shutupbrain

Well, it is another sleepless night, despite my body screaming from exhaustion. My brain refuses to turn off and the thoughts swirling in my head are threatening to take me into the dark abyss. I have been having a rough few weeks and I feel utterly useless. My wife feels like a single parent, I feel like a crap excuse for a human being, and I am surrounded by the things I haven't done--laundry, dishes, general tidying up...My "babysitter" comes in a few hours, but I feel guilty having her do all of the work I should have done and would have done had I felt better than a cowpat in the sun...I know I should be better at accepting help, but I still suck at it. Yesterday I felt like I would just be better off kicking the bucket (though I know I never will, couldn't bear to do that to my kid) because of how worthless I have been feeling. And the worthlessness leads to anger which leads to guilt and it is a never ending cycle...I could use some encouragement and some advice from people who have been where I am. Although I am knowledgeable about my illnesses, I still haven't figured out how to live with myself having them...if that even makes sense.... #shutupbrain #