qbpd

I was recently diagnosed with QBPD, it has been a 36 year struggle. Anyway, my trauma stems from my childhood and not being in a caring, loving, supportive environment. I have had numerous failed relationships until I met my now wife. We have been together 24 years, married 16, 2 kids etc. Our relationship has always been challenging, lots of arguments etc. I would reach a point where I would become frustrated and criticise her lack of caring, intimacy, support etc. (most arguments were from her being a little high maintenance). Anyway, I have shared an overview of my relationship with my wife, the dynamic etc with my psychiatrist. She believes that I fell in love with someone that recreated an environment that was similar to the environment I was brought up in. On reflection, this does make perfect sense, and is clearly evident when looking back over the years.
Here we are now, I finally have a diagnosis, I know I can recover, but our relationship is on its last legs, discussing separation etc. I don’t think she can take the journey with me through DBT etc., I’m nurse she wants to. But my question is, was our marriage a sham in the first place? Did my BPD make me fall in love? Is it really someone I truly want to be with? God! Just when you think you are on a road to recovery, you get thrown a curve ball and now possibly throwing divorce into the mix. Any thoughts? # BPD #qbpd #Divorce #Relationships

Just like a flower or a tree the soul needs light
Can we let the sun in ? Will it hurt us ?
No it won't hurt us we can totally let the sun in but then we may be exposed for who we really are ,darkness was our cloak, our safe place no one can hurt us here or so we think.
Darkness turned out to be the new foe almost the very same foe the light brought you but it was consistent and less personal because it was just you and the darkness.
Surely one day you would let the light back in when you felt it was right when the light was no longer your foe and in the light you would find new hope because after all with all it's complexity the light was a better place to be.
Don't stay in the darkness too long the soul needs the light embrace the light for with all it's faults it's still a beautiful light and comes in different forms,nature , humanity,music,and art.
The light brings much color which is our best defense against fate . #ChronicPain neurogenic muscle atrophy # depression #qbpd

I am new to all of this....social media group chat...technology I guess. I have suffered/been diagnosed with MDD basically my whole life (55 years old) been in and out of therapy....on and off pills....but I just got diagnosed with Quiet Borderline. And it explains a lot....but also I dunno freaks me out a lil too. I just within the last year also came out, quit a job I had for 27 years and had to put my mom in a memory care facility...so this also just adds to a pretty tumultuous year and a half. I have a great mental health team....but I need/want to talk to folks who live and know how I feel...not just study it...so here I am.

I am new to all of this....social media group chat...technology I guess. I have suffered/been diagnosed with MDD basically my whole life (55 years old) been in and out of therapy....on and off pills....but I just got diagnosed with Quiet Borderline. And it explains a lot....but also I dunno freaks me out a lil too. I just within the last year also came out, quit a job I had for 27 years and had to put my mom in a memory care facility...so this also just adds to a pretty tumultuous year and a half. I have a great mental health team....but I need/want to talk to folks who live and know how I feel...not just study it...so here I am.

I am new to all of this....social media group chat...technology I guess. I have suffered/been diagnosed with MDD basically my whole life (55 years old) been in and out of therapy....on and off pills....but I just got diagnosed with Quiet Borderline. And it explains a lot....but also I dunno freaks me out a lil too. I just within the last year also came out, quit a job I had for 27 years and had to put my mom in a memory care facility...so this also just adds to a pretty tumultuous year and a half. I have a great mental health team....but I need/want to talk to folks who live and know how I feel...not just study it...so here I am.

As someone who is challenged with quiet borderline personality disorder, I struggle mostly (but not exclusively) with emotional regulation and impulse control. I often feel emotions bigger than others without BPD. I get excited very easily, and that can be happy excited or angry excited or sad excited - which looks like anxiety or depression. I get irritated easily. I just can’t stop all the feelings from flying out of me.

I can be exhausting.

I’m also empathic so when I’m in large groups, I pick up on others emotions as well. I become overwhelmed and I can get loud and assertive which means I’ve lost control of my mindfulness and I am exerting my energy in a way that can be viewed as over enthusiastic and offputting.

In general, I see things as black-and-white and try to emphasize my views because in my mind, that is the way things should be. My husband and I call this “beeping”. Until I can calm myself, I can’t hear what others are saying. It takes someone very strong and calm to bring me down, and when this happens I get embarrassed and quiet which appears as pouty. If I have to catch myself, I am so embarrassed I get to the point of feeling shame. It’s at this point I feel hated, foolish and unworthy. I must be most careful with myself here - self harm is highest here.

My mind can make me feel as though everyone wishes I wasn’t there, and I either feel I need to make things better or die. The shame overwhelms me and often I want to leave the person or group. But more often I will just leave. I don’t get mad, I just “disappear”. Without any thought I could ever be missed.

Some people will find my intensity charming. I’ve become passionate, enthusiastic, and I shine. The people that are drawn to me in this stage make me most nervous, because I don’t trust them. Why would anybody really be interested in me?

It’s at my happiest I feel the most flawed. Because I know it’s my BP that is causing me to feel this way. And if anyone knew how I really felt, or how I would feel in the next few minutes, they would leave. They might know I was a fake.

I just feel that people are going to be disappointed by me or let down no matter what I do. It’s hard to live in the grey when all I see is black and white.

#quietborderline #qbpd #BPD

#PolycysticOvarySyndrome #BPD #qbpd

Not long been diagnosed with QBPD and man I'm an spiralling down, completely overwhelmed, and it just. Won't. Stop. I literally can't see a way out and all of this being completely locked inside is doing my head in. It's like being stuck on silent scream on one hand and using every ounce of strength to function normally on the outside, on the other hand. What the hell can I do to stop this meet go round and get off...

Where is the line between just being a teenager with some issues and having legitimate bpd(quite bpd)? I just never know how normal my life is when others seem smililar at times but other times like I’m miles alway from anyone else

#qbpd