wanttobehappy

Hating Depression and Bipolar. A med was so expensive after switching insurance I tried to go cold turkey (dumb with SSRI’s when you ALREADY struggle with SI, depression, anxiety, and panic attacks...did I mention I know better? That I’m a therapist? ). I’m struggling with wishing my illness away, being angry at my own mind, my own body, desperately wanting to feel happy and not on the verge of an explosion of depressive emotions and intrusive thoughts. I need to function, mask my struggle so I can help others. I payed the outrageous cost of this particular antidepressant and will be switching while weaning myself slowly. Oh how I wish I could be free of meds, free of these thoughts, of sadness so deep it leaves me weak and exhausted. I know this will pass...I tell myself repeatedly. #Bipolar2Disorder #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #AnxietyDisorders #SuicidalThoughts #PanicDisorder #wanttobehappy

My depression is often triggered by my lack of self esteem or self worth. I’m not good enough at anything . I never have been. I have no talents or hobbies. There is nothing special about me. I look average with lower than average intelligence and I’m not being mean just realistic. I’m not competitive I don’t play sports. I never tried at it in school because I always thought I probably look like a dumbass so I never tried. I’m still this way. Idk if it’s because I care about what others think of me or if it’s just how I think I look to others. But I’m thinking now this is probably why I can’t make any friends but how do I work on getting confidence when I’ve never had it before?
#BipolarDepression #wanttobehappy
#Noconfidence #NotGoodEnough

too much to think about, home, work, just getting up in the morning is hard. just turn on autopilot to get kids to school. I want my brain to stop hurting and worrying but the cloud has come down #wanttobehappy