aces

I am facing a huge milestone in just a few more days, and I find that I have a great need to talk about how my life has changed since I was introduced to behavioral health care.

I was introduced to art as therapy when the extreme symptoms of mental illness led me into the hospitalization for the breakdown that eventually led me to American homelessness.

Those few words of introduction are filled with decades of painful memories, and I vividly remember the desperation I felt when the faulty chemical structures of my brain were fully in charge of my life.

I needed answers about "what was happening to me," and it has taken many years for me to learn to take my place in the driver's seat of my thinking lines.

Hospitalization and years of outpatient care have been the vehicle I needed to help bring peace to my life, and I am now experiencing even greater peace of mind since I have begun to organize my thoughts and chronicle the process of my healing journey.

The milestone on my horizon is the anniversary of my high school graduation. I can hardly fathom the fact that it has been 50 years since I graduated;, and I need a way to make sense of the timeline that has been filled with so much trauma.

During those years, I have experienced some of the best, AND some of the worst treatment that has been available for those of us who rely on low-income health care.

I have experienced great challenge, great growth and great healing, so I am actually looking forward to the process of chronicling my stories!!

Relationships and community have always been a challenge, because it is difficult to find a community where it is possible to speak freely about mental illness and not be shamed, bullied, or misjudged about how I say what I need to say.

I joined The Mighty in 2018, but have been out of touch with the community for a long time. My life circumstances are more stable now than they have ever been, and I hope to remain consistent in connection to the community this time around.

I am grateful to still be alive, and appreciate this opportunity to engage in conversation with those who understand these challenges.

I'm grateful for your presence, and look forward to the growing season ahead. Thank you for creating this space to embrace that process.

#acesrecoveryzone #aces #ACEsAware

To help today's kids we have to improve the mental health of adults.

ACEs Matter wants to improve the mental health of adults by identifying the adverse experiences they had as a kid.

Understanding one's own ACEs gives adults a blueprint for releasing stored trauma, guilt, and even shame.

Awareness of ACEs can help adults better understand how to meet the social and emotional needs of just about any person on earth.

Our solution at ACEs Matter creates mentally healthy adults and as a result produces better parents and caregivers for children.

𝐹𝑒𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝐴𝐶𝐸𝑠 𝑡𝑜𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑒𝑞𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑠 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑡𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑢𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑒.

acesmatter.org

#aces #acesmatter

#gabormate #vincentfelitti #besselvanderkolk #besselvanderkolk
#thebodykeepsthescore
#traumarecovery

Once when I was in my early twenties, I confronted my mother. I matter-of-factly said, “You know, Mom, you beat me. You beat me a lot.”

She replied, “I don’t remember that.”

“Well, you did,” I pressed.

“Maybe I slapped you once or twice.” So, that was her concession.

A letter came 20 years later. My mother wrote, “I am sorry if I did anything to hurt you,” and something to the effect that she would like to reestablish a connection.

I considered it to be a non-apology apology. I tossed the letter in the trash.

As a child, I was physically and emotionally abused by my mother who was mentally ill. Research conducted by the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child shows there can be a connection between parental mental illness and child abuse. The beatings I endured were tolerable; the psychological abuse left enduring scars.

I recently found out that my brother, Alec, received a thick letter from my mother just before she died. “The envelope felt acidic,” he said. “It may have contained something nice, or it may have been nasty. I figured the odds were fifty-fifty. I didn’t read it. I opened it and shredded the contents.”

****

As my mother was drifting in and out of consciousness on her death bed some five years ago, I was not uncompassionate. I stuck to pleasant memories of dance classes (she sewed my costumes) and birthday cakes. I did not dredge up the bad events of the past. I did not bring up her maltreatment.

I did not deal with issues of blame or forgiveness.

But, at some point, many of us who experienced childhood trauma do. We wrestle with the decision to forgive or not to forgive the person who inflicted abuse or subjected us to an environment that created toxic stress when the perpetrator is a parent, caregiver, or someone close who was supposed to protect us and nurture us when we were most vulnerable.

****

In her article, “The Debt,” which appeared in Slate, Emily Yoffe writes that “accepting what happened and moving on is a good general principle. But it can be comforting for those being browbeaten to absolve their parents to recognize that forgiveness works best as a mutual endeavor. After all, many adult children of abusers have never heard a word of regret from their parent or parents. People who have the capacity to ruthlessly maltreat their children tend toward self-justification, not shame.”

Up until her death, I never could make up my mind whether to forgive or not forgive my mother. I thought I was alone with my indecisiveness. I’ve since learned that it’s not uncommon for children of abusers to find themselves vacillating between contact and noncontact in adulthood.

(My book, Crazy Was All I Ever Knew: The Impact of Maternal Mental Illness on Kids is available on Amazon, if you’d like to check it out. You can reach me at www.Alicekenny.com)

#MentalHealth #aces #CPTSD #TraumaSurvivors

#Early Childhood Trauma