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2 Years Now

2 Years since I touched a cigarette or any other kind of tobacco (including hookah and clove)
Im really extra proud of myself because I live with 4 other people who all smoke. They still do, and I still spend time around them when they do. But I did it. I put it down!

I woke up one day and decided that I didnt really like the taste, I didnt like how they made me feel (I couldnt sing anymore) and I was realizing that it wasnt actually helping my anxiety at all but making it worse and it didnt help the pain it was just a distraction.

I had a teacher who told us all that the only way to quit them was to just do it because weening off of them is still giving you wiggle room. youre still saying to your brain its ok to smoke.
If you want to quit she said when youre current pack runs out dont buy another one. anytime you crave a cigarette do something active for a few ( a couple sit ups a walk read a chapter in a book) but make sure you change your habits. if you get up every morning and have a smoke on your porch. stop. go have coffee in the house or the backyard. if you change the association enough and replace it with other habits youll wake up one day and realize its not a struggle anymore.

p.s. I dont want to diminish or put down anyone elses struggle with their addiction by seeming so flippant and easy going. THIS WAS NOT EASY. IM STILL AN ADDICT. I still get cravings and have to put them back away in the box in the back of my mind and go do something else. sometimes I cant be around the other smokera becauae its too much for me to handle.
Ive almost given up so many times becauae all the people around me are so encouraging of well if you really need one then just have it it wont hurt. But it will.... I only beat this addiction by battling it every day. My choices have the most impact on my brain. So I choose to put my armor on everyday to fight it. I refuse to go back. (I was honestly one of those mean smokers who got angry if i hadnt had a smoke and it heightened my anxiety if i didnt get that smoke so I would go off and have big fits of panic that turned into lashing out.)

#Putitdown #Quitsmoking #Smoking #2years #Anxiety #relief #PanicAttack #Fibromyalgia #Addiction #Addict #battling


Plants and pools

#CheerMeOn this week I daydreamed about the future. Having a potting shed or just a little garden to grow herbs in. Taking my future kids swimming on the weekend, I even pictured a crazy overgrown garden with abandoned bath where me and the imaginary kids could run riot getting muddy then fill up the bath with buckets of soapy water and splash around in the sun. Not bad for someone who promised themselves they wouldn’t see another birthday 2 years ago and decided I wasn’t allowed to have children in case I infected them with my unhappiness. #2years

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