Throat Cancer

It’s interesting, I was raised in a Christian home, weekends revolved around church, and friends at church. I went to a Christian University and taught in a Christian school.

I realised that people are the same if they are Christian or not. If they are stressed they are not very nice. No different to non Christian people. In fact sometimes worse.

I always wanted to be real and challenge the system. When I went to pubs to play guitar I was told that wasn’t appropriate.

When I sang in church it felt a bit contrived and people were easily offended by things like drums or similar. The worship music was no different to mainstream music like ColdPlay or similar. In fact i felt something fresh at a Coldplay concert I went to.

I’ve since learnt that depression I’ve battled with on and off for most of my life was born from high standards of behaviour set at church, and at home.

The feeling of being different to my school friends, not having friends outside church, giving your time away to everyone else and rescuing down and outers who need help didn’t really teach me self love or healthy boundaries. Never went to parties or played sport on Saturday because that was gods day. You get the idea...

I burnt out several times, and went back to church to ask god to help me... it felt good but as time went on I learnt that many of these church services are manipulating people into giving and reinforce the idea that if you cheer forward Jesus, listen to his music, help the needy you’ll be blessed.

When the pastors wife got throat cancer it was a big deal and everyone prayed and she was healed by surgery. (Praise god they said)

Not long after, a lady on the worship team got cancer and died in a few months, leaving a hubby and two kids behind. This wasn’t talked about much.. it was sad and she was loved, but it didn’t support the story they need to keep members engaged. Inconvenient outcome.

The pastor is a lovely guy, but he says the spirit tells him there is one more person who wants to put up their hand and accept Christ as the music builds during the weekly alter call. Everyone claps.

What rubbish!

I think it’s a great community but it comes with an expectation to give and help out and not to mention give financially.

For me, freedom isn’t going to church to spend the weekends talking about the same old thing... or hear all about amazing the next event is going to be so bring your friends along... that’s not freedom. You are being asked to market their programs...

I love people, I love helping people because it feels good and it’s a higher way to live. I also don’t expect god to see it, and bless me. I don’t want to weave it into a Sunday school service as an example of how to serve.

I don’t want to come across like I’m knocking Christians either... there are some fine humans in that crowd, but I just don’t believe we go up into heaven when we die. What rubbish!

What I do know... is that I don’t know.. simple. I’m ok with that:)

After my walk, I drove past the federal prison hospital in the city about 10 miles from where I live.
Many well-known criminals have spent their last days there. Robert Stroud, aka the "Birdman of Alcatraz" died there in 1963. Racecar driver Randy Lanier spent some time here while overcoming substance abuse. If his name isn’t familiar, his sudden racing successes began to raise questions about the team's source of financing. Lanier went under investigation from the FBI. He led a multimillion-dollar drugs empire between 1982-1986 before he was finally apprehended. Shortly after his Indy 500 drive, he made his largest haul of 165,000 lbs. of marijuana.
Drug trafficker Michael Riconosciuto spent time here, as well as "The Toxic Pharmacist" Robert Courtney. Courtney was the pharmacist who was found to be diluting medications. Cancer patients were only receiving between 15% and at the most 35% of what their actual dosage should’ve been. He also diluted AIDS medications, fertility drugs, and diabetes prescriptions.
The prisoner who recently comes to mind as a guest of this federal hospital is John Gotti. Teflon Don ran the world’s most dangerous crime syndicate. He died of throat cancer here in 2002. I have a dear friend who was one of the prison guards who guarded him for his trips to the local hospital for treatment. He said at the end, Gotti was allowed no visitors but for his wife. They couldn’t take a chance of him sending a message to put out just one more hit before he died.
I apologize if it sounds like I’m running on. I guess it’s because I got to thinking about choices that those men made. Roads they traveled for fame and money. I think about how so many of us here were put in a prison for the crimes of others. We do the time for abuse and shame, but we were and are innocent.
Rehabilitation seems nearly impossible for many of us. But we definitely make those attempts. We call on a friend and they throw a rope over the wall we try to climb over the sharp pieces. Toward freedom. Oh I hope every single one of us finds that get-out-of- jail-free card. Oh how we’ll all fly...
#childhoodabusesurvivor
#christian
#cptsd
#Depression
#dissociativedisorder
#flashbacks
#gad
#gaslighted
#incestsurvivor
#mentalabuse
#mentalhealth
#misophonia
#ocd
#rls
#rapesurvivors
#selfharmrecovery
#suicidesurvivor

music.youtube.com/watch

Hi Friends🙋......if you are in the mood to hear a great hit you most likely have heard & love..........I TOTALLY fell in love with SEAL'S Kiss From a Rose" when it played at the end of "Batman Forever" w/Val Kilmer as the credits rolled down the tv screen!!!
By the way, I just read that Kilmer (now are 60) has just had a tracheotomy after a 2 yr bout of throat cancer & is presently working on a new movie !!!

Edit-I said I would share some of my rainbow rocks for keyworkers on here so here's the next big one alongside the article .

This one is a big one again guys. I am choosing carefully what to use these few large concrete bits on and oncology teams definitely deserve one. In your life you have a 38.4% chance of ever getting cancer, that's high so yes covid is a big deal but ignoring cancer could become a biggier one.
On this rock I have big ribbons for all the core types of cancer, there's more, the rainbow smaller ribbons, they are leave for people who have passed away due to cancer and for those still fighting.
The staff that work in oncology work as doctors, nurses, HCAs, pain speacilists, phsios, Macmillan nurses, palliative care teams, hospice staff, care workers and this list goes on so please know if you work in this area this rock is for you . They trully care, they are they for the patient and families.
Covid has caused alot of problems for this service. They had periods in the beginning where they had to cancel treatment so they could safely have patients come in especially since they were at high risk of getting covid.
They are in some areas using buses to do chemo, some separate buildings but they put they work in to get there.
The other worry was in patients spirits, they were alone. We actually sent some comfort rocks to some including children to help here. Then people haven't gone to screening due to fear of going out, these are so important, it's not just the screenings it's believed they are ignored Lumps, headaches and so forth all for fear of Covid.
Right now yes covid is bad but follow the guidelines and be sensible, don't let it stop you getting vital health care otherwise we give covid a different victory. Right now our waiting list for cancer care has rocketed to 2 million people. We need this not to be our story so get checked and attend screenings.
Thanks to the staff for your professionalism, compassion and understanding. Xxx #Art #ArtTherapy #Cancer #COVID19 #BreastCancer #ChildhoodCancers #Leukemia #braintumors #BrainCancers #HeadAndNeckCancers #ThroatCancer #CervicalCancer #TesticularCancer #ColonCancer #CervicalCancer #NonHodgkinsLymphoma #Hodgkinslymphoma #EsophagealCancer #SkinCancer #BoneCancers #LiverCancer #KidneyCancer