Mincing Garlic #SuicidalThoughts #survivingsuicide
I’ve come a long way, from wheelchair, to walker, to cane which I only seem to need in busy or stimulating environments. I’m recovering suicidal psychosis #SuicidalOCD and #NeurologicalDisorder caused by never-treated #LymeDisease
Nine months before I lost control of my body, 10 months before it became difficult to speak, and 15 months before a doctor finally figured out this diagnosis—the first symptom was a horrific psychosis.
For 22 months I’d see non-stop pictures and movies of me ending my life. This was different from suicidal ideation I'd experience as a child and throughout most of my adult life, suicidal thoughts I was able to stop with years of counseling and #EyeMovementDesensitizationAndReprocessingThe only thing—after 22 months—that changed my psychosis from constant, to rhythmic, to often, to periodical, to occasionally, was #ElectroconvulsiveTherapy . Since my ECT, I’ve gone from seeing the images non-stop, to 100 times a day, to 50, to 20, to 10, to 5, to where I’ve been for 3 months which is 0-to-5 times a day.
At first I could only use a knife while my husband was watching. With exposure therapy, I've been trying to teach my brain, and teach me, that I won't hurt myself with the knife, just because I’m seeing it, and certainly not because I’m holding it. This is how I got the pictures down to 5 times a day, then down to 0-to-5 times a day.I'm cooking so much now, using a knife by myself, that my elbow hurts, especially from mincing garlic. I've come such a long way. #recovering