risktaking

It all started about 4 days before the event that was being held 30 minutes northwest of San Antonio (Comfort, TX). I had mixed feelings about driving 4 hours while being in a rapid cycling episode. Depressed for a few hours then stable for am hour than hypomanic. I was so unsure wether or not I would actually be up for the drive but when the morning came of the event, I was "stable" and decided to pack up and make the journey while I had the motivation. The trip there was uneventful, drove 10 to 15 mph over posted speed limits on the way there averaging 65mph from Houston to Comfort. But as soon as I arrived (an hour early) I was already 100 people give or take behind in the line. By this time my hypomania had began to show. I'm a huge fan of guns and cars here in the US. I was in line for 4 hours in the 96°F heat with about 75% humidity so needles to say I was soaked in sweat for the first 3 hours then got a bit dehydrated and stopped sweating for that next hour. Thankfully the staff was handing out cold water every 2 hours so I got rehydrated and cooled off in the AC just as I entered the building. Fortunately for me I was pretty broke so I was unable to buy a new gun but what I was there for more than anything was to get my rifle signed and meet and talk with the celebs which immediately triggered hypomania. I was so stoked to get to know the YouTubers considering 2 of my favorites were located on opposite ends of the country, they just happened to be in Texas for this event. After leaving I still had so much energy and felt like taking risks but still being safe. Once on the open road, I wanted to get home at a reasonable time which Google said would take over 4 hours. Once I got into wide open sections of road my speedometer never went below 90mph. I opened up the throttle and for about an hour and a half I had the cruise control set at 130mph only slowing down when passing and for small towns with slow speed limits. When I got back on to safe open road I opened the throttle up even more, cruising between 135mph to 150mph (double the speed limit) as you can see by the top speed saved in the instrument cluster. I ended up saving about 30 minutes but risked possibly going to jail since in Texas if the speed limit is double it's an aromatic trip to jail for reckless driving. My brain absolutely said "consequences? What are those? I've got good vision, I'll just look for cops." Looking back now I cannot believe I did what I did. I've been to jail before for reckless driving before. Manic that time too. I thought I had learned my lesson and had been driving safely for the last 3 years after the first time in jail. I knew it wasn't worth it but my brain said "let's risk it, it'll be fun". I'm learning I cannot trust my thoughts when I don't recognize I'm becoming hypomanic. I'm currently working on it. I'm curious how others relate. #Hypomania #BipolarDisorder #risktaking