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I don’t know anything #BPD #Identity #Worried

I don’t know what’s going on inside me. Inside my mind. I don’t know anything.
I’m anxious, worried, I feel ashamed of who I am. I feel guilty.
I feel like the worst person on earth.

I don’t know anything.

2 reactions 1 comment

I am scared as hell about someone. Had a dream about them a couple nights ago that they had a medical emergency and didn't make it. Then I realize they have been MIA for a week. Reached out but no acknowledgement which is unusual. I am crying. Been praying like hell. Trying to trust God. There's a song that came to mind and am striving to do this even though it is so hard to do.

Even when the fight seems lost
I'll praise You
Even when it hurts like hell
I'll praise You

Even When It Hurts - Hillsong #TheMighty #MightyTogether #scared #Worried #Concerned #Heartbroken #Fear #Crying #FearOfAbandonment #trigger #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

22 reactions 10 comments

TW Guns, one swear(?) #endgunviolence

I heard that I was the only one who slept through a shooting that sounded pretty close by at 4 AM.

I don’t understand why America think that guns are okay. That freaking 2nd amendment. I know there’s a difference between getting them legally and illegally, but even legally it’s just… ridiculous.

I really feel bad for all of my system partners (we’re plural) for having to stick up to where I live and crap, even though they know and understand about the situation already, and they all already know that I never, and we never, chose to be in this situation. But still, I don’t want them having to fear so much. This damn neighborhood.

I am planning to move out of here with my dad (hopefully sometime next year). So we don’t have to worry so much about this gun crap… and so my partners can feel more safer, too!

This is exactly why I don’t trust anyone who’s pro-gun. It feels like a mock to what could possibly happen and has happened, you know?

#GunViolence #system #Anxiety #Worried #americawhy #venting

3 reactions 1 comment

Memory loss/loosing grip of reality

Hi all, I have a quick question for all you ptsd/anxiety/depression sufferers. I’ve been noticing recently memory loss getting seriously worse. Like I’m forgetting what I have done and what I havent done in work. Its almost like I’m loosing grip on what’s reality and what’s not, for example, I can see myself in my memory cleaning a work surface, but in reality I havent and it is still covered in food from when I’ve cooked. And then it freaks me out that I haven’t actually done it when I can remember doing it. That’s just an example but it’s happening more and more regularly and I’m getting to the point where I’m struggling to remember what has actually happened in my day and what my mind has just made up. Any advice? Or anyone even just feel the same to make me feel less crazy? #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Worried #scared #Advice


Hey warriors, I'm so sorry I didn't post yet. My Fiance is in the hospital. So I've been kinda emotional for couple days. Once everything Seattle's, I'll post again. Thank you for your patience.
#Depression #ChronicDepression #Worried #emotional

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I’m really scared…

Hey, everyone. I hope you’re doing as well as you can be, given the circumstances.

So, yeah, I’m scared. And very nervous.

I take 60mg Dihydrocodeine four times a day - I have been for about two years now. It’s the best painkiller I’ve been on (and I’ve been on a lot). However, sometimes when I have a bladder/urine infection, or a flare up of my Interstial Cystitis, I get pretty extreme cramps. Like my whole bladder locks out. And I often end up peeing myself a little because I can’t control it. Because of this, my GP and I made an agreement - she would prescribe me SIX diazepam tablets a month. No more, no less. Quite often, those diazepam tablets were a lifesaver. They allow me to leave the house without the fear of cramping and then wetting myself in public.

BUT… My GP has told me that she will no longer be prescribing me diazepam. She has said that new research has shown that in people who take opiates and diazepam there is a significant risk of respiratory failure.

I understand her reasoning… But I’m terrified. If I properly wet myself in public, I don’t think I’ll ever leave the house again. That diazepam greatly improves my quality of life. It allows me to perform daily activities without my bladder spasms getting in the way… And she’s taken it away from me… What do I do now?

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

.#ChronicPain #chronicillnesswarrior #BladderPain #BladderIssues #InterstitalCysltitis #Pain #PainKillers #scared #Worried

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Give it time

Some people act like/tell me they love me.. but they really don’t. I feel they only love the idea of me or what I can offer them.. otherwise they’d act like they love me even when they don’t want something… am I crazy for thinking that? Why do I get that vibe?

Every time someone says they love me, I just say… give it time.

#Anxiety #Goodenough #Depression #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #ChronicMigraines #unwell #Music #Therapy #Love #afraid #Worried #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Endometriosis #PolycysticOvarySyndrome #Fibromyalgia #ilovethissong #newnormal #painandprayers


Wanting to do what’s right

I’m frustrated. My goal is to be a contributor to my family, do what’s best, what’s right for me and my grandkids and mom and dad. But I have this fear of telling the parents about things the kids do. Not to be telling on them (which seems to be how my telling the parents is taken) but because speaking with the kids directly is ignored or met with angery tantrums. I clean house the most because I am home the most and because that’s what one does to contribute. But because I’m grandma I feel I should also discipline the kiddos when they need instruction. But here’s when things get tricky. I feel like I can’t discuss anything with my daughter, she will always dismiss what I say with something that, “that’s okay ” or “ that’s fine”. She spends most of her time off sleeping or texting or watching her shows. Daddy does some stuff on his day off and spends some time with the kids but at some point he stops, and just lets YouTube and TV babysit the kids and he’s completely unaware what they are watching unless a shouting match happens over differences of opinions on what will be watched. Then he screams at them from his sitting position in the living room where he’s watching his shows.
I clean, and I’m finding food and garbage and dirty pull-ups hidden behind furniture and boxes and suitcases, mildewing the carpet is wall.
I can’t correct them without a loud opposition from the kids daring mom and/or dad to come in and put me in my place for trying to tell them what to do.
If I tell dad what is happening he becomes upset (passively) and tells my daughter he has a problem with me telling him about the kids.
I don’t know what to do. I just texted my son-in-law telling him I’m at a loss, don’t know what to do to get the kids to stop hiding all this trash, dirty pee clothes, dirty pull-ups and food. I took pictures too before I picked up the mess. This happens at least twice a week, ( my finding stuff like this). I tell the dad and sometimes mom even though I think they’re going to kick me out for causing trouble.
#Anxiety #Worried #stuck



I've had a good couple of days, feeling a little calmer in myself. Not sure if it's the new meds or something else I'm trying BUT I'm always #Worried that the worst is round the corner and it's going to smack me in the face harder than before. Instead I want to be able to live in the now while the now is good. DOES ANYONE ELSE UNDERSTAND THIS? #Anxiety #Fibromyalgia #Depression #GAD #UK #Fear #Conversation #ChronicPain #Pain #ChronicFatigue #Fatigue #Spoonie #DistractMe #thankful #hopeful 💜