traums

New to writing but have followed many stories/articles. My issue right now is: my therapist suggested I find another therapist that is par with my insurance. As it turns out my therapist is in network with my insurance. Recently my husband lost his job and we lost our insurance. (He is in long term disability) I have been with this therapist for two years. We had some money issues and I had to cancel around 15 appointments over two years of weekly appointments. I found this woman because the place I had been previously, for many, many years had a revolving door of doctors and therapists, so getting comfortable with anyone always changed and we’d start over. This woman specialized in borderline personality disorder and trauma. We were working up to EMDR. I was very comfortable. With these issues with income, insurance, where to live, etc.. I wasn’t sure what to do. We discussed sliding scale, but our income was still too high. I will be going in Medicare in May, which she takes. I was willing to meet once a month until then, paying my way, just to remain established and have a sounding board. She decided she had too many patients, had few openings, I had too many cancellations, didn’t think it was a good idea due to money issues, if I find another insurance, call her. Until then she thought me finding someone in network was my best choice. I was and am devastated! It trusted this woman! Come to find out, after the first of the year, she is in network. By this time I felt betrayed! I guess I knew that this is “just someone’s job”, but I guess I felt more like we had a “friendship” or something. I understand her income issue, but I never fell behind or not paid if we had a visit. During this time we lost our house, about $40,000.00 of my husbands pension we put into the house we were supposed to be buying from my mother in law. Bad business move to not get hints in writing. There was no agreement other than verbal. She ended up in a nursing home and the siblings decide to sell the house. Big family fued! Not speaking with any of them. But that’s a totally different story. My therapist was aware of all this. I guess that is why I thought I might get a bit more leeway, given the circumstances. Anyhow, I really could use a therapist, but I cannot trust anyone! I won’t open up and talk like I should do it would be a waste of time and money.
Sorry this is so long, it just kind of jumped from one thing to the other.
Am I wrong for feeling abandoned? How do you get over this and trust someone else?
Thanks
#BPD , #c -PTSD, #traums survivor, #chronic EBV, #Fibromyalgia , #hoshimoto thyroiditis, #Type2Diabetes , #chronic pain #