Speechless

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m a college graduate with a well-paying job that’s only somewhat fulfilling;
I go to a 1500-member church, where you dare NOT say you’re struggling with depression or any other mental illness, especially as a black man (Constant barrages of “men don’t cry.” “If you’re depressed, that means you’re not grateful to God for life.”)
I’m surrounded by women who are self-proclaimed man-haters and they want to use me as their punching bag. I’m in a relationship I do NOT want to be in (I honestly feel forced into it).
I keep befriending women who use me for what I have, all while verbally and mentally abusing me (in a strange way, I kind of feel like I deserve it—even though I DONT enjoy it as some people think I do).
And out of all of this (and so much more that I don’t have the energy to type out), I have nothing to say anymore. I’m literally speechless. And numb. And empty

#Depression #verbalabuse #MentalHealth #Anxiety

A rare- actual heated -to the point of ending phone conversation- to ending the texting for a time-argument with a family member (gulp) my only sister😢- is so hurtful and affecting me physically with stomach pains. To go along with other hashtag illnesses I won’t both with! I am very uncomfortable with being at odds with a person who is supposed to be by my side or at least able to communicate with me. I am super uneasy. I do not want this to affect my progress with my health. Or my sister relationship ❤️#Pleaseprayforme #CheckInWithMe

I've been very open about my past and my mental health here on this site, but now my patents and my sister have been spying me, and they're using the evidence they're finding on my against me. My therapist and I belive I have DID, which makes the most sense, but my parents are dead set on saying that it is merely a psychotic disorder instead, which is really insulting to all my alters and my system as a whole. My parents are forcing me to take a pill that makes me suicidaly depressed, and my therapist is trying to get me off of it because it hurts me and my parents want the opposite, despite the fact that the pill makes me want to die. I feel like my privacy has been destroyed too, some of my alters are very different from me, and I've been hiding them from my family because they are too dark and deviant, but they found Tris' entry on this site and now they know about all her deviant sex acts with her boyfriend El (another one of my alters). I feel like I can no longer express myself freely, as though my freedom of speech had been compromised. And I really like being open and honest in the mighty, because people here are going though the same things I'm going through. #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Trauma

I love to watch the show #Speechless because it is so funny and refreshingly real. I also like watching #Superstore because it is pretty great at exploring what it is like to work in a superstore and it’s really fun. I’m trying to find the beauty in everyday things today. #NoDayButToday

Loving this show. Also, I am doing good today. Mood is good. It’s been fun today and I had a good day at my job. I also just really love this show. Beautifully done, imho. I am happy today.