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Hi, my name is MattCarson. I'm here because I want to improve my relationships in my life
Hi, my name is MattCarson. I'm here because I want to improve my relationships in my life
So there was this girl I used to talk to. We had a bit of a wild thing going on sending each other stuff, and yeah, she was into some intense roleplay, asked me to call her messed-up stuff in DMs and all that. We stopped talking for a while, then she suddenly added me again, saying she had problems with her boyfriend. I had a girlfriend at the time, who I really loved, but I ended up talking to this girl again. Eventually, she sent me nudes, and I gave in and did stuff I regret. We started talking dirty again.
Then out of nowhere, my girlfriend blocked me. I had no way to reach her, so I stupidly asked the girl I cheated with to talk to her and ask what happened. She did but also exposed me and sent my girlfriend screenshots. I was completely screwed.
I begged my girlfriend not to leave me, told her I loved her and that it was a mistake. She said she’d give me another chance if I hurt myself and showed proof. Dumb as I was, I did it. I cut myself and when I did she told me th cut is not deep enough so I made another one and I made it deep and it hurt so bad til I throw up after I done them I filmed it, and even joined some volunteer work she asked for to “fix my mindset” or something. She agreed to give me a second chance.
But honestly, it wasn’t a real second chance. She ghosted me, treated me badly, and made me feel like garbage. Then one day, she pretended she hooked up with some guy in a car and she did some unholy stuff with him and he grab her phone and called ma and told me about it in detail in a phone call turned out it was her friend, but I didn’t know that at the time. I broke down mentally and I cried for days and my body was shaking.
Later, I told her, “Okay, we’re even now, can we try for real?” She agreed. I was loyal, did everything she asked, and still, she treated me cold. Then she told me to cut myself again to prove my love. And I actually did it again. She got a bit nicer, and I thought things were finally getting better. But when I asked her out again she said ok ask me out with a 💌 or something and I agreed but in the next day she straight-up changed her mind and said no.
I kept trying. I sent friends to talk to her, tried again and again, and every time she’d say she’d give me another chance, but never actually meant it. Eventually, she told me she never loved me. That hit me hard, but I said okay, I’ll let go. I was still heartbroken, but I stopped reaching out.
A month later, she unblocks me saying she’s been thinking about me. I thought maybe she wanted to make things right—but nope. She blocked me again after 2 days. I had panic attacks and tried one last time to reach out, but she ignored me and blocked me again.
She added me again as she said to apologize and she actually apologized about treating me bad and I accept her apology and we talked for some days like two days then I asked her are you here to just apologize or do you wanna fix the things up and she said I don't really know so I gived her some time to think about it and we were talking normal for like a day then she turned cold and dry again so this time I tried to joke around but she was respond with dry message until she start saying nope to all the messages I sent to her and that's annoy me so I asked her to stop cuz this make me more anxious then she said haha then blocked me and literally the same loop start again. I made account by my name to try to talk to her, I bought new SIMs to message her but she made me feel worthless cuz everytime I try to reach out she was blocking me without even opening the message so I give up again and let her go.
In the last time She came back again asking me, “Who’s Joseph?” some guy she thought I was pretending to be or Friend of mine. I was done at that point and told her to leave me alone. But then she said she just wanted to ask me a few things. I didn’t care anymore. But she kept chatting and we ended up having a normal conversation for like 3 days. I asked her why she even came back—was it to fix things, be friends, or what? She said, “We’ve been done for ages, bro.”
That was it. I told her I’d remove her to heal and move on, since clearly she wasn’t here for the same reason. The next day, I saw she blocked me—even though I had already removed her and told her I wouldn’t chase her again.
Like... why block me again when I already said goodbye? I just wanted some closure. Some explanation. But I guess I’ll never get that.
Hope is a complex and multifaceted concept—experienced differently and on varying levels by each of us, depending on our unique circumstances. How we define, perceive, and understand hope shapes how it shows up (or doesn’t) in our lives, both individually and collectively.
What does hope mean to you?
What kind of relationship do you have with the concept of hope?
Can you describe a moment in your life when you felt hopeful?
#MightyMinute #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #RareDisease #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie
Verse: “Then I will compensate you for the years That the swarming locust has eaten, The creeping locust, the stripping locust, and the gnawing locust— My great army which I sent among you.
Reading: We may experience increasing infirmity with fragility of our chronic medical conditions. This is a result of our affliction that since developed over the years. Different symptoms of our condition will be like “swarms” of “locusts” eating at us. These symptoms attempt to destroy the essence of our lives at its very core. We will find that they have “chewed”, “cut”, and “consumed” us until there is nothing left of us.
These symptoms that irritate us, “hop” and “crawl” about. They can “strip” everything in the complete destruction, obliteration, and annihilation. This is the loss of the functionally that we had before the development of our condition. Despite this, we can experience the fulfillment of the promise that the Lord will restore our joy in Him. The Lord assures us this even after years that our chronic condition has “eaten” our abilities. We must maintain our intimate relationship with Him. This is through the study and meditation of His Word. Only then will we find His reassurance.
Pauley wanted to go to the farmers market this weekend but I just wanted to sleep. I got my food stamps today and there's a special deal at the farmers market for food stamps. You give $10 of FS and they double it to $20 to spend on fruit and veggies. They have weird hours. But they're open on Thursday so I'm hoping to be able to go. Michigan blueberries and strawberries are just so yummy.
We're gonna place an order for groceries today. Just the essentials. I'm gonna stock up on chicken. We haven't had salmon in a while.
There's a few things I need to get from Amazon. FS should cover it. Like I want to get a bottle of Kikkoman unagi sushi sauce. It's ridonkulously delicious. I've got microwaveable bowls of rice but I need sauce.
The first time I ever had onion jam was at Eastern market. I instantly fell in love. It was so delicious. I want to make shortbread cookies with onion jam. Unfortunately Pauley doesn't like onions. I haven't made anything with onions since early last year. I'm craving a blooming onion.
Building positive relationships with students: What brain science says
Building positive relationships with students: What brain science says
My Wife bought me these tulips this morning. She knows how much I love flowers and tulips in particular. Every time I look at them it brings me joy because they are so beautiful, fresh and I love the colour. And they remind me she sees me and loves me, in spite of my many flaws.
What brings joy to you?
Hi, my name is UnrestrainedServal3. I'm here because i must to tell you my life story.
When I was about two years old, I had to have an inguinal hernia operation. As a child, everything seemed fine, but when I was about 12, I had another operation – again for an inguinal hernia. During it, the doctors discovered something unexpected: I was born with a testicle on one side and an ovary on the other. My ovaries were removed at that time, leaving me with only one testicle.My adolescence proceeded more or less normally until puberty. That was when I first experienced severe pain in my lower abdomen during intercourse – specifically, right before climax. It was so intense that I couldn’t maintain an erection or reach orgasm. The pain was simply unbearable.When I was 17, I had a girlfriend, but unfortunately our relationship ended because of this problem. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and I was too embarrassed to talk to anyone about it.When I was 19, I finally decided to make an appointment for an examination. The doctors told me that I was “fine.” But I felt like they weren't taking me seriously and that my problem was being minimized. For the next two years, I tried various tests, went from doctor to doctor, but no one came up with a solution. I even tried Viagra, but no medicine could drown out the pain.it wasn't until I was 25 that I found a new girlfriend. After a month of dating, I confided in her what was bothering me. I told her that I was avoiding sex because I was afraid of pain and climaxing, which I hadn't experienced since puberty. I was surprised by how calm she took it. A month later, she came up with an idea of her own — that we could try something different. She suggested that she tie my hands to the bed and try to satisfy me so that I could finally experience that moment without the possibility of stopping because of the pain. She didn't force it on me, she just offered it.I agreed. I trusted her and wanted to try it. Having my hands tied prevented me from interrupting the moment, even though the pain was intense. But she continued, and I… climaxed for the first time in my life. It’s hard to describe in words. It was incredibly intense — and suddenly the pain stopped. It hasn’t bothered me since. It’s like it was some kind of psychological block or trigger that was released by the experience.From the age of 12 to 25, I didn’t have a normal sex life. I didn’t know how to even integrate it into my life. Now, thanks to a receptive and empathetic girlfriend, I can finally live a normal life. And most importantly: I don’t have to worry about having to explain it to anyone again.