Yesterday I had a day of poor choices: I essentially gave up control of my mind and body to the cravings and desires stirred in me by junk food. I told myself it would be a one day event and then I could get back to strict control of myself.
My biggest challenge was not purging. I managed that but I think mostly because I was careful to not be alone for long enough to do anything. I'm calling that a win.
But it has left me feeling different: nothing too noticeable just a feeling like I've succeeded in one thing. A feeling that maybe if I can do that I can regain control.
Don't get me wrong, I didn't maintain perfect control today, I ate some marshmallows, a few rich tea biscuits and overate at tea. But not hugely, and not enough to make me regret it.
I managed to stop my self just enough that I have no actual regrets from today.
I'm proud of myself. And it's such a rare feeling that I didn't know the words for how I've been feeling until 30 seconds ago when they flowed from my fingers!
I want to feel proud again tomorrow night, although I would like to go to bed tomorrow night and not let my depression win that battle, but that's a fight for tomorrow. For now I am proud to have had some control over my eating today! #Gettingthere #smallsteps #tinysteps #EatingDisorders