way. Ugh.

#Want to communicate #but see nobody’s active #Friends