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Stressing with #AnxietyDisorder #Anxietypanic
I don’t know where to even start. The last couple of months have been extremely hard for me. I have outlets I use to help my anxiety (besides my medicine), which I have to change and get it updated. Besides my outlets, I haven’t really been able to talk to my closet friends and family without them seeing what I’ve done without them judging me; even though they say they will not judge me.
First, work has been stressing me out, whether it is dealing with inventories at multiple stores I’ve been taking part in, or employees not doing what is asked/expected of them regardless of having multiple conversations and trainings with them. My boss has put a lot more trust in me as what I am able to do. This includes helping our bigger stores and their inventories. Just this week, December 9-11, I have worked 36 hours and I have 2 days left in my work week. I’m not complaining about my work load, just I put a lot of effort into work but I know I’m not getting paid enough to continually do all of this.
Secondly, and probably the biggest thing I can’t talk about to a lot of people was that I had a miscarriage that happened 3 weeks ago (November 18th). This was a major shock and surprise because I am very careful while having sex with someone. I was 6 weeks along. This was my first miscarriage and I couldn’t tell the guy who would have been the father. I couldn’t/didn’t tell him because we haven’t really been on speaking terms since a Halloween party at a mutual friends house. Also, we work for the same company (both managers), but it would be awkward if he didn’t want to be apart of the child’s life if I did not have a miscarriage.
I would have liked to talked to him but I know it wouldn’t have been beneficial since neither of use had planned for me to get pregnant and we are not in a relationship. I am trying to build are relationship up because we have been friends for several years and we had a night of not fighting our instincts which led to me becoming pregnant.
I needed to get this out of my system because it has been eating me up for 3 weeks and stressing me out because it was unplanned and I haven’t fully talked to anyone about this. I’m not looking for any pity, I know what I got into with only being on birth control and not using any condoms.
Thank you for letting me vent and get this out of my system. I’m still trying to get passed the fact that I was pregnant. I want to be a mom so bad, but I know I am not in a good place to be come a mother. I will be ready when I find a good partner to share this with and when God’s plan becomes clear to me.
