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#battling upper respiratory infection

Asking everyone to please pray for me, I’ve been battling an upper respiratory infection.


Well, This Happened

Everyday this week, I had consciously decided not to talk to this guy at work whom I’ve always liked, but because of past events along with me forever feeling that I’m either too much or not enough (among other feelings). For the last few months, we weren’t really speaking to each other because he started hanging out with the other guys at work and for that, I felt like he had abandoned me and I went from admiring him to hating him very fast. Overall, I can’t deny the fact that even though things have happened, he is a good guy. So this week, I’ve literally been praying that I could avoid him for the rest of the time that I was at work. On Monday when I did this, he ended up showing up at my work area and started talking to me. I brushed it off because I thought it was a one time thing and that he’ll go back to not talking to me again. The next day, the same thing pretty much happened. But what happened last night really scared me. I was working and he came in to help me. After a while of not saying much, he asked me about my family and also my mental health. I didn’t go into great detail because I didn’t know how he would take the heaviness of everything I’ve been feeling. So, I told him that it could be better than what it is now. And he literally said this:”You can tell me what’s wrong, let me make you feel better.” THAT was the moment that really scared me. I really didn’t know what to think let alone know how to handle it. It is hard to me to accept help and even harder for me to accept anything from a man. I know that he cares, but it’s hard for me to fully accept that anyone cares. I’ve been pushing him away and yet I find it hard to let him go. I’ve hated him, but would feel hurt because I felt he was leaving me behind. It’s all really confusing. I don’t expect anything major to come out of this, and thinking about it makes me all the more scared and anxious. #MentalHealth #Depression #Relationships #anxiousthoughts #devalue #value #scared #relationshipsarehard #pushingpeopleaway #Avoiding #feelings #Accepting #Men #feelingscared #battling



For every moment that I do feel good, I’m reminded of the losses, the abandonment, and the emptiness that seems to be the forefront of my life. I’m not ashamed of my illness, nor do I want it to take over my life, but I find that I distance myself more than usual at this time. I feel that I can’t allow anyone to get close to me, and even though I’d like to have better relationships, I’ve come to believe that as long as I am the way that I am (even when I do go through therapy) I’ll never have a “normal” relationship with anyone. I try hard to not let the world harden me, but it seems like being hardened is the thing that keeps me going. I’m constantly battling with my mind everyday. I’m pretty sure I’ve been living in survival mode all of my life. I know people care, I know there are people who want me to stay, and as many times as I have an idea of who I am, most times I don’t. I’m very much caught in a lonely place at this stage of my life. #Depression #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #abandonmentissues #FearOfAbandonment #Emptiness #Imnotashamed #identitydisturbance #Loneliness #battling #SurvivalMode #feelinglonely #FeelingEmpty


2 Years Now

2 Years since I touched a cigarette or any other kind of tobacco (including hookah and clove)
Im really extra proud of myself because I live with 4 other people who all smoke. They still do, and I still spend time around them when they do. But I did it. I put it down!

I woke up one day and decided that I didnt really like the taste, I didnt like how they made me feel (I couldnt sing anymore) and I was realizing that it wasnt actually helping my anxiety at all but making it worse and it didnt help the pain it was just a distraction.

I had a teacher who told us all that the only way to quit them was to just do it because weening off of them is still giving you wiggle room. youre still saying to your brain its ok to smoke.
If you want to quit she said when youre current pack runs out dont buy another one. anytime you crave a cigarette do something active for a few ( a couple sit ups a walk read a chapter in a book) but make sure you change your habits. if you get up every morning and have a smoke on your porch. stop. go have coffee in the house or the backyard. if you change the association enough and replace it with other habits youll wake up one day and realize its not a struggle anymore.

p.s. I dont want to diminish or put down anyone elses struggle with their addiction by seeming so flippant and easy going. THIS WAS NOT EASY. IM STILL AN ADDICT. I still get cravings and have to put them back away in the box in the back of my mind and go do something else. sometimes I cant be around the other smokera becauae its too much for me to handle.
Ive almost given up so many times becauae all the people around me are so encouraging of well if you really need one then just have it it wont hurt. But it will.... I only beat this addiction by battling it every day. My choices have the most impact on my brain. So I choose to put my armor on everyday to fight it. I refuse to go back. (I was honestly one of those mean smokers who got angry if i hadnt had a smoke and it heightened my anxiety if i didnt get that smoke so I would go off and have big fits of panic that turned into lashing out.)

#Putitdown #Quitsmoking #Smoking #2years #Anxiety #relief #PanicAttack #Fibromyalgia #Addiction #Addict #battling


Proof that it gets better?

If you are a survivor of depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide attempt, eating disorder or anything like that please share your story. I am in the middle of the battle and can’t see the other side please tell me it gets better?
- A struggling teen
#Anxiety #Depression #Suicide #Selfharm #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Survivor #EatingDisorders #battling #supportneeded


Defeated and alone... Even with a strong support system.

I just turned 30... Followed by a bone density test... I have #Osteoporosis of the spinal column... Along with my #AnkylosingSpondylitis my pain specialist said I should consider applying for #Disability since it'll take a minute you get on but also because he thinks at the rate I'm going a wheelchair will be in my future sooner than later...
At this point in life I've been #battling #multiple #ChronicIllnesses going on 20 years. I can handle that... But being told I should consider disability at 30 and not having anyone to talk notes with makes me feel #alone #Defeated and #lost
My mom and dad are such a great support and my boyfriend is a God send... Who really stood up as a man and learned about my illnesses to better care for me... But feeling your body slowly being destroyed knowing there's not much they can do for the damage that's already been done only give me a medication that could potentially hemp slow it down... Being in high pain or #high out of my mind 24/7 lack of sleep because of the pain... Mourning the death of the woman I once was... And being told that you aren't the same happy and care free person you once were... And the worst thing of it all... Knowing that it'll continue to get worse and more #painful and more #exhausting ... And theres no guaranteed end date. But you must remain greatful for existing because you're selfish For wishing the pain to go away the only way it will... By death.
I'm sorry for ranting... Im actually dealing with a lot of #anger right now. My boss has been very verbally abusive and I'm fearful and anxious and he's making me feel worse... But i can't quit because I need insurance... But im trying to find a better job by interviewing on my lunch break. But i also have to try to make myself look amazing so I can try to negotiate #Insurance right away since I'm on a few narcotics that I can't get a 90 day supply for and of course my boyfriend of 5 years is dragging ass on proposing though it's in talks...

Anyways... Yes I'm just bitter and sad... One day soon I'll get up and put my mask on and smile... But until that day I want to be a little selfish, bitchy, and reaching out to fellow #Spoonies who want to just #complain and bitch on this post with me without judgement and promise i won't give you sugar coated #encouragement unless requested.


I'm undiagnosed but am severely battling with an invisible illness. How do/did you stay strong while you worked on finding your diagnosis?

#RareDisease #InvisibleIllness #Undiagnosed #battling #Diagnosis


#battling with my own demons#

I’ve been battling with depression a lot . I’m no longer working. I retired as a supervisor for the Department of Child Safety back in August 2018. This week has been worse than ever. I have not been able to get out of bed. I had a doctors appointment yesterday and didn’t make it. I miss my coworkers especially one she is like a sister to me. She does not answer my text or phone calls
#CheckInWithMe #

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