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    When you feel like there's nothing left to give

    My mother is #BipolarDisorder And yesterday she was in a great mood playing with the neighbors kids, today she's full of anger at me for things I can't control. To the park! If she's going to be like this don't expect me to stick around and take it. #CPTSD Survivor #Strugglingwithfrustration

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    Some days...

    Today I had a man yell at me for NOT taking off my mask when I served his beer. When I replied that I was wearing it for my own safety due to a lower immune system he said “well natural selection will take care of you” This man basically told me he hopes I die. When did people become so cruel? Here I am, just trying to keep my head above water. Struggling with symptoms, anxiety, and just trying to continue to receive a paycheck, and this is what happens.
    I’m sure he was struggling with his own hardships, but I’m not sure I can justify his words.
    Please remember to be kind to people. #ChiariMalformation #Strugglingwithfrustration #masks #Anxiety #PanicDisorder


    Still Struggling #InflammatoryArthritis #Feelingsick #BloodPressure #UnknownIllness #Feelslikeimighthavepots #Positionalhypertension #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome

    My blood pressure seems to be going crazy. When I stand or walk it goes up to 145-160/109-110. When I am on bed rest it normalizes to my normal (125/75). I’m lightheaded and have a headache unless I’m laying down. I almost pass out when I’m standing or walking too long.

    Went to the ER again on Saturday night. They told me I had had a panic attack and that my blood pressure was up. I could be transported to the hospital as non-emergency. After falling twice to get to the car with EMT help, I finally said I would go in their ambulance. The panic attack subsided and they took my blood pressure again. It was still high but still not emergency. However, every time I stand I get up and try to walk my blood pressure gets out of hand.

    And then my beats per minute can vary greatly. Sometimes I am at 82 when lying down/seated and then I stand up and it’s like 100. It might normalize down to 95 or so. Then it might be what it was yesterday: 69 laying down and rising to 99 when I get up. And then sometimes it seems normal.

    The ER doc is having me get tested for heart related issues (echocardiogram and 24 hour heart monitor), as well as having me monitor my blood sugar to see if there is a connection in drop in blood sugar to episodes.

    Does anyone have any ideas? My blood pressure and heart rate seem to be connected to my headaches, lightheadedness and near-fainting episodes. I’m #Strugglingwithfrustration .