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Depression Continues and It Never Ends

I had some success beating back depression and having better sleep (see previous post). But just as I succeed in taking steps to recovery, I slid back today. I took a long nap for no reason other than, “why not?” I had no reason to nap for so long or at all. Just none.

Am I wishing I was dead? Are all these oversleeps and long naps a form of suicidality? Just wishing I could close my eyes and the world would go away?

I want this to stop. I want to live my life! I have to live my life. What can I do to stop sleeping and shutting the world out?!
#BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #BipolarDepression #Sleep #oversleeping #suicidality #Willtolive #despair #DepressionNaps #MajorDepression

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Why is it when my so call other half as he calls it wakes up I just freeze stop doing anything want to cry and lose any will and motivation to live.

When I’m not with him I feel happier and want to get things done. This morning woke up had some of yesterday’s dinner thought I’m going to clean do the usual self care stuff. Now he’s up I want to do nothing at all apart from sit here quietly and be down.

I’ve had opportunities to be happier but I’ve blown it because I was scared I’d be unhappy and don’t want to be on my own but then don’t want to do anything apart from sit here quietly and die.

#Depression #Anxiety #Willtolive #Anxiety

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Feeling Sad...i think

I might get to be a Grammie but I am torn if that is something that will keep me alive. #Suicide #Depression #Willtolive


Not suicidal but don’t want to live?

I’m not suicidal not even slightly but there are so many days where I just don’t want to live or exist anymore. I don’t want to actively kill myself. I just kind of give up and want to die naturally in my sleep those days. I don’t even particularly want to die on those days just not exist. I don’t feel like I can talk about this to anyone because people then assume I am suicidal even if I say I’m not.
#Depression #Anxiety #Suicide #Willtolive