Living on my own (with my husband) for the first time truly and coming to terms with everything that's happened in my past #MentalHealth #PTSD
My entire, both sides, of my family rarely talk to each other unless necessary, even though there is an "open door" policy with some. However, living on my own for the first time ever in my 34 years round the sun, I'm coming to realize that that policy only means for things they are willing to talk about. I'm an #EmotionalAbuse survivor from my father, mother, ex-husband and his his family. I'm a thrice #SexualAbuse survivor once from a "friend" twice from my ex-husband, and another time from another "friend". I have been diagnosed also with #SchizoaffectiveDisorder and #PTSD and #AnorexiaNervosa
I most recently dealt with a very heavy dose of emotional and mental abuse from my mother while trying to be a caregiver for her as she is how I also got #EhlersDanlosSyndrome and #chronicepstein-Barr . But now myself and my husband are in our own place in a safe environment, where we can just be. I'm eternally grateful my husband has stuck with me through thick and thin, he has loved me as I have dealt with two major deaths; my brother and my father, and has been my protector when it comes to other people. His words, he is the first and last line of defense when it comes to me. He makes sure that I have the time for therapy and makes sure I'm okay. I don't talk about a lot of thus stuff ever especially as gay, genderqueer person in the outside world. I've only recently started opening up and relearning who I really trust. I battle daily with not only intrusive thoughts but also "do I really need to eat?" and "do I really need to sit down??" When I'm starving or in #ChronicPain flare. I am a person who only in the outside world trusts a handful of select people that I carefully choose and nurture. I can literally count on one hand the number of people I truly and utterly trust with my life and it only gets to five. Everyone else I know is either more my husband's friend, or am acquaintance.
But life is becoming easier, one day at a time. Finances have become more balanced which is wonderful, now we're craving more desirable and deserved compensation for me as I've been in the hair industry for (including school) 13 years. But at the moment, life has finally become balanced, at least with finances and mostly with work-life. Not always on that second one but we're getting there.