Relationships

I went to the kitchen to make a bottle of juice.

When I got there I couldn't remember what I needed. But I figured I needed to go potty so I went to the bathroom. When I was done I figured I was hungry so I made myself a bowl of cream of wheat with chocolate chips. Then I made a sausage for pauley. I got back to the couch and I reached for...

The bottle that was in the kitchen. The reason I went to the kitchen..

I'm such a derp. But I couldn't handle walking back to the kitchen to make it, so my darling Pauley was kind enough to go make it for me. Now she's making me a cheese stick. Which just means she's microwaving a cheese stick until it's gooey melty and delicious.

I think I might have had a little panic attack tonight. I was focusing on my hands and I pulled off the tips of a few of my nails again. I'm still kinda meh but I'm trying to relax. I'm gonna take 2 hydroxyzine pamoate to help me feel more comfortable and chill. Maybe I will be able to meditate for a bit. That would be nice right now.

#derp #Relationships #mygirlfriendisamazing

I feel depressed. Not sad per say, but low energy, no motivation, no passion, no will to do anything. I feel tired. Not like I need more sleep necessarily but, drained. Drained of all life, I feel like the opposite of depression isn’t happiness, but inspiration. When I feel depressed, I feel no inspiration. No creative life force. I might see a pretty thing, like the snowfall outside my window, and recognize its beauty, but the beauty doesn’t provide any inspiration. It stays right at the surface. Depression is living on the surface. There is no depth. I’m not in pain, I’m just kind of numb, which in some ways feels worse. It feels like I’m alive but not actually living. It feels like I’m detached from feelings, which results in this sensation of emptiness, which feels like a feeling, but it’s more of a state of being. I don’t even want to keep typing because I have no energy to keep typing, but within this sensation of emptiness, I’m searching for a way out. A spark of hope. A spark of inspiration. Maybe what’s best for me right now isn’t to force myself to feel again, maybe I need to just breathe through this sensation, and sit with it, and let it be. There is so much discomfort in letting it be. On top of the sensation of emptiness, there is discomfort in waiting for it to pass. There’s a fear that it won’t pass, and I’ll never feel inspired again, even though I’ve experienced this all throughout my life and the inspiration always returns. It sucks when it takes a long time though. I’m scared to sit with this for a long time. Not because I think it will kill me, but because of how much it affects my life. It affects my job, my relationships, my productivity, my hygiene, my ability to clean, my ability to eat right, my ability to drink water. It affects everything. It destroys everything. It sets me back which prolongs this whole process of feeling again. I’m tired of it all. I’m too tired to think. I just want to rest.

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth

So I'm having a 2nd #coffeeadventures for the day. I had to grind some snickerdoodle flavored coffee and turn on the machine. Once I got back to the couch my back was screaming. So pauley made me my coffee. I walked her through the process and she did great! It's very yummy. I forgot I added some cinnamon in the grounds. Super nummy.

We're going to have groceries delivered tomorrow afternoon. I placed my order today. I'm getting some really good food. I'm trying to eat healthier. I just need some help with portion size. I need to find a nutritionist or a dietician.

@pauleyholm is so good to me and she's adorable and weird and I love her.

#Relationships

I waked up pauley at 130pm . I was incredibly lonely so I wanted to cuddle. She trying to be awake but she keeps dozing off while she sits. I think I'll lick her face. That'll wake her up.

#Relationships

And then, we will all Keep Doing This VITAL, easy, short practice.

One of the many things I learned from the “Resilience Skills” University online course I took that I keep teaching you about here only in this group is that Resilience Needs Mindfulness.

And, 1 of the first things to learn about Mindfulness is how to practice conscious breathing and why.

Mindfulness conscious breathing exercise to practice daily 3 or 4 times—
In/Out: This is the first practice on Conscious Breathing:

breathe in (a good, deep inhale), and say or think “I know that I am breathing in”,
breathe out (a longer, full exhale), and say or think “I know that I am breathing out”

After a while of practicing this, you can shorten the cue words to saying or thinking simply “In” on the Inhale, and “Out” on the Exhale.

“When we continue to practice like this, something wonderful happens—-we stop the thinking.
This is already a miracle happening because when we think too much, we are not truly ourselves. But this way, our mind and our body becomes aligned/in the same place; instead of our body here but our mind is elsewhere— in the past or in the future.

If we practice breathing in and out with some concentration, we attain what is called the oneness of body and mind.
The body and mind are unified and you begin to be there truly yourself.

When you are not really there, you cannot see things clearly and deeply. You miss everything, everything seems to you not clear, vague.”

Running to the future or going back to the past- you miss life, that is only here in the present moment.

Breathing in and out consciously is how to get back to the present moment.

What you are looking for —joy, inner peace, freedom …is all in the present moment.

If you feel agitated and not solid, vulnerable, breakable — then you practice this in order to get solid again:

Practice sitting in a stable position and practice breathing in and out. Saying “breathing in, I see myself as a mountain, breathing out I feel solid.

From time to time, a very strong emotion overwhelms us. That emotion could be anger or despair or fear. And when we are overwhelmed by a strong emotion we feel very vulnerable, like we may die, But we are more than our emotions. We are more solid than we think. And therefore, practicing being solid like a mountain is very helpful.

Source: Thich Nhat Hahn’s The Art of Mindful Living (read by the great man himself on YouTube — I am always so calmed by his voice even.)

#Mindfulness #MentalHealth #Selfcare #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #PTSD #PTSDSupportAndRecovery #Agoraphobia #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #AnorexiaNervosa #Addiction #EatingDisorders #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Grief #Suicide #Fibromyalgia #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #CerebralPalsy #Cancer #MultipleSclerosis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #PanicAttacks #PanicAttack #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #MyCondition #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #RareDisease #RheumatoidArthritis #Arthritis #CrohnsDisease #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Caregiving #SocialAnxiety