traumabonds

I made 16 therapy appointments over the summer and DID NOT GO to a single one. I need help, I know this much. I’m struggling. I wasn’t this person 4 years ago, i was June cleaver! My kids need me. I’m the only one they have and I feel im failing them. I don’t eat, sleep, enjoy ANYTHING, won’t read, watch tv, or attempt anything that might break my ruminations. I consciously choose these thoughts over living any semblance of a life. I am trapped in my head, My soul is SCREAMING. It feels like I’m actively watching myself die, yet I am not suicidal. Lord help me. Oh not religious either, ugh. #CPTSD #traumabonds #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PanicDisorder #Grief #ChronicPain

You took
Everything
From me
But somehow
I still
feel like
I owe you
something

This has been my experience: when I threw off the stigma of something being inherently wrong with me and treated my mental health state as an injury that occurred to me, my perspective changed. I responded to my symptoms as natural responses to things that were actually threatening... because they were. As if I was allergic to lies, sexual objectification, and others taking away my authority over myself because I looked "crazy", I protected myself, listened to myself and didn't share with those who couldn't understand, but did with those I intuitively knew would. Like a pregnant mamma getting an increased sense of smell, I knew who was safe and who wasn't, what I needed and what I needed to avoid. When I trusted myself I got better. When I found the people who would hear me, my heart and mind started to heal.

#traumainformed , #CPTSD , #traumabonds