I won't and will not use my ignorance as an excuse for not recognizing that something was wrong or amiss with my youngest son. I was working seven days a week, ten hours a day, taking care of a man that had Parkinson's disease and had zero verbal skills. I was also cleaning their clothes, house, as well as preparing their meals and hand feeding, and washing/grooming him, in addition to diaper changes. My son was seventeen years old when we experienced his first manic episode and he was hospitalized on a 51/50, which is a psych hold for seventy two hours. From there he was sent to a mental hospital where he remained hospitalized for three weeks. I was only allowed limited access to him while they were trying to stabilize his condition. I found endless writings about suicide and wanting to end it all. Ignorantly, I told him how selfish he was for even thinking about doing something like that. The look on his face as he heard me say that was almost as painful as knowing he had been contemplating suicide and I didn't even have a clue. "You don't think it's a bit selfish that you would rather have me be miserable and unhappy so long as you're happy!?" He said to me as his voice cracked. "I feel worthless, hopeless, useless, and like I am just a burden on you. I thought I could spare you and everyone else from having to deal with me losing my mind." I have often been known to not think before I speak, and this was by far, one of those times that I wish I could have, wished I would have, listened instead of speaking. We recently learned my eldest son also has bipolar disorder. I entered therapy and counseling when they did, so I could learn everything I could possibly learn about bipolar disorder disorders and I am hopeful that they will continue doing whatever they have to do to, and I will be there by their side, for as long as they need me, as we all grow and learn how to better manage and maintain our mental health. #learn #listen #Talk #empathize #EDUCATE
I wrote this poem the night my friend Rachel passed away from colon cancer. Since then, she has continuously sent me #signs , including the one I #FindStrength in the most: Don't Stop Believin' by Journey. This always seems to come on the radio just when I need a reminder to never stop fighting, no matter how difficult life's circumstances may seem. R.I.P. Sweetie ❤🙏❤
A sky so blue, billowy soft and white
This Heaven has gained an angel tonight.
She now flies free; no pain, no plight
Rejoicing above, calming us with her light.
Forever a treasure, a heart made of gold
A love beyond measure, a blessed sweet soul.
So fly with the angels, soar as high as you can
Your new life awaits, it’s all part of God's plan.
By: Debra Brent