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How in the world am I going to fix me! I don’t want to do it.

I made 16 therapy appointments over the summer and DID NOT GO to a single one. I need help, I know this much. I’m struggling. I wasn’t this person 4 years ago, i was June cleaver! My kids need me. I’m the only one they have and I feel im failing them. I don’t eat, sleep, enjoy ANYTHING, won’t read, watch tv, or attempt anything that might break my ruminations. I consciously choose these thoughts over living any semblance of a life. I am trapped in my head, My soul is SCREAMING. It feels like I’m actively watching myself die, yet I am not suicidal. Lord help me. Oh not religious either, ugh. #CPTSD #traumabonds #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PanicDisorder #Grief #ChronicPain

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Abused Daughter of a Narcissist #narcissisticabusesurvivor #narcissiticmother #traumabonds #no contact #Healing #PTSD #Ichoseme

It’s been 3 days since I completely pulled the pin on negotiating any kind of relationship with my mother, and my children. I lasted a bit over a month, then tried to arrange for my kids to see her, it didn’t work she threw a 2 yr old tantrum then sent her flying monkey after me (my auntie, whom I will never speak to again). Didn’t stop there attacked my partner, in an attempt to break us up.

She almost broke me, but I’m stronger and wiser now, and I’ll be f%@ked if I’ll let her ruin the amazing life I’ve built here for my kids and myself.

Just venting sorry folks


Is it mental illness or mental injury?

This has been my experience: when I threw off the stigma of something being inherently wrong with me and treated my mental health state as an injury that occurred to me, my perspective changed. I responded to my symptoms as natural responses to things that were actually threatening... because they were. As if I was allergic to lies, sexual objectification, and others taking away my authority over myself because I looked "crazy", I protected myself, listened to myself and didn't share with those who couldn't understand, but did with those I intuitively knew would. Like a pregnant mamma getting an increased sense of smell, I knew who was safe and who wasn't, what I needed and what I needed to avoid. When I trusted myself I got better. When I found the people who would hear me, my heart and mind started to heal.

#traumainformed , #CPTSD , #traumabonds